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Author: hocbaidi
Reviewed By: -Vminatic

Requested Date: 8/3/17

Review Completion: 9/5/17
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Changes? Improvements? Lacking? Strong points? Feeling after reading?

Title: 8/10

Logical: 1/3

Reading the title, I thought it would be a game where she gets kidnapped and she's forced to commit some crimes because that would indeed be a cruel game. However, upon reading, I felt that the title did not exactly fit the plot. The game wasn't as cruel as I thought it would be.
Eye-catching: 3/3
It was unique and it did catch my attention.
Original: 4/4
As I've never seen a story with a title like yours, it did catch my attention and it is original ^^

Description/Foreword: 7/10

Summary: 2/5

It didn't exactly leave me hooked. If I were to be scrolling through fanfics and came across yours, I would exit the tab upon reading the summary. It didn't catch my attention and did not make me want to read the story. Upon reading the story, I also felt that the summary did not match your story. You mentioned that Jungkook is obnoxious but why do I find that Minah is the obnoxious one instead?
Appearance: 5/5
Overall, the appearance is very neat. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 6/10

Development: 3/5

I could see that Minah started to change after a while. However, I kind of felt weird that Minah called Jungkook 'Handsome boy' upon their first meeting. It's weird. It gave me the impression that she was drunk and a very flirty person, like a girl in a bar trying to pick up guys for dirty uses. That was my impression of her. After that, she starts becoming annoying, in my opinion. She would not listen to Jungkook no matter what and in short, she became very annoying. I did not like her character in general. Jungkook, however, you developed his character very well. Though he was confusing at times, you gave him a lot of character and I liked it. I also loved how he was so caring towards Minah
Relation/Cast: 3/5
I could feel Jungkook's frustration at the start because even I was annoyed at Minah for behaving like that. You have no idea how tempted I was to just exit the tab. Also, I felt that their relationship is more like friends than lovers. Also, I felt that Minah liked to jump to conclusions and maybe it's just me but I really did not like that about her. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 28/40

Logical: 3/10

I could see where the story was going. However, I felt like it was moving too quickly. Maybe it's because the time limit is 24 hours and also maybe because you made it chaptered. Maybe if you had written this as a one shot, you would be able to develop the characters and story further and more in-depth. While reading your story, I often get lost and confused. Your flow never stayed constant and it confused me a lot.
Original: 10/10
I have not seen plots like yours so kudos to you for that!
Tone: 5/5
The tone was always fitting with the atmosphere.

Narration: 2/5

I felt that your narration wasn't very well done. From how you did not develop the characters enough to how you were unable to describe without causing confusion. As I stated, you were unable to keep a constant pace and I kept getting confused as to where the story was going. This flaw may cause a reader to stop reading. You narration didn't go in-depth into both the characters and the story. Overall, I felt that the story was just 1-Dimensional. You had too many dialogues which I felt could be cut down.
Storyline: 8/10 
Your storyline was interesting up overall.

Proper Use of the English Language: 21/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 6/10

I think you need to beta it before posting. There were quite a lot of grammar errors. Especially during dialogues.

Termonology: 5/5
Vocabulary was well done
Language Barrier: 10/10
There was little use, if not no use at all, of Korean or other languages.

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 2/5
Overall, I did not really enjoy reading your story. If I'm correct, I actually added as no idol x idol (unless ) in my requirements for reviewing. I felt that Minah was not exactly an OC because firstly, you added 'girls day' tag. That immediately tells me that it is not OC. OC means you can use a face of a certain person, sometimes even the name. However, you do not use them as who you see but rather, create a whole new person. However, with the way you narrated Minah, you made her your very own character. So if you want her to be OC, I suggest you to remove the Girls Day tag. That tells us that it's idol x idol. However, for characters, you put it as OC which is extremely confusing. 
Your story, overall, is not something I would read again. I apologize if I had offended you in any way and also for taking so long for your review.

Total points: 72/100