The Definition of Jungkook [review 2]

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Author: mistressdean
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 10/29/15

Review Completion: 11/02/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

 

Supporting characters (how to improve on and add depths to them)

- All mentioned under Character Development/Showcasing

 

 

 

Review

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

Absolutely logical, the title has everything to do with the story without fully giving it away. In fact I thought it was a brillant title. The definition of Jungkook, a person doesn't have a definition to be exact yet the title is telling us that this person named Jungkook does, or at least will be given a definition by a certain someone. Which we'll learn who once we read the foreword and/or story.  
Eye-catching: 3/3
Definitely an eye-catcher. It's rare as I've mentioned to give a person a definition, like you can't search up "Define Jungkook", you'll never get anything on this character, however you may find this story instead. In fact with the add-on of Jungkook's name within the title as well made it even more unique. 
Original 4/4
The title itself is very fresh and breathtaking. 

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

I have to say that the summary does turn me off, right when I got excited with the title and poster, I wasn't hooked when I got to the story snopsis. Because my first thoughts are "why does one has to be Superman or Batman to be related to being a genius?" "Why does one has to be experienced on by the government to be refer to as a genius?" Point is, how did they connect or how are they connected? Is by the term genius mean a robot-like superhuman? 

 

Then I read the story and was like, well you told me off good. Everything under the summary was mentioned in the story and they weren't all exactkly linked, but they had to do with Min Hee's thoughts. (See what I did there? Was trying to get back at you for pulling a good one on me.) 

 
Appearance: 5/5
Very neat and organize! Simple yet made reading easier and smoother. Though I'm a story-layout addict, I always love it when authors go for the simple, clean look. Sometimes the layouts can ruin the mood of the story and appear too busy, scaring away readers >.< But yours were inviting with the constancy of colors and font size. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

Since you asked for it, I'll try my best to point out any flaws or areas where I can see improvements for every main and side characters you've listed. (All in no particular order)

 

1. Jungkook: He's the straightforward Kingka. He's aware of his actions, he's not dumb, and he purposely does what he do to get a reaction. At the same time he has a very warm side with his family. It shows by how he interact with his father, who he still looks up to and love no matter how drunk-of-a-habit Won Joo is. This was also showcased at how he smiled when his mother mentioned his younger brothers. All in all you did well with Jungkook, if we look closely he has flaws and strange habits just like everyone else, but he does stand his ground as the smartest kid in the district. How? Just look at his dialogue, the terms he use are completely different from the rest. 

The play of the children could be seen as random, but if you look at it, it helps to show how well Jungkook could easily understand the kids. It's a sign that he must have been very close to his younger brothers. 

 

2. Min Hee: Honestly I think Min Hee are like most people, in term of how she interacts with the opposite gender. (Personally I'm like that to, but only to certain guys >.<) She has what the Japanese believes, three faces. The one where she shows the world, the second to only her relatives, and  lastly the one where she doesn't show anyone. Her last face basically has to do with the story summary, her random thought process. I mean it doesn't seem like Min Hee has any interest in super heroes but it randomly comes up to her. (Just how Naruto would for me lol) Since the story is told and focus on Min Hee's perspective, we get to see her three faces, this easily set her apart from the others.  Min Hee is also witty and sassy, however most of it is done through her innerthoughts since Jungkook is considered a jerk, ( and no one wants to argue with a jerk, let alone outwit them). 

 

3. Jackson: Oh this big-mouth troublemaker. Jackson is bottom line a goofball and joker of the class with no sense. Sure he doesn't pull random pranks to get a whole class up in laughter, but he's one who speaks before he thinks. In my opinion, the most dangerous friend. Especially since High School are students most sensitive days. Then, I would say Jackson was a too common character, but you added certain traits and interests to make him different, for exmaple him as the president in the theater club and then his random favorite number is 72. 

 

4: Taehyung: Jungkook's coolly friend and cousin. The only one Jungkook trully gets along with as they shared equal footing and interests. Graffitis are quite amazing art, and they both admire that kind of art.  Though we don't get to see a lot of Taehyung, we know Jungkook only has friends because of Taehyung. Of all characters, I think Taehyung needs more work (if you haven't already had something in mind for him). Give him an interest of some sort, something he likes to see or talk about. 

 

5. Sungyeol: He has the mind of a debater, if I see it he's rational but his debate senses are so strong that he does not know when to back down in order to truly win in an argument. Everything is something to debate about for him.  At the same time Sungyeol could be labeled as one of the more mature boys in the group, though he often picker with Jackson. 

