Gehenna - dhaatk
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dhaatk
request on: 9/20/15
reviewer: Kaihleelo
finished on: 9/21/15
score: 101/100
Title: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - At first i thought the title would have something to do with the company or jaejoong's place where he and yunho live together. but it's more like the ideas and places jaejoong was involved and in in his pasts.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - when i first saw the title i thought it was a german, french, or latin term. but after you have us the definition in the description, i thought it was a good and matching title to the story. the spelling of the term itself is pretty so it was a 'oh, what a strange yet beautiful title' at first sight for me.
original (4/4) - Never seen anything like it. kudos here!
story's foreword/description (10/10)
story's summary (5/5) - the story's summary was short and simple, however what hook me was the foreword. gosh i just couldn't resist moving onto the next chapter because of it!
appearance (5/5) - very organize. i'm glad instead of leaking any information of the characters, you use scenes to introduce them. very clever!
characters/casts (10/10)
character development (5/5) - first we get a little insight of yunho's life then afterwards we got jaejoong's perpective on things some more. since jaejoong has lived for quite a long time, it looks like he really has had it with living, thus the only development in him was 'true love' between him and yunho. because obviously he has slept with others before and in that alone people may see it as a 'relationship'. but really jaejoong developed well in this 'first time in love' of his. since there's only nine chapters so far, i wouldn't say the characters have developed. i mean it seems like they were already developed from the beginning. however the relationship them has develloped.
character's relations (5/5) - i can see the interactions between each and every character in the story, and in every scene. in fact i laugh quite a lot with yunho and minseo. plus the fact that jaejoong overheard her call yunho, yunnie-bear.
the author's mindset (40/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - Everything was taken into account. you did a terrific job putting the image of the office and jaejoong's people in my mind without much effort. i love it!
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - at first i thought it was the cliche jaejoong is either a vampire or some immortal alien (since he hasn't been out of space as a human yet. but he isn't human, right? xD). but he's more like a reincarnated immortal of tyrants and such? xD
TONE (5/5) - i can see the author's tone in this story and it helps with improving the characters' actions and thoughts.
NARRATION (5/5) - it was third person pov but you used the pov that tend to focus on the thoughts, actions, and perspective of jaejoong more than anyone else. which is completely fine.
STORYLINE (10/10) - i could tell you did your research or at least applied your own knowledge into the story and the characters. it made it a better read since i love the tie of knowledge/facts and fictional characters/stories. i have to admit the pace of the story is easy to follow, even when you surprise me with the two months hop in between chapters two and three, but because you were so good with words that i immediately got back on track. plus i can see why the dates are important, it really helps to see that we've jump a few scenes ahead.
for the record i love the idea of the story's plot. where jaejoong is regaining his lost superpowers he once had by coming into skin contact with yunho. and the fact that he didn't just live through the holocaust and such, he was the lead of those events.
proper use of the english language (25/25)
proper grammar/punctuation (10/10) - not once did i spot or see any errors. look like you proofread and even got a beta-reader so your story ended up flawless in my book.
the only tiny error i saw was in chapter 2.
"except for the fact that jaejoong kept avoiding looking at yunho and the other...."
instead of 'avoiding', switch it to 'avoids'. 'avoiding looking' was a funny read, unless you add a comma.
and the only advice i suggest is to connect the words if you're going to use ellipses. that's the proper way to do it, unless you've used a fourth period to close the completed sentence.
termonology (5/5) - your usage of vocabulary was as expected amazing. with your wide spread of termonologies, it really helped your story and kept your readers reading!
language barrier (10/10) - all were english or in english (in a way?) so full points here. great job!
Reviewer's enjoyment (6/5)
i hated you for this. of cource i expected a great story from you but i got an outstanding one instead. when i review and read, i use different mindsets. or shall i say i read with different mindsets, not use....anyway, when it comes to reviewing i'm always looking for ways and advice to give to the author as a way of improvement. but the whole time, while i was reading this, i just couldn't read it for the purpose of finding errors and construct critcism. i found myself reading the story for my own entertainment and not once did i go 'that made so sense....' or 'how did that even happen!? what!?' i do that often to many stories i've read but yours got me wanting to read every word of it just to wear a smile after. i know it's not cool of me to break the rules, but i gave you a 6. a 5/5 was a full grade but it just wouldn't cut it for me.
you probably hate me for not pointing out anything that could have helped you improve, but i hate you for not giving me any space to do that....i try to look for any errors in this story and i just couldn't. every character (whether main or side) all play an important role. the story makes sense and it actually quite a fresh and interesting idea. grammar was nearly perfect and the pace of the story was nothing to complain about.
so i hope you'll take this review as an inspiration (that someone loved it) instead of disappointment that i couldn't find any of the story's flaw.
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