Love's Aftertaste - OlleriGolleri
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ollerigolleri
request on: 9/21/15
reviewer: Kaihleelo
finished on: 9/21/15
score: 82/100
Title: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - i guess it works with the story as it's solely about love and you're writing a /romance story.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - to be honest i thought it to be an insteresting title. it's quite an eye-catcher for any romance interest readers.
original (4/4) - Surprisingly it's not a very common title. so i gave you a full grade here.
story's foreword/description (7/10)
story's summary (4/5) - The story's summary i will admit didn't get me hook right away. some revision can probably earn you more readers.
appearance (3/5) - it's short and boring. also the different font size and letterings threw me off. it looks messy like that. try using only one font, same size, or add more to it.
characters/casts (7/10)
character development (3/5) - the only development was the love between mino and irene, which started out more as an obsession for one another due to their looks.otherwise irene seems to be the same, mino the same, and so forth. i believe you were more focus on the real idols than the characters in the story, and that's what leads to poor character development. you spent very little time speaking about the character's specific traits and characteritics. the only thing i know about mino is that he's the perfect guy that any man would want to be. but he's only perfect in the aspect of being a man and not in the role of the character he's supposed to be, a king. as for irene i can't tell if she truly has the heart of a queen or if she prefers mino's love and touch over all else. you gave me eleven chapters but still i cannot read what each character is really like. their only weakness seems to be one another.
character's relations (4/5) - the relationship between each character are fuzzy except for wendy and irene's. the friendship in them truly shows thanks to wendy. the relationship between zico and mino is still in questioned. (much will be explained in the grammar part since i've started working on that section before this.)
the author's mindset (33/40)
LOGICALLY (8/10) - i can see that even royalties has a need for affection, love, and . but this was a -based story, almost a pwp ( without plot) one. since the characters are so eager to sleep with one another that nothing else seems to really matter.
ORIGINALITY (8/10) - You mentioned this being an inspiration from game of thrones and so on, so i wouldn't say the idea of royalties having that obsession and needs for is original. however you did add some minor twists into the story to make it your own, and truly that's all that matters.
TONE (5/5) - you used your own voice throughout the story. i didn't feel like you were trying to force yourself to write something not you, so i gave you full credits here.
NARRATION (5/5) - you maintained the third person pov, so kudos here as well.
STORYLINE (7/10) - if there's any flashbacks, i recommend putting them in italics instead of telling us when the flashback begins and ends. otherwise i'd say each scene was predictable. the plot was predictable as well, since the idea of love between nobles that gets destroyed are quite cliches. i believe even if i haven't read this story from word to word, i could have still have gotten a clear image as to what has happened.
proper use of the english language (22/25)
proper grammar/punctuation (8/10) - Numbers under ten needs to be written out unless necessary. Ellipses (three periods/dots) needs to connect the words that it's in between. unless you've included a closure punctuation. also the term 'man', sounds too modern. use another term like 'friend'/'brother' to make the readers feel like we're really in a more highly fashioned and older day world. it's strange how zico is just calling the king 'man' no matter how close in friendship they are. it's a term that just doesn't fit with the time. for example words like swag and yolo won't work for stories a few decades back.
found some common errors here and there, but some proofreading should clean it right up.
termonology (5/5) - vocabulary was decent, it wasn't too expanded nor was it too limited. it was just down right plain and simple. (a good thing in this case).
language barrier (9/10) - I consider the names "tae hyung" and "hyun seung" are spell in a korean style. if you're going to write "mino" vs. "mi no" then keep everyone else's name in one piece. "hyunseung" looks better now that mino's name isn't spell Mi no but mino.
Reviewer's enjoyment (3/5)
usually i look at the storyline and the story's characters rather than the idols/actors use to represent them. because those are suppose to only be the shells, unless you are writing about the idol's real life by implying real facts as well. and i have no problem with stories that has many k-pop references. just know the story was good, but it wasn't my style since that's what i tend to look for: unique characters and an original story plot. however stories such as these do get more love so i hope you'll continue to update and work on this piece. make it work and best of luck!
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