 

6. Lizzy: We see her and mentions of her only a few times but we know she's one of Min Hee's bestie. (Who leaves who-knows-how-many letters behind for Min Hee's friends). She knows a lot about Min Hee as any girlfriends would among one another. Since we don't get to see Lizzy as a high schooler, it's difficult to point out any improvements necessary as of now. 

 

7. Won Joo: Jungkook's dad, is still a mystery but we know he really love and adores Jungkook, he brag about his son in front of other parents. (Many parents, Asians in fact, does not brag about their children as Won Joo did.) The reason why he was included on the list is because I believe he plays a major role in Jungkook's life. And how the lad ended up looking girls the way he did, with his parents divorced.  

 

 

Relation/Cast: 5/5
There is nothing wrong with the number of characters a story has, however it's up to the author to make the character stand out. Which means creating a character that would have readers either in love with them or hate them, to an extreme level where the characters feel real. Hence you did this fairly well with all of your characters. However I wish Taehyung would stand out some more. 

 

The relationship between all characters are doable and real. 


Behind the Author's Mind: 39/40

Logical: 10/10

The genre of this story was simply fluff, romance, and comedy thus there wasn't really any true logic/or sorry plot(?) to it, but the story in itself is logical and makes sense. 
Original: 10/10
This was your story, you made it your own with the addition of little twists and turns to keep the story unique. Personally I believe what made this story original was the 305 words assignment, not only do we get to see Min Hee and Jungkook's defintion of a word, we also get to see how they came up with the meaning for the same word.
Tone: 4/5
The tone of the story was consistant. At times the POV can be a bit blurry, but it requires reading in between the lines. 

Naration: 5/5

Your narration made reading a lot more enjoyable, it brought out the fun of reading the story along with following the characters' lives. And it felt like I was actually listening to a story being told authentically by you, the author. 
Storyline: 10/10
There's no main plot to the story as it's a day by day story, so this isn't going to be judge off of a story plot but rather the reality and believability of it. The story has only three main settings if we really look at the storyline, it's the cafeteria, Jungkook and Min Hee's block and homes, and then after school where students in clubs tends to be the only ones around. I love how clear you had the settings set for us, sure we don't need to know the exact room Jackson and his club uses, but we have an idea of what he's up to after school. The story itself seems so real that I could easily picture each scene, not just the scene but it was the interaction between the characters that had my full attention. 

The flow of the story is just right. As I've mentioned this is a day by day story, so we get to see what everyone and specially the main are up to. In the process we also get to see how the relationship between Min Hee and Jungkook blossomed. I'm glad it took them at least 15 chapters to start liking each other, openly.  

 


Proper Use of the English Language: 23/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

Nothing major but some proofread will fix your story right up. I believe you're fluent enough to be able to fix the errors once you've proofead. Thus I'm not going to point out every misplaced words. Otherwise you have a good knowledge on what you're doing with grammar and punctuation. I spotted more errors after chapter seven, some in chapter nine and ten as well (if that's any helpful). Numbers under ten should be spell out just for the sake of it (but I'm sure you already knew this).

 

In the future I recommend either connecting the first and second syllables of the character's name, like Min Hee should be Minhee. Otherwise Jungkook should be Jung Kook. Taehyung as Tae Hyung. It looks better if you keep their names wither together or with the space, but keep it constant. 
Termonology: 5/5
Your play on and with words kept the story flowing and gave it an easier read. Sometimes I wished I have written some of the sentences you've written (lol). 
Language Barrier: 9/10
I know that "Yah" may emphasize more and leave more impact but I'd preder if you try to keep the story in the English language. So use "Hey"! instead. Like imagine an author writing 'hai!' or "oi!", it'd be kind of random. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
As I've mentioned it before, it felt like you as the writer was telling me the story, hence it was a rather fun and interesting read. I enjoyed the fairytale theme, Sherlock Holmes, the hidden humor, and your style of writing in general. 

 

Sorry if I ramble too much, for some reason I do that a lot on reviews lol. But I want you to know that your story is an amazing piece, especially for fluff and romance. It's not even hardcore or light romance, it's the reality that can lead up to a lifetime relationship. I believe you put a lot of thoughts and planning into this story, you tied everything along so well and you remember to include all that you needed to include, making the story real. 

 

Sorry it took me sooooo long to complete your review! Usually a story less than 15 chapters would be done in two days time >.< But it's that time of the year where exams are coming in, everyone's tense and stress, so a lot of people requested time off work, hence I had to fill in for them. It's chaotic, but on the side I can fully enjoy your story!

 

I'll also like to add that you've been featured! Congratulation! Do let me know if this rambling-review was helpful or not. I know you were probably expecting more but I can't see how anyone would complain about your characters as of right now? I mean each has his and her own interest, hobby, traits, etc. 

 

Total Points: 97/100

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.