NOTE: 3 chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(10/10) Title: Although the story haven't been tied with the storyline yet, I have a feeling it will soon. I like the title a lot. And although it sounded familiar, I did a quick AFF search and there only 6k results similiar so not bad. However, "Where The Fault Lies", 'the' should be capitalize. 

(6/10) Character: Here is one area where I tell most requesters. Your main character is your driver, in this case it's Yuri. And you're doing a good job with her character and I do have more to add but here's one major problem under this section, side characters. You had TOO many side characters that are not important. It may show that Yuri had a lot of friends but really she only need three or so to make a strong story. Side characters should enhance a story not drag it down. I understand many authors want to include all these characters because ONE person has to be someone, but they don't have to be idols, they don't have to be mentioned as a side character at all. And when you just throw all of these idols into the story without description or a little explanation as to what significant role they play, then I always tell authors to just drop the characters. 

As an author you have to think about who will be important and who will not be important. Kyuhyun was mentioned, maybe because he's from Super Junior with Donghae, but in reality will everyone know Super Junior members? Is everyone familiar with Girl's Generation members? Aside from Yuri and Donghae on the cover, we have no clue what or how each character look. Appearances gives us a hint of how each character is or may act like. Sure we can include all of GG, SuJu, and EXO but what's the point when they aren't important? Are they there to confuse the readers? Whatever the case, the side characters should enhance the main character and storyline. That's what keeps readers interested. 

And Sehun stood out as well but what does he look like? Like when he first debuted? Or he had his blond hair? Rainbow hair? Or in your story he has red hair? Description of a character gives your readers a good insight as to how you as the writer have wanted your character to look. Put your readers on the same page as you, share your imagination with them. 

Yuri, I love how at first she appeared already like herself, tomboy-ish and violent (in terms of hitting). And she didn't cuss as much but the moment Sehun left, her cussing and shameless attitude arise and it shows how much Sehun could change her life by staying and leaving. 

Donghae seems to be the main lead male character but I'm not feeling it. He doesn't stand out as the lead, he stood out as a more "special" friend to Yuri. But because this was written in Yuri's POV, I can't say much on his character. 

(10/10) Originality: There are many stories were the boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly leave, but I've not come across one similar to yours so you get full score here. 

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: Because there were only three chapters I can't say I can score you on the plot because I'm sure there will be more twists to the story until we've reached the plot. The storyline however wasn't exactly satisfying (to me). Sehun suddenly left without a word and then Yuri somehow assumed he's at another university when she claimed he had not contacted her. The twist of her having with Donghae felt rushed and sudden. I liked the twist but this is where Donghae's character confused me. Does he like her? Why did he do it with her instead of comforting her? Just because can ease one's desire and whatnot, was it necessary at the moment? Yuri said they were never that intimidate but jumping to all of a sudden while Yuri was slightly drunk, that felt rushed. 

I believe it could still work if somehow there was a strong lead to that and then they concluded it with . Donghae taking Yuri home and then they just decided to do it after he helped her with her dress. I think if Donghae expressed a little discomfort at first then it'll hold their meaning of "best friend" more true. Unless they were already friends with benefit but that's just my thoughts and opinions. 

I'm curious as to why Sehun suddenly left as well so I'll be waiting for your next update~

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: There were many errors, mostly punctuation: the use and misuse of punctuations and the lack of it. I did not correct all of them since there were too many. However here's what I mean so you can go back and fix them when you proofread. "...." Ellipses are always three dots so when you're closing a sentence it needs four periods. After a person have spoken either include a period, question/exclamation mark, or comma and then start their next dialogue with a lowercase unless it's a person's name or location. That is IF the same person continue to talk after a pause and whatnot. If it's a different character speaking then an ending punctuation needs to take places. 

A lot of run-on sentences. There were many problems with "in," "at," "on". They were either misplaced or misuse. 

Usually when multiple characters are speaking, it's best to press enter and start in a new line. Just so it won't look messy. 

Many sentences were in-complete because words were left out to complete the sentences. 

Original:  I asked hastily after we stepped out from Mr.Jung’s class as I was distracted with my phone when our professor was discussing earlier and didn’t get to hear what he explained about the certain topic. 

Suggestion: I asked hastily after we stepped out from Mr. Jung’s class; I was distracted with my phone when our professor explained about the certain topic. (This was a run on sentence to begin with. Mr. Jung's, there needs to be a space. Include commas or semi-colons where necessary. Since we know Yuri was distracted and missed what the professor had explained. It's like repeating two meanings using different words to describe it.)

Original:  a puppy eyes,

Suggestion: puppy eyes (take out the "a" because it's not referring to a real puppy, just simply cute and puppy eyes.)

Original:  “Yaaah~~! ” he whined while I watch him calm himself  from my not-so-girly actions “We...."

Suggestion:  “Yaaah~~!” He whined while I watch him calm himself  from my not-so-girly actions. “We...." (After an ending dialogue, the following word needs capitalization. Before a dialogue add a comma or period.)

Original: Donghae and I are in the same circle of friends and what more is that we are also in the same class as we chose the same profession to where it became really handy for the both of us since we are already acquainted and we can study together for the benefit of the other. 

Suggestion: Donghae and I are in the same circle of friends and what more is that we are also in the same class because we chose the same profession. Where it's really handy for us since we are already acquainted and we can study together for the benefit of the other. (This run on sentence is telling me to "read this in one breath. I took some dictions out as I found it unnecessary to include.)

