The North Star - deedee_zelo90

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DEEDEE_ZELO90
REQUEST ON: 10/20/16
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 12/30/16
SCORE: 99/100
TITLE: (10/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - I CAN TOTALLY SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TITLE AND THE STORY SO IT MAKES SENSE WHY YOU CHOSE THIS AS THE TITLE. 
EYE-CATCHING (3/3) - IT WAS INTERESTING TO READ BECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW THE MEANING OF THE TITLE. IT COULD HAVE BEEN A STORY ABOUT A COLD PERSON BUT ALSO ABOUT A COLD WORLD SO THIS WAS REALLY CATCHING MY INTEREST. 
ORIGINAL (4/4) - I DIDN'T FIND ANY OTHER STORIES WITH THE SAME OR A SLIGHTLY SIMILAR TITLE SO IT IS INDEED ORIGINAL. 
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - THE SUMMARY OF THE STORY IS REALLY GOOD. IT DOESN'T REVEAL TOO MUCH AND INTERESTING. WE WANT TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HIMCHAN AND HIS LOVE LIFE. IT IS NICE TO SEE HOW NOT EVERY RELATIONSHIP CAN CHANGE A PERSON IN A POSITIVE WAY BUT THAT THERE ARE ALSO NEGATIVE WAYS COULD HAPPEN. WE GET A SMALL OVERVIEW OF THE PLOT AND KNOW A BIT ABOUT THE PLOT. 
APPEARANCE (5/5) - THE OVERALL APPEARANCE LOOKS REALLY GOOD. IT IS EASY TO READ AND TO UNDERSTAND AND DOESN'T CONFUSE YOU WHEN YOU ARE READING IT. 
 
CHARACTERS/CASTS (10/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - YOUR CHARACTERS ARE REALLY INTERESTING AND DIREFFRENT FROM EACH OTHER. 
THERE IS HIMCHAN WHO WAS A REALLY NICE GUY BEFORE HE MET HYOSUNG AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HER. BECAUSE OF HER HE CHANGED A LOT IN A NEGATIVE WAY AND STARTED TO PLAY WITH GIRLS. HE IS AFRAID OF LOVE AND A PROPER RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE HE GOT HURT IN THE PAST. HE ALSO DOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE IS IN LOVE WITH YUKI AND HURTS HER JUST SO SHE IS NOT ABLE TO HURT HER LIKE HYOSUNG DID. 
WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HYOSUNG, ONLY THAT SHE WAS HIMCHAN'S GIRLFRIEND AND THAT THEY HAVE WITH EACH OTHER. BUT SHE IS ALSO IN A RELATIONSHIP AND LEAVES HIMCHAN BEHIND TO BE WITH THE NEW GUY. SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A GOOD GIRL, YOU CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHY SHE IS ACTING LIKE THAT, WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST THAT SHE IS ACTING LIKE THAT. 
I REALLY LIKED YOUR YUKI CHARACTER BECAUSE THOUGH SHE SEEMED LIKE A WEAK CHARACTER. BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE THE CASE BECAUSE YUKI IS A JAPANESE GIRL IN AN UNKNOWN COUNTRY WITHOUT KNOWING THE LANGUAGE THAT GOOD. BUT AFTER BREAKING UP WITH HIMCHAN, SHE CHANGES FOR GOOD AND SHOWS HIM THAT SHE WON'T MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM. I LIKED THAT ABOUT HER BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY AT ALL. 
FOR YIN, THOUGH SHE DIDN'T REALLY APPEAR MUCH, I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT SHE IS A CHARACTER I AM NOT SURE WHETHER I LIKE HER OR NOT. I MEAN, SURE SHE TRIES TO GET HIMCHAN AND YUKI BACK TOGETHER AND SHE KNOWS THAT HIMCHAN WAS A TOTAL DOUCHE BUT IN A WAY SHE ACTED WAS SOMETHING I WAS NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND. IT WAS LIKE SHE WANTED YUKI TO JUST FORGET HIMCHAN AFTER EVERYTHING HE DID TO HER. 
FOR YONGGUK, HE IS A REALLY GOOD FRIEND FOR YUKI THOUGH YOU WOULD EXPECT HIM TO BE ON HIMCHAN'S SIDE. I REALLY LIKED THAT BECAUSE HE SHOWED THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO AGREE WITH THEM ON EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING. 
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN THE CHARACTERS WERE RELATABLE AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND. WE COULD SEE HOW BLIND AND AFRAID HIMCHAN IS OF HIS OWN FEELINGS TO HURT YUKI WHO IS LOVING HIM THE WHOLE TIME UNTIL SHE JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. YOU PORTRAYED HOW HIMCHAN'S FRIENDS ARE HAVING A HARD TIME TO STILL STAY WITH HIM WHEN HE HIMSELF IS TOO BLIND TO THE TRUTH. 
 
