Rehearsals for Silence - Najaeri
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najaeri
request on: 08/21/15
REVIEWER: dhaatk
finished on: 10/03/15
score: 93/100
Title: (9/10)
LOGICAL (2/3) The chosen title is truly amazing, but for some readers it might feel as it does not carry on with the story until the very end. For many, silence associates with death and that fits with this story perfectly. Word “rehearsals” could be interpreted as all characters preparing themselves for parting with the dying Jaeyoung. But all this is lost as that character does not die in the end. It should be noted that a part of readers can easily feel betrayed by the title and get frustrated, but if provoking people is the goal of this story – then it is a perfect choice.
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) The title is already totally haunting and the some readers might become eager to read the story without even getting to the actual text. There is one, but totally perfect question rising in almost every reader's mind: “Why would anyone need to rehearse for silence? Are they going to die?”
original (4/4) The world play is not only really good itself, but also it is completely original as there had not been another story with exactly the same or very similar title.
story's foreword/description (10/10)
story's summary (5/5) This story's foreword is rather simple and yet, perfect. All necessary information to build new reader's interest is given. From short dialogue between two characters, readers know what to expect and they realise they will not face an extremely happy and comedy-like story. Instead, they are fully aware that the narration is going to be heavy and dark. This is a great away of creating reader's suspicion and catching their attention.
appearance (5/5) Probably the best thing about story's appearance is the tone of yellow in background, which is something new in angst stories, but at the same time it is matched with the poster. However, the glittery yellow line, separating description and foreword is not very appealing for a dark story. The problem is not its colour, but the fact that it is sparkling.
characters (9/10)
character development (4/5) First of all, it is surprising, but amusing that Jaejoong's profession is male nurse. Speaking of Jaejoong, he is probably the one character that developed the most throughout the whole story. In the beginning, he could almost take on the antagonist's role, because he is so full of belied anger and hurt. Withal, his personality progresses along with the plot and there is an evident change happening in the man's heart and mind, therefore – his whole character. If at first Jaejoong did not know what true love was and thought he was not really worth it, then by the end he was privy to the concept of great love and he knew he could be loved. The one who showed this to Jaejoong was Yunho and the latter's change of heart is remarkable. His love for Jaeyoung is described as eternal and at first it is extremely unbelievable how he begins to develop strong feelings towards Jaejoong. Later, it seems understandable not just because Jaejoong is the exact copy of Yunho's beloved husband Jaeyoung, but also because he was by Yunho's side, when the other needed it the most, and usually that is the situation when one falls in love with another. Also, Yunho's reaction when he first saw Jaejoong was very realistic and easily imaginable, so all the kudos to the author for that! Nevertheless, there is a thing that is overdone and it considers both the characterization and the plot. That is the fact that everybody is constantly crying! Of course, there are a lot of stressful situations and overwhelming news, so emotions of all characters are everywhere, but the endless tears are unreasonable and there are other ways of reducing the level of stress one has to go through.
characters relations (5/5) The relationships between all the characters are steady and somewhat stable. Sure, there are some things that are not that cogent. For example, it is a bit strange how rather instantly Jaejoong felt a connection with his at the time unconscious twin. At first, some doubts were mentioned that they were not emphasized enough. The same goes to Changmin and Jaeyoung's relationship. It is obvious that Jaeyoung is meant to change Changmin's mindset to better and drag the other from his miserable state. However, the resistance from Changmin when he first encounters Jaeyoung in his apartment could be more exaggerated. It is very favourable how he reacts, but later on it seems like he accepts the fact of lost soul being trapped in his flat too easily.
the author's mindset (39/40)
LOGICAL (10/10) Throughout the narration, bigger part of events makes sense, yet there are a couple of things that might confuse the reader. For example, in the fifth chapter, Jaejoong finds out about Jaeyoung and there is a sentence “He had a brother... a brother that not only was his, but also was identical to him.” Here are displayed his thoughts but in that situation Jaejoong was still in denial of Jaeyoung being connected to him, yet here there is this sentence that implies the character was fully aware of the fact that he had a sibling beforehand. Another weird situation occurred in Changmin's apartment. When Jaeyoung appeared in the other's place it was clear already what he was doing there. However, the reason for Changmin actually being able to interact (talk to and touch) a soul is left undeveloped.
