Yesterday's Tomorrow - twenty-six
BLK's Review Shop ACHIEVE--BLK's--
--Reviews-
--Reviews-
reminder
///////////////
Bonus: Flow
Story's voice
Character insight
Story's voice
Character insight
♦Feel free to message us personally with any concerns.
♦ thank you for choosing blk
reviews and for your patience! hope to see you visit again.
twenty-six
request on: 11/28/15
REVIEWER: dhaatk
finished on: 11/29/15
score: 84/100
Title: (9/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) The chosen title can be seen as logical, because the plot focuses on events happening “today” as the consequence of “yesterday.”
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) The world play is truly haunting and leaves an effect on readers. Such word combinations always leave people confused for a bit before they understand the meaning.
original (3/4) There are not that many stories or other pieces of art under the same title, but the repetition does happen here in AFF.
story's foreword/description (9/10)
story's summary (4/5) The given summary is a bit blurry in a sense of foreshadowing the actual story. From small extract of Krystal's, the protagonist's, thoughts reader might speculate that the story is about her and her sister's childhood. Yet, the plot does not revolve around that.
appearance (5/5) The layout is purely amazing. It is simple, but classy. The way things are arranged in the theme do not distract the reader, but vice versa – it attracts even more attention.
characters (9/10)
character development (4/5) There are only three character in this story but that is more than enough for such plot. Even though Jessica is already dead, through her sister Krystal's words this character is easily portrayed. She was a mature and rather reserved person. Some readers might view her as a loser, because from Krystal's words it becomes clear that Jessica did not fight for her lover Sehun and easily gave her own feelings for guy. Meanwhile, some may think she was kind and a bigger person, letting her sister find happiness. Moving on to Sehun, he seems as a total jerk. The guy left his lover Jessica for the girl's sister Krystal and there is an impression that he did that in a heart beat with no regrets. Later on, when Krystal asks for time and space, he just leaves and that scene makes it look like he is not just understanding and giving the required space to the girl, but he is simply leaving her behind just like he did with the deceased Jessica. Lastly but not least, Krystal's character must be discussed, too. Although Krystal is the protagonist and the story is being told from her point of view, she is the worst-portrayed character. Throughout the story this girl does not radiate maturity, wisdom, or much nous. She does appear as wistful person, when she sits down on the bench and remembers her dead sister. But her wise words in the end, when she pours out her heart to Sehun are rather unexpected and as if they do not belong to this character.
characters relations (5/5) Relations between three characters in this story might not be morally appealing to some readers, but they were well-written. It is clear how the characters feel about each other and the situation they got themselves in.
the author's mindset (34/40)
LOGICAL (9/10) The bigger part of plot makes sense, but the absent elaboration on some characteristic features and intentions behind the actions make some parts questionable. For instance, what was Krystal's true intention when she stole her sister's boyfriend.
ORIGINAL (9/10) There are stories about a girl stealing her sister's man, but not that many about the girl realising the horror of her actions only after the sister's death. This aspect makes the plot unique.
TONE (5/5) The tone is serious with a bit of mysteriousness in it, which is kept throughout the story. This helps to maintain the steady flow and clarity.
NARRATION (4/5) The chosen 1st-person point-of-view helps to develop one-sided story, therefore, sometimes it is hard to expand on other angles of the story. Although the plot is focused on one character realising the terrible deed she did and the narration fits for that, the elaboration on other character is missing.
STORYLINE (7/10) Keeping in mind all that has been said already about the plot and its peculiarities, the total score for storyline would be seven. Tone and originality are the strongest points, but when it comes to narration and consistency, the storyline is a bit lacking.
proper use of the english language (21/25)
grammar and punctuation (7/10)
Grammar errors occur here and there, disturbing the steady reading. At first, the mistakes can be little and ignored, but sentence after sentence it becomes irritating. A couple of examples of mistakes:
“Do you perhaps... afraid?” – “Are you perhaps... afraid?”
“keep going on the dark's side” – “keep coming to the dark side.”
vocabulary (5/5)
The vocabulary of author (at least in this story) is truly rich. The amount of fancy words used is massive. This is great, because it does not only give a nice tone to the whole story, but also distracts from grammar mistakes.
language barrier (9/10) Korean language was used only a couple of times with word “unnie.” It was not annoying, but could have been avoided.
Reviewer's enjoyment (2/5)
Personally, I did not enjoy this story much. I must agree that the layout is really cool and it would attract my attention immediately, if I stumbled upon the story by myself. But what concerns the actual story, it reminds me of what I used to read and write years ago. I see a lot of potential, but this is only a small step towards being a good writer. So I hope you continue writing and I wish you luck!
Comments