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Author: Miechan
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 12/26/15

Review Completion: 12/28/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here) 

Plot development, characterization, balance, reader's enjoyment, how well it came together. Anything you pick up on that interrupts the flow. I'm very happy to receive lots of criticism as I want to improve!! 

I don't need in-depth grammar reviewing - I probably still make little mistakes here and there but I think it won't be too bad. If you find anything major by all means let me know ^^;

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

In the first few chapters the title had almost nothing to do with the story, as the story started out with Jiyong's everday life and such. Until the spirit Miya came along. "The Time of the Ghost" could represent the ghost boy in the photograph or Jiyong, as with time he's slowly becoming a part of the supernatural world. When I said it could represent the boy, I thought perhaps because the ghost boy/young master has been lonely for countless years, that maybe it was finally his time to reappear. Thus it was his time as the ghost. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
Personally the title does not hook me, but it does have everything to do with the whole story overall. But there won't be any points docked off, as it's quite interesting just not intriguing (if you get what I mean xD). In other words, the title didn't attract me but it did aroused interest.
Original: 4/4
I'd say very original. It's a fresh title in my opinion and though it's not what I deemed fascinating of a title, it's still a legit one. 

Description/Foreword: 8/10

Summary: 3/5

When I read the original summary it doesn't fascinate me or hook me in. (The alternative did that for me) Because the first sentence feels disconnected to the rest. Plus I believe it should be 'so' not 'but' for the first sentence. "Big Bang's schedule is more hectic than ever, but Jiyong is struggling to focus." Because it sounds to me like he's always been focused until recently their schedule started becoming "MORE" hectic thus he started to lose focus. But is usually a term that connects two different sentences into one, meanwhile so is a conclusive term. I think as the author you're too focused on wanting to give us the summary of the story rather than trying to hook us in with concised, simple play on words. Plus long and paragraphed summaries tend to scare away readers. So I wanted to give you a suggestion of how I'd keep the summary short yet give out the same amount of information. This is 100% a suggestion, you do not have to use it word from word exactly.

Original Summary: "Big Bang's schedule is more hectic than ever, but Jiyong is struggling to focus. He wakes from dreams he can't remember to find dead leaves scattered all over his room. A deep chill he can't seem to shake off is draining his energy and spirit. And there's something strangely fascinating about the photograph that hangs above his bed. As he is drawn further into a world nobody else can see, Sandara realises that something is terribly wrong, but for Jiyong, it might already be too late... "

Suggestion: For Big Bang Jiyong it may already be too late. As he wakes from dreams he can't remember, to discover scattered dead leaves in his room. A chill he can't shake off is slowly draining him. Like the strange photograph that hangs above his bed, he's slowly being drawn into a world no one else can see. 

To me personally it was a bit upsetting as the summary was a let down, but chapter one can hook a reader right away. However, some may already left before reading chapter one to find how well-written it was. 

Appearance: 5/5
The layout is clean, simple, and isn't busy so it's easy to follow. Plus the font size and such were all very consistant throughout. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 9/10

Development: 5/5

As far as character development go, the story only follows Jiyong from start to end so we got to see how he gradually developed overtime. In the beginning he sort of let his idol life run both his love and everyday life; he loved Dara since the beginning but always thought she'd just baby him as he's like a child to her. Much later on he saw how she really cared for him, without any mention of being afraid that she'd baby him in his condition. We show his life becamre more important than his image as an idol (not that he absolutely disregard his image as a top idol) but he didn't give up his life in the end. 

Relation/Cast: 4/5
I understood that the characters are the original idols, so not much was described. But each character, including side characters, stood out in certain ways. For instance, Daesung the mom-like in the dorm who's always being pestered to make coffee, Seunghyun who only showed up once in a while but is always looking after Jiyong and pickreing with Seungri. Seungri is the humorous one here, meanwhile Youngbae is of course Jiyong's best friend in Big Bang, and cares more for Jiyong than anyone else. I thought it was great that you made them so powerful and so like them in the story.

However, I'm curious why Jiyong is closer to Dara. Why did he like her when he knew it's forbidden or that YG would scold them if he found out? Why did YG allow Dara to go out alone so that Jiyong could go with her? What about 2NE1? I'm uncertain as to why Jiyong was so closed to Dara, especially when she treated him like a child, a younger brother sort of. Point is, I would like to know a bit of background and their history together, as I'm not a Blackjack or VIP. So I'm not sure if they're super close in real life or is this a ship couple?

I suggest making Seunghyun stand out a bit. His role is somewhat blurry to me. Like what does he do in the dorm? Other than him on social media and not being physically sporty, why did it matter that he was somewhat flawed? Did it have anything to do with Jiyong? It could have been a reference as a fan of Big Bang, but as I'm not one I'm not sure if Seunghyun is really poor in sports or just in the story (xD. I guess that's being ignorant on my part but, heh heh still. If it's in the story then maybe compare it to Jiyong in some way?)

