How Did We Get Married? - mirrue

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Author: mirrue
Reviewed By: kpoperrose

Requested Date: 12/17/15

Review Completion: 12/18/15
Story Link: Link
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Review

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The title connects with the story as the story is about Jessica finding out that she was married to her best friend, Aiden.

 
Eye-catching: 3/3
It is eye catching as the readers would be curious to find out how the two people got married.


Original: 4/4
I haven't encountered a fic with the same title.


Description/Foreword: 9/10

Summary: 4/5

Everything is fine except for the grammar error which was "How did we got married?" which was supposed to be "How did we get married?"

 

Appearance: 5/5

Everything was placed neatly.

 

Character Development/Showcasing: 6/10

Development: 3/5

There is a lack of significant character development. The story's incomplete state might be the reason for this . Despite the lack of significant development, the slight development of the characters were pretty good, especially when it was revealed that Jessica accepted everything just because she wanted her father's company. 

 

Relation/Cast: 3/5

The relations were realistic except for some. One of them would be Krystal's and Eiji's relationship. The fact that they're so okay with dating each other is a bit weird, especially since Eiji dated her sister. I can't help but feel a bit suspicious when I saw that they were okay with their engagement. 

Another one is Jessica's father who's so insistent on getting all of his children married as soon as possible. The only reason I can think of for this is that he's dying.

 

Behind the Author's Mind: 31/40

Logical: 8/10

Some parts of the story are relatable and realistic but some, not that much. One of the most relatable things aret he social norms that are placed and emphasized in the story. For example, Aiden and Jessica got married in order not to taint Jessica's image. These social norms are also shown at the party they had, like when everyone started smiling, some sincerely some not, at Jessica after her father announced that she was to be married soon.

The non realistic aspect would be girls being allowed to get maried at the age of fifteen. 

 

Original: 6/10

The origin of the storyline isn't that new, It is the usual they had to get married to each other because of unexpected incidents. Despite this, the way the author wrote the story in her own way was very original. the author made the government records show that Jessica and Aiden were married, so they had to get married. Another cliche aspect would be that Aiden seems to have fallen for Jessica and wants to sincerely marry her but Jessica is only going through with this marriage because she wants the company.


Tone: 5/5

The tone of the story was very fresh and easy to read. It mirrors the way Jessica thinks in the story as she is not much of a complicated character. She just believes that certain things has to be done in order for her ambition to come true. Since it is written very simply, I honestly feel as if there are some twists coming as it feels as if the author doesn't reveal a lot about her past.

 

Naration: 5/5

The story was written consistently in a third point of view and past tense.

 

Storyline: 7/10

Since the story is still incomplete, there are no morals to be learned. We haven't learned what happens when Jessica blindly agrees to get married just because of her ambition. The storyline is pretty smooth so there isn't much to say about that .

 

Proper Use of the English Language: 18/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 5/10

There are some grammatical errors and I am going to list them down here. 

In Chapter 1:

'I had to spend a million dollar to clear your name in the school. Plus, retaining that Japanese idiot took half a mallion dollar.' should be 'I had to spend a million dollars to clear your name in the school. Plus, retaining that Japanese idiot took me half a million dollars.' The word 'dollar' has to be in a plural form as more than one dollar was used.

 

In Chapter 2:

'Before this, I'm stuck with hectic school schedule. I can't join B & E events.' should be 'Before this I had a hectic school schedule, so I couldn't join B & E events.'

'Look, that guy has been peeping at us thrice. It's more like at you, Jessica.' could be 'Look, that guy has been stealing glances at us from time to time. It seems as if he's focused on you, Jessica'

'Mind me you through the night, Krystal?' should be 'Mind if I be your   throughout the night, Krystal?'

'It was not something to be surprised for' should be 'It was not something to be surprised about.'

 

In Chapter 6:

'cause I bring the best one tonight' should be 'cause I brought the best one tonight'

 

Termonology: 3/5

The vocabulary was not that expanded. Because of this, it made it easy to read, so not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Language Barrier: 10/10

There were no overused Korean phrases.

 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 3/5
I enjoyed reading the story but it hasn't really appealed to me yet. This may be because the story is still beginning so the author's still getting into her/his own rhythm.

 

Total points: 77/100

 

A little note from me

The score may not look that high but I'm a harsh grader so it's a pretty good score to get. The plot and the characters are very interesting and I hope you found my review useful^^ Fighting author-nim! 

 

(Please let us know on how we're doing by voting on our poll on the front page. Your feedback is much appreciated!)

 

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.