Title: Chrysanthemums

Note: Spolier Alert

Story link

Requestor's Username: sophomoric

Reviewer's AFF Name: Amizupen

Date Received - Date Completed: May,3,2015-May,11,2015

Title (10/10):

Yes! Well done. The title fits perfectly with the setting, the ending, the plot and even the theme of the story. It is creative and symbolic. It caught my attention and also gave a hint on what the story is going to be about.

Character (15/20):

Development: When I finished a story, I would ask myself what did I learn.  Most readers learn from connecting with the characters of story. If your character have no development, there is a great chance the message is not being conveyed. I took little side notes when I was reading your story. So let’s go through each character one by one. I put them in the order of who I remember the most, so take note of that. Some character didn’t leave me a very strong impression.

Dongwoo: He seems to be the plot driver; in other words, it’s ok if he have no developments or changes. His interaction with Hoya is fun to read, but I think Hoya could have reacted more internally. Seeing a dead friend that you had accidently murder is some hardcore guiltiness.

Hoya: Nice transition here. Hoya had a very calm and tidy characteristic, but he didn’t seem to struggle internally. I suggest you can work a little bit more on how he had struggle internally. Then at the end finally lost his control and took it out on Sunggyu. It would be nice to see the healing mentally.

Sunggyu: Bam! Another nice transition. Sunggyu is a well polished character. He fights the guilt physically which is so oppose from Hoya. He had a character development and dynamic changes, so well done. One thing I would recommend is for him to confess that he was drunk on power. It would make the character changes even greater.

Woohyun: He is the gather of the group, which is that one friend who knows how to push the buttons. He took a lot of part in bring out Sunggyu and Myungsoo’s feeling on the situation. I would not be hesitated that he is the storyteller of the past. Character development in him is so-so. I only got that he really like his best friend. I didn’t see much change in him, but that’s fine some character just don’t need to be changed.

Sungjong: This man is just one happy dude. I didn’t see much from him. He was the least developed character.

Sungyeol: The one who takes the blame. He needs more development,  because I don’t understand how he felt about the situation. Yes. He is sad, but to what extent.

Myungsoo: He is so out of the story. I understood that he came out, but what does that have to do with the story. I didn’t get how confession relate to the plot. What is his feeling about the situation?

Individuality () Since is about a group of friends, individuality is important. You want to make sure the readers get a sense of each character's personality.

Relationship() Well done! You did great with the friendships between all the characters.

Dialog () Very natural.

Originality (9/10):

It is very unique. I like reading something else other than romance. It has an mystery that kept me with the story. For some reason, I know it was going to be a happy ending.

Storyline/Plot (27/30):

Setting() I love the setting that you have created. It is very visual and descriptive as if I have walked with these boys though the place they grew up in.

Beginning() The first chapter is very intriguing. It raised a lot of questions about the progression of the story.

() Sunggyu’s fall is well done. No comment on that.

Ending() I think the ending can have more impact. If the member didn’t say anything about Dongwoo being there, but felt it, it would left me with a greater imagination. Dongwoo could have whispered to himself the true meaning of Chrysanthemums.

Plot twist() Sunggyu’s fall got me good. Haha. I thought he was going to die, but you played well.

Others () Myungsoo and the girl really confuses me. I would give a second thought about that.

Grammar/Errors (25/25):

Nothing I notice so far.

Overall Enjoyment (4/5):

Great story. I really enjoyed, but I do think that it needs more work on the emotion connections between the friends. I felt a little awkward reading their sudden friendliness towards each other, because it happened too fast.

Bonus:

Thank you. I changed the rubric a little bit to give you a more organized after-thought.

I apologize for any harsh criticism. Happy writing.

Points Total: (90/100)

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