ORIGINAL (10/10) This story is original in a lot of aspects, even if such details as Jaejoong being a male nurse would be looked at. The thing that adds probably the most charm to text's originality is the last plot twist, when Jaeyoung wakes up from his hopeless state. There is so much written about how each character deals with the loss of Jaeyoung and how they somewhat come in peace with the obvious fact that the guy will not recover. At some point of the story, everything starts to revolve around Jaeyoung's death. So when the miracle happens and the man comes back to life – it is a real surprise to every reader.
TONE (5/5) The used tone is steady and accurate to the story. There is a mild suspense that keeps the reader going. The set mood is full of angst and misery, which is gripping to some readers.
NARRATION (4/5) The chosen third person's point of view is a great choice, because it is omniscient and therefore, it is possible to show each character's thoughts. However, in first and second chapters, it would be better to put characters' speech in narrator's voice. The way characters speak and say everything is too unrealistic. Their manner of speech is too literal and people do not really express themselves in that way.
STORYLINE (10/10) Even though with slight minuses, overall plot is absolutely mesmerizing. The story touched such rather different topics as true love and afterlife, which are not usually combined in one literature text. It could be seen as brave, but wise thing to do, because in the end, the love described in this particular story required something deeper, for instance, a glimpse of discussion of what it is like to almost die and go into a long coma.
proper use of the english language (21/25)
grammar and punctuation (8/10) There are not that many grammar mistakes, but the amount of them does prevent from steady reading. It would be highly suggested to get a native-English speaker to proofread this story. Some errors and their corrections might be found below:
- Ch 1 – “follow me around in my work” should be “at work;”
- Ch 2 – “Because he loved Kim Jaejong, but Jaejoong couldn't” has uncoordinated verbs, so the sentence should be “Because he loved Kim Jaejoong, but the other didn't return the feeling” or “<...>, but the other didn't know how to love;”
- Ch 3 – “his job was everything he asked, and everything he needs” has wrong tenses and comma used, therefore it should be either in Past or Present Simple: “his job was everything he asked for and everything he needed;”
“We called him a few time, but there's not answering” is just a mess, here is how the sentence could be written: “We called him a few times, but there was not answer;” - Ch 4 – “he could met” must be “he could meet;”
- Ch 6 – “I would have done it with anybody” – “I would have done it to anybody;”
- Ch 8 – “didn't meant” – “didn't mean;”
“The other couldn't say no, because no matter how much he would like to understand what was Jaejoong feeling, he couldn't, nor he wanted to” is a super messy sentence for it does not express the wish that was intended, so it would be better to write it like this: “The other couldn't say no, although no matter how much he would have liked to understand what Jaejoong was feeling, he couldn't do that;” - ch 22 – “to prevent all of them suffering” – “to prevent all of them from suffering;”
“Jaeyoung appeared on his life” – “Jaeyoung appeared in his life;”
“he took another zip of the black coffee” – “he took another sip of the black coffee;” - Ch 24 – “full of butterflies on my stomach” – “full of butterflied in my stomach.”
vocabulary (4/5) What captures the most about the vocabulary and words used is that the choice of words most of the time is interesting, yet unusual. For example, there is a line in the first chapter that goes like: “big building that could be looked at from afar.” Most writers would just say “big building that could be seen” without going into too much description. Also some colourful phrases can be met throughout the story, for instance “he had internal fury that was eating his insides” or “he breathed solitude.” However, there are some mistakes where wrong words are used and it should be fixed. A couple of examples would be:
- Ch 8 – “apalogize accepted” – “apology accepted;”
- Ch 22 – “His flight was scheduled to part at 2:30 p.m” – “His flight was scheduled to depart at 2.30 PM.”
language barrier (9/10) Korean words and phrases were used a few times and it totally killed the perfect flow. In the second chapter, writing “Goodbye, my love” instead of “annyoung sarang” would not have hurt anyone. Randomly inserting “pabo” in the seventh chapter was not very satisfying, too. The same goes for writing “yoboseyo” in the twelfth chapter, when the character picks up the mobile phone.
Reviewer's enjoyment (5/5)
Personally, I loved the angst and I am glad I got to read such an amazing story before going on hiatus. To be honest, I had forgotten the exact reasons for loving your writing so much and I remembered it all from first two paragraphs already. I tried to be biased as least as possible, so I hope you are not too disappointed with the review.
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