Of "What ifs" And a Honeymoon

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: dzurhero

Requested on: 18/05/2015
Finished On: 07/06/2015

NOTE: 5 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title: The title is really good, it is accurate and might be a slight spoiler to some keen readers. A lot of “what ifs” are present throughout the story and characters do go on some sort of honeymoon. The only thing that could be fixed is the first word of this title. Instead of “of,” “about”  would be more suitable and the whole phrase would sound more natural.

(10/10) Character: The fact that all twelve members of EXO are included is a bit unsatisfactory at first. However, in this story, the amount of them as well as of story space for each is balanced. That is something hard to achieve for a lot of writers! Yet, since the story is not long, the main focus is on two main characters – Suho and Kris. Even though both of them are idols that spend almost every day with each other, they are not even slightly alike. Suho's motherly side is seen from the first lines, when he craves to make a phone call and check up on his groupmates. He is humble, but very caring man. Kris's sensitive side is evident too, but he is more reserved than his lover. It is true that Kris is quick to react and express his anger or envy, but he is more hesitant when it comes down to showing that he is hurt. Both of these characters are like two sides of the same coin – they are very different but they fit with each other really well.

(10/10) Originality: It is absolutely true this is a story about idol life and two main characters are in some love quarrel. Yet, it is amazing how just a rather simple short episode from their lives is taken and written down. There are not a lot of stories like this short one!

(37/40) Storyline/Plot: The story is rather short, so there is not a lot of action going on. Throughout the narration, most of events are predictable. Suho and Kris fight but make up a couple of times during a short trip to another country, everything working out just fine in the very end. However, the flow is really nice. Every event seems logical, except one – the “honeymoon” thing. As it seems from the story, Suho and Kris are not married, so them calling their little getaway a “honeymoon” looks unreasonable, also having in mind that they “have been of multiple honeymoons.”

(22/25) Grammar/Errors: Grammar skills are fair. Some mistakes can be found here and there. They are mostly mix of Past and Present tenses. For example:
“He held it high above their heads and Junmyeon<...>isn’t able” - should be “He held it high above their head Junmyeon wasn't able;”
“It wasn’t long before the two doesn’t care” - “It wasn't long before the two didn't care;”
What is more, such non-English phrases and expressions like “duizzhang,” “ai ren,” “eomma,” or “baozi” are not good to use, because most of the time they are like little inside jokes that not every reader can understand. Also, it is recommended to put space between narration and speech. What considers vocabulary, it is really rich and could be described as colourful. The choice of words is great!

(4/5) Overall Enjoyment: Personally, this is not really a type of fanfic I would open up by myself, but I enjoyed it quite much.

(92/100) Points Total

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