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - SO FAR THE STORY MAKES SENSE, IT IS TOTALLY RELATABLE HOW HIMCHAN IS TRYING NOT TO LOVE YUKI AND HOW YUKI JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SO SHE TRIES HER BEST TO GET OVER HIMCHAN. 
ORIGINALITY (9/10) THOUGH IT IS A GOOD PLOT, IT ISN'T REALLY SOMETHING NEW. STILL, YOU ARE WORKING WITH IT REALLY WELL. 
TONE (5/5) - YOU USE THE TONE REALLY WELL SO THEY ALWAYS FIT THE SITUATION UNDERLINING IT INSTEAD OF MAKING IT WEIRD TO READ IT. 
NARRATION (5/5) - YOU DON'T CHANGE THE POVS TOO OFTEN AND STICK WITH ONE WHEN YOU STARTED WRITING IN IT. LIKE THAT, WE ARE ABLE TO RELATE BETTER TO YUKI AND HIMCHAN AND UNDERSTAND THEIR FEELINGS AND THEIR ACTIONS BETTER WHICH REALLY IMPORTANT FOR THIS KIND OF PLOTS. 
STORYLINE (10/10) - I REALLY LIKED HOW YOU STARTED THE STORY WITH A PROLOG. IT SOUNDED TOTALLY NOT THE WAY I EXPECTED THE STORY TO START. AFTER READING THE FOREWORD, I THOUGHT THAT HIMCHAN WILL MEET YUKI. I THOUGHT THAT THEY WILL MEET THROUGH THE STORY BUT YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT ANOTHER WAY WHICH WAS SURPRISING AND I LIKED IT BECAUSE IT MAKES THE STORY UNPREDICTABLE. IT ALSO SOUNDED THE OPPOSITE OF THE DESCRIPTION BECAUSE HIMCHAN ACTS LIKE HE DOESN'T CARE FOR YUKI AND DOESN'T LOVE HER AT ALL WHILE IN THE FOREWORD IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE IS THE ONE THAT IS ABLE TO MAKE HIM FEEL LOVE AGAIN. 
ALSO, IT DOESN'T START LIKE A ROMANTIC STORY BUT WITH THE CRUEL REALITY OF HIMCHAN CHEATING ON YUKI ONCE AGAIN. BUT SHE FINALLY HAS ENOUGH OF IT AND BREAKS UP WITH HIM. IT IS ONCE AGAIN SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T EXPECT BECAUSE OF THE FOREWORD WHICH SOUNDED KIND OF ROMANTIC. IT IS LIKE WITH EVERY NEW CHAPTER, YOU ARE ABLE TO SURPRISE YOUR READERS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. THEN THAT YUKI DECIDED TO CHANGE, TO SHOW HIMCHAN THAT HE CAN'T TREAT HER LIKE HE DID IN THE PAST ANYMORE. THIS WAS SOMETHING NICE TO READ BECAUSE THOUGH SHE IS HURT, SHE DOESN'T SIT THERE CRYING AND FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF BUT TRIES TO BE STRONG AND SHOWS HIMCHAN THAT THE WAY HE IS ACTING RIGHT NOW, HE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER. AND THOUGH YONGGUK IS MORE A FRIEND OF HIMCHAN, HE ACTS LIKE A FRIEND TOWARDS YUKI SHOWING THAT HE IS A GOOD GUY AND A GOOD FRIEND TO HER. HE IS ALSO TRYING TO SHOW HIMCHAN THAT HE ISN'T ACTING LIKE A GOOD PERSON AND THOUGH HE KIND OF TOLD HIMCHAN THAT THEY WON'T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE, I HAVE A FEELING THAT YONGGUK WILL STILL ACT LIKE A FRIEND FOR HIM THOUGH HIMCHAN DOESN'T ALWAYS DESERVE IT AT ALL. 
OVERALL, THE STORY IS WELL WRITTEN WITH GOOD DESCRIPTIONS AND IT PULLS YOU IN THAT YOU JUST WANT TO CONTINUE READING. THEN YOU CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND THE ACTIONS OF YOUR CHARACTERS BECAUSE SADLY THIS KIND OF THINGS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE TOO.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (25/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (10/10) - I DIDN'T FIND ANY MAJOR MISTAKES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DISTURBING WHILE READING OR COULDN'T BE CORRECTED THROUGH READING THE CHAPTERS ONCE AGAIN. 
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS GOOD, YOU DIDN'T USE THE SAME WORDS OR PHRASES TOO OFTEN THAT I WOULD STAND OUT WHILE READING. 
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - THERE WASN'T AN OVERUSE OF KOREAN WORDS OR COMPLETE PHRASES SO I HAVE NOTHING TO POINT OUT HERE. 
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
OVERALL I DID ENJOY THE STORY THOUGH I DON'T REALLY LIKE YIN AS A CHARACTER BECAUSE OF THE REASONS I POINTED OUT ABOVE. BUT BESIDES THAT, YOU WERE ABLE TO MAKE ME ENJOY THE PLOT AND I LIKE YOUR WRITING STYLE. IT IS REALLY NICE TO READ AND CAPTIVATING.
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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.