Original: We knew each other since back on high school days, and it’s really awesome that our plan on getting into same university actually worked, although we didn’t have much time to have fun like in high school we still have this spark in our friendship that made our relationship stronger.

Suggestion: We knew each other since our high school days and it’s really awesome that our plan of getting into the same university actually worked, even though we never spend any means of fun time during high school; still there was a spark in our friendship that made our relationship stronger. ("and" is the first and so you don't really need a comma, could go either way but I believe the comma wasn't needed here. "Of" sounded better than "on" for me. The last sentence was kind of awkward, I reworded it a little differently but I'm sure you will be able to come up with an even better sentence.)

Original: I took a sit and settled my bag on the table infront of me and took out my phone to see a new message. I beamed as I saw the id that flashed at the screen, about to open and see through it, a hand went to grab it before I read it myself and snatched it away from me.

Suggestion: I took a seat and settled my bag on the table infront of me and took out my phone to see a new message. I beamed as I saw the id that flashed on the screen and as I was about to open it a hand grabbed it, before I could read it myself, and snatched it away from me.

Original:  I directly head

Suggestion:  I directly headed [or] I headed directly

Original: “Was there a day my face isn’t like this after school?” He let go of my hand and slung them unto my shoulder and brought me close for embrace. 

Suggestion: “Was there a single day my face isn’t like this after school?” He let go of my hand and slung them unto my shoulder, and brought me close for an embrace. 

Original: Sehun maybe years younger than me, but he is definitely that kind of guy who takes care of you and loves you truly, the one you can entrust your soul. We’re both serious in our relationship, and there’s no doubt in that.

Suggestion: Sehun may be years younger than me, but he is definitely that kind of guy who takes care of you and truly loves you; one you can entrust your soul to. We’re both serious in our relationship and there’s no doubt in that.

Original: ...considerate with the others too....

Suggestion: ...considerate about the others too....

Original: Sehun turned around and as soon as I took a step closer to him he hugged me like I’ m going to vanish away. 

Suggestion: Sehun turned around and as soon as I took a step closer to him, he hugged me as if I was going to vanish.

Original: ten am

Suggestion: 10 A.M. (Numbers above 10 can be written out in numbers, especially when it deals with time.)

Original:  Donghae chuckled and leaned back to his seat comfortably when I told him what I’ m planning for today.

Suggestion: Donghae chuckled and leaned back in his seat comfortably when I told him what I’m planning for today. (Make sure your I'm has no spaces between them. I see that a lot.)

Original: “Wait!? Why are you buying three dresses? Not to mention their all black? ”

Suggestion: “Wait!? Why are you buying three dresses? Not to mention they're all black? ” (Their is for people. They're is both people and items.)

Original:  I called out for the saleslady and beamed at her “I’ll take both of these” “Yes Ms.” she nodded after I handed my card.

Suggestion: I called out for the saleslady and beamed at her, “I’ll take both of these.” “Yes Ms.” She nodded after I handed her my card. (Don't forget the punctuation. I input 'her' so the sentence sound more complete.)

Original:  Ofcourse he knows that is the most effective way of easing pain and mental destruction from too much heartache, I mean his a boy after all.

Suggestion: Of course he knows that is the most effective way of easing pain and mental destruction from too much heartache, I mean he is a boy after all.

Original: I didn’t see a hint of worry and confusion in his eyes; maybe he doesn’t know that Sehun went gone? since Baekhyun goes here with us and Sehun was in other university but that’s highly impossible! They’re bestfriends.

Suggestion: I didn’t see a hint of worry and confusion in his eyes; maybe he doesn’t know that Sehun is gone? But that's highly impossible since they're best friends. Even though Baekhyun goes here and Sehun is in another university. (Moved sentences around and reworded some sentences.)

Original: My eyes landed on Baekhyun, who seems that he’s been staring at me quite long now. ‘What?’ I mouthed and he stood up, narrowing his eyes towards the exit. Kissing Taeyeon’s head before whispering something I think that he will have a word with me; He does know.

Suggestion: My eyes landed on Baekhyun, who seems to have been staring at me for some time. ‘What?’ I mouthed. He stood up, narrowed his eyes towards the exit, and kissed Taeyeon’s head before whispering something. He wanted a word with me. He knew.

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: If I wasn't so busy correcting grammar/errors then I know I would have enjoyed the story much for~ But that's not the only reasons as to why you received a 3/5 for overall enjoyment. It had to do with originality, character, and overall storyline and plot as well. However it deserved an upvote because I love where the story is heading. 

(74/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

The grammars: Under grammar section
And how I portray the emotions?: Aside from Yuri's emotions (since it is written in her point of view) there were definitely a lot of emotions being expressed, however they weren't thoroughly satisfying enough.
And the pace of the story, the flow? Is it too fast?: The pace was quite fast at certain parts. And then in other areas it was just right and there were some slow scenes as well.
That I didn't portray the girls emotion or pov good enough for the readers?: This part was done quite well. It really shows Yuri's character.

Because there were only three chapters (which you did pm me about) I'm sorry if you felt the score I've given you were unfair in any way. I tried my best to provide you with the best advices; from writer to writer. Best of luck and I'll be waiting for your next update, best of luck~!

Thank you for choosing BLK Reviews and for your patience! Hope to hear from you again!

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