After Prison - JaeKnight

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Author: JaeKnight
Reviewed By: kpoperrose

Requested Date: 11/05/15

Review Completion: 11/09/15
Story Link: Link
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Review

 

Title: 8/10

Logical: 3/3

The title relates to the story very well as the point of the story was to portray Minseok's life and feelings after getting out of prison.
Eye-catching: 1/3
It actually makes the readers feel that it will be a cliche story and it doesn't involve fancy words so there's a big chance that people will skip over it while browsing through fics.
Original: 4/4
 I haven't seen a fic with the same title.

Description/Foreword: 7/10

Summary: 3/5

It actually wasn't that eye catching and instead of "We all used to hate these walls" you could say "All us used to hate these walls" or "We used to hate these walls"
Appearance: 5/5
Not docking points because it was pretty neat and wasn't confusing or anything like that.


Character Development/Showcasing: 8/10

Development: 5/5

I think the character development was pretty good. Even though the story didn't depict anyone else's story but Minseok's, I could tell that they've been through a lot and have a totally different viewpoint of life than when they started out. I especially liked how Minseok was so eager to get out at first but he then found out that prison had become his home.
Relation/Cast: 2/5
Since it wasn't a long story, the only character interactions there are Minseok towards his friends, Luhan and the people around him. The times that I saw realistic interactions are when Minseok grieved Jongdae's death, and when Yifan got sort of jealoous that Minseok was free. 

 

It is not all that realistic as Luhan was too trusting of Minseok even after knowing that he was an ex-convict. 


Behind the Author's Mind: 30/40

Logical: 8/10

The story's actually pretty relatable. It's basically about Minseok not realising how attached he has gotten to the prison. But it's not all that realistic, like Minseok getting out after offending half the panel will probably not happen in real life
Original: 7/10
The plot itself may not actually be original but it's nothing new with so many fics these days. The author boosted up the score by bringing the story into a different unexpected direction. I actually thought Xiuhan was going to happen.
Tone: 2/5
There isn't really a tone within the story as the way the author wrote it came off as distant and it really felt like the author was a spectator looking through a glass window.

Naration: 5/5

The story was told through Minseok's POV and it stayed constant throughout the whole story.
Storyline: 8/10

The flow was rushed and too quick for me to actually feel any attachment to any of the characters. Therefore, it was actually hard for me to sympathise with Minseok as the things he missed about the prison were described briefly. The only reason why this didn't go down any lower was because of the unexpected ending. Even though I couldn't really feel that sad, I was shocked when Minseok stabbed Luhan in the stomach to get back into prison.

 

Proper Use of the English Language: 18/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 5/10

Grammar mistakes were present like 'Every steps I made' is supposed to be 'Every step I made' like how it's everything instead of everythings.

Another example is how 'I'm used to be harassed by the cruel guards' should be 'I'm used to being harassed by the cruel guards' and how 'I'm used to do heavy duties in this prison' should be 'I'm used to doing heavy duties in this prison' and this area has a lot of mistakes like this so please consider revising. You may ask for help from another person or me.
Termonology: 3/5
Vocabulary wasn't that expanded and used pretty average words. 
Language Barrier: 10/10
No problem here as there were no korean phrases that disrupted the flow of the story. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 4/5
To be honest, the story dragged on a bit in the beginning and I was actually reluctant to continue but I don't regret pushing myself to continue as I really enjoyed the unexpected ending

 

Total points: 75/100

 

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.