Behind the Author's Mind: 38/40

Logical: 10/10

The story made sense and is easy to follow and imagine, due to your good writing style. 
Original: 10/10
The plot of the story is just so unpredictable, it's truly refreshing. Usually readers can predict certain sscenes but I was caught off so many times throughout the ten chapters. For example when Jiyong hoped to put his sweater over Dara but ended up getting stuck in it. That was unexpected and that scene was important as it showed how Dara truly cared for Jiyong. I mean she could have laughed at him like Youngbae but she was very sorry to have hurt him when he got himself caught. And especially when she was unaware that him getting caught was for her. 

Sure the idea of lead characters fighting against supernatural in order to live isn't uncommon, but you were able to make it your own. 
Tone: 4/5
The tone of the story was consitant, sometimes it's draggy but other times it's fast paced. Otherwise overall it's smoothly written. 

Naration: 5/5

The story was written in third person POV and there was that second person POV in the last chapter but I thought that was a brilliant idea. After all I'd assume most of your readers are YG stans, Big Bang fans, or 2NE1 fans. Plus it was incorporated well with the story without disturbing the flow. 
Storyline: 9/10
I don't know why you lied and said it wasn't horror cause I was scared out of my mind! I KEPT PICTURING THE IMAGES OF THE GHOSTS AND AH! Chapter five gave me chills! Such a well-written chapter! It was probably the chapter that had me hooked from start to end.

Each scene was so vivid that I felt like I was present with the boys. (Random fact: When Daesung made Jiyong coffee, I had to make myself some too. So yes, I took a break to make coffee before proceeding xD And if only Daesung had made me the coffee, he would have been my favorite oppa. Oh I forgot. He actually is....) The flow of the story is very easy to follow and each words gave the story a whole other meaning, and enhanced the images of each scene perfectly. Though majority of the time the story was well-paced, the beginning was a bit draggy, but no complaints since I thought it was a good idea. If you were to bring Miya into chapter three, I think the story would have lost its essence.  The idea of the tree growing was already amazing but the moment Miya revealed that the tree was actually growing over Jiyong's corpse/body, it adds a whole other meaning to the story's plot. (I'm not sure if the idea of the story and plot came to you randomly or if it was sparked by inspiration, but it's such a great creation.)

I also liked the idea that the story was set as the idols during a hectic time, compare to if they were unemployed college students. It then made sense that Jiyong was starting to look worse but s are too busy to actually get to the bottom of his condition. 

When I said fast-paced I meant the missing of dialouges that I felt should have been included, since you left some out all for assumption. Like how did Dara know about the ghost boy seeing Miya? Or why didn't Dara question why Jiyong needed to look at a photograph at his dorm? Like what could a phoograph do to the helpless frozen Jiyong? For example "Why do you care about a photograph when you're so cold?" "I'll explain later." would have showed that Dara still cared enough to do as Jiyong said. Otherwise it could just have been assumed, but then it felt fast paced when the author doesn't have it lay out. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 22.5/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9.5/10

Of course English is a very difficult language to write and speak, even for natives it can be very challenging. So everyone do make mistake, but as you've pointed out I won't focus on specific part of the story's text. However, I'd say work on repetitive, some terms were used in multiple sentences in the same paragraph or so. Try using a wider vocabulary as I'm sure you're capable of that. Very few minor errors were spotted, otherwise it didn't interrupt the flow of the story so it's not that bad. 
Termonology: 5/5
Your wide and expansion of termonologies made the story such a fun experience! This was very well done and I didn't see any issue with this. 
Language Barrier: 8/10
As the story is in English it would be nice if Korean expressions were left out, such as "aish", "yah", "noona", and such. Korean expression may be more impactful (and sound better) as the characters are Koreans, but sometimes the sudden term throws people off, especially those unfamiliar with the word or the way it's spelt. It does disturb the flow of reading, I mean any story written in English should be kept in English unless necessary. Sure those may be simple terms but imagine a story where the writer use "hai", "iie/iee", "si", "ani", "nihow", "ohio", "gozaimae doozo yorushiku: and the readers are just sitting there like what...? There's no doubt that with the use of non-English terms readers wouldn't stop first to read, announce, and pronounce the word before continuing again. 

In other words just pretend that Korean expressions are like large English terms. Some may understand but others may not and end up with a paused. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I enjoyed this story very much. I could have gotten the review done last night but you see, you lied and said it wasn't horror until I got to the creepy part at midnight and couldn't read anymore. I was so paranoid by your description of Miya that I practically scared myself to sleep last night. THANKS! I mean I'm okay with horror and I do watch and read them, but all of that good stuff should only be done in the morning xD Otherwise as I've said I love the story, the end was especially touchy. I just loved the idea of the growing tree, how the dead leaves probably leaked out from the photo to flood Jiyong's room.

On a side note I studied Native  Americans so I was super excited to read about the tent in chapter one lol. Quick question: Who was the girl from the tent? I thought she was Miya for some reason, but it didn't sound right xD

Total Points: 93.5/100 (Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)

p.s. Sorry to hear about your arm.