NOTE: One Shot - Completed (Spoiler Alert)

(10/10) Title: As a writer myself, before I even come up with the title, I would search AFF for any titles similar to mine. In this case there were about 37,000 related titles/works to this story. But because the title tied so well into the story itself, I'll give it a full grade. 

(8/10) Character: This is a minor error most authors do, even though it's fic, most authors tend to leave out the appearance and characteristics of his or her characters. Sure it's B.A.P and sure as fans we know what they look like, but as I always like to point out, the idols themselves may be different in the story versus in real life and since idols dye their hair often, which hair color are presented in the story? It's no big deal but give your readers a visual, is this when everyone had black hair? Blond hair? Does Yongguk have red hair in here? Or in the story all their hair are dyed brown?
Example of why hair color can be a significant matter. Hair color helps a reader in reading one's personality (sometimes, not most of the time), is the character trying to be badass with silver hair or did they dye their hair rainbow? (Even when the idols had never dyed their hair rainbow colors). 

Now for the characters, I really love Himchan's character. You did an outstanding job presenting his character to your readers; he was extremely fearful (understandable) and spaced out a lot, remembering his past. 

Among the side characters only Zelo and Yongguk stood out. I understand that this was a one-shot but if there were have been more information as to how they're important in the story, then I believe it would have made the story much better.

I'm very picky when it comes to side characters, I feel that if they don't have a major role in the story then just leave them out altogether. Because although the main character is the driver of the story, side characters are what enhances a story. So questions such as: what significant roles do they play? Why are they important? How did they come to be his friend? Are they just in there because they're B.A.P? May help you improve your side characters as you continue writing. 

I love how Zelo was introduced though, but he and Himchan were the only ones that we were given a description on. Afterwards, Jongup, Daehyun, and Youngjae just pops out one after another without much expanation. 

(10/10) Originality: I thought the story was very original and very well done. It was short, simple, and interesting. 

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: Since it was one-shot with less than 2k words, I'm not sure if I would have prefer a longer one-shot but the storyline overall was good. We first started with Himchan coming from school and then going out with his friends, but then the flashbacks and bad memories kept getting to him as he was with them. Then from him being comforted by his friends, it lead to where he finally died in the end. Since the one-shot was short (in my opinion) I think a few more scenes would have been helpful in making the story stronger and better read. (Not saying it wasn't a good read.) I just wished there were more to the story, but that's just me wanting more.... 

Other than that, the story was easy to follow, concise flow to it, and relatable. 

(22/25) Grammar/Errors: There were minor errors that can easily be corrected by proofreading. English is your first language so if you proofread I doubt you would have any problem catching little mistakes. Work on the commas because some sentences were too choppy with commas every now and then. 

Original: Zelo, accustom to the older’s quiet ways, cheered when Himchan pulled his hand free so he could intertwine their fingers.

Suggestion: Zelo, accustomed to the older’s quiet ways, cheered when Himchan pulled his hand free so he could intertwine their fingers.

Original: “Useless brat, can’t even walk,” the man hissed, more to himself then his captive. Not sparing the boy a glance, he used the hold on his hair to throw him into a room. It only took him a minute to chain the shivering boy to the wall, his hands above his head. “Can’t do anything right, can you ? Next time…” he let the threat hang in the air, satisfied with the tears rolling down his face.

Suggestion: “Useless brat, can’t even walk.” The man hissed, more to himself [rather] than his captive. Not sparing the boy a glance, he used the hold on his hair to throw him into a room. It only took him a minute to chain the shivering boy to the wall, his hands above his head. “Can’t do anything right, can you ? Next time…” he let the threat hang in the air, satisfied with the tears rolling down his face. (Since 'Can't' in the next dialouge is capitalize, it shouldn't be a comma after "walk," it should be a period, since the character isn't going to complete that sentence, instead he started with a different sentence. And you can ignore the purple/rather, I was just showing you if you meant to but 'rather' there then it should be "than" since it's comparing.)

Original: Yongguk smiled and waved off the apology. “Your leg giving you trouble again? You were limping earlier,” he explained when Himchan tilted his head curiously. “Have they done anything about your pain medication?”

Suggestion: Yongguk smiled and waved off the apology. “Your leg giving you trouble again? You were limping earlier.” He explained when Himchan tilted his head curiously. “Have they done anything about your pain medication?” 

or

Yongguk smiled and waved off the apology. “Your leg giving you trouble again? You were limping earlier,” he explained when Himchan tilted his head curiously “have they done anything about your pain medication?”

Original: He knew Yongguk didn’t mind, and honestly he felt safe, protected, like this.

Suggestion: He knew Yongguk didn’t mind and honestly he felt safe and protected, like this. (Don't overwork your story with commas. Try to smooth out your sentences rather than leaving them all choppy.)

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: I enjoyed the story, it kept me intrigued and interested till the end. I didn't have to take any breaks while reading it so that was a great thing. Upvoted; it deserved it and also deserve more views. 

(85/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Grammar: Under grammar/error section~
The feel of the story (does it makes sense and are the two sides tied together in a way that works?): To be honest the continuously switching from present to flashback did confused me at certain parts. But then again, it was basically the whole idea of the storyline and such so it was a good touch to it.

Although you didn't have a cover, I thought this image was a good enough visual and decided to include it. If you don't want it up then do let me know~

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