Young & Beautiful - AsianNoodles

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Author: AsianNoodles
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 1/23/16

Review Completion: 5/20/16
Story Link: Link
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Review

 

Title: 9.5/10

Logical: 3/3

The title works, Young & Beautiful is definitely Sungyeol and Myungsoo. It could be interpreted as Myungsoo being Young and Beautiful being Sungyeol, but at the same time they were both young and beautiful, at least Sungyeol was at some point. 
Eye-catching: 2.5/3
Young & Beautiful certainly doesn't turn heads nor capture attention, but it's not neccesarily a bad title.  
Original: 4/4
It's definitely not original, but it's not so common to the point where it takes away that uniqueness. 

Description/Foreword: 9.5/10

Summary: 5/5

Once again the story summary basically gives away the story, but it's to read the details if anyone want to read the story at all after the summary. It gives too much away in my opinion but at the same time it is very interesting. 
Appearance: 4.5/5
The font for the summary were a little too big, compare to the a/n part. I suggest keeping it to the same size as the quote in the foreword area? That's a solid size. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 9/10

Development: 4/5

As Myungsoo was already a developed adult character, Sungyeol was the only character we got to see grow up from 5, 15, 19, 24, and to his old age. We were able to see and know how Sungyeol has changed over the years as a human being who was aging normally. And despite being with multiple partners, Sungyeol was able to love only Myungsoo to the end. That's not much of a development in my opinion but he was consistent with that. 

 

However, we do get to see how Myungsoo's starts to fall for Sungyeol as he got older. Which make sense, he wouldn't have liked or felt attracted to a kid and early teenage Sungyeol. But other than Myungsoo's favorite color and him not having any family, we don't know much about him. 

 

And just because I've read "If I Should Leave" right before, I find Myungsoo and Sunggyu's character similar. So Myungsoo did give me this Sunggyu vibe from If I Should Leave. This isn't a bad thing, but I wanted to leave this here. 


Relation/Cast: 5/5
There were mentions of Sungyeol's multiple partners and even his mother, but I'm glad you didn't give them an identity. Because then it's only proper to keep bringing them up in the story if you're going to give them names and identities. To sum it up, I loved the cast with only Myungsoo and Sungyeol. We were able to focus only on them despite knowing of the existent of others. 


Behind the Author's Mind: 38/40

Logical: 10/10

As the story was fantasy and fluff, I don't think I can really judge it based off of realism and belivability. Knowing fantasies, though, this definitely does and can happen. Though I do find it weird (if we had to base this off from what we know about angels) that an Angel was able to make contact with other humans normally. 
Original: 10/10
The idea was played off from the drama "My Love from Another Star", not sure if this was an inspiration but that's what I got. But you were able to twist it and make it different, as instead of the lead being an alien from the outerspace and from another star, Myungsoo was rather an Angel instead. And the idea of Sungyeol becoming an angel too was a great twist at the end.  
Tone: 5/5
The tone was consistent, no complaints here.  

Narration: 5/5

Narration did go from focusing on Myungsoo to Sungyeol's innerthoughts. But nothing too major to distract readers. 
Storyline: 8/10
Though the storyline was interesting and fun to read, I wished there were more focus on the characters. Most of the dialogus had to do with Myungsoo leaving, and I sort of wondered instead how often and long has Myungsoo known Earth? He seemed to be very accustomed despite seeing Earth once in a while for only a day, and the world is always changing. So I wished I've sort of see that being incorporated, somehow? Like for example just him wondering if Sungyeol would look good in old Korean tradiotnal clothings and such would make such a huge difference. 

 

Otherwise I don't find anything else odd about the story and it's plot. As this was a one shot I'm sure you tried to pace it, but at certain point it just went too fast. It felt rushed. Not a bad rushed, but one where I'd love to see more of it being elaborated. Like their meeting and them talking the whole day, just getting to know one another. It would have revealed more of how they acted and even their personality and interests. 


Proper Use of the English Language: 25/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

I didn't see any grammar or punctuation errors. 
Termonology: 5/5
Termonologies were again on point. I've always loved your play on words, it paints a full and pretty picture without too much descriptive words (if you get what I mean). 
Language Barrier: 10/10
Didn't spot any Korean expression, so that's a full grade here~


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 4/5
I enjoyed the story, not as much as I wanted but I enjoyed it a lot. Sungyeol asking if Myungsoo like him and Sungyeol becoming an Angel too was very fun to read. The only problem I had was as said the quick pace. I wasn't given enough time to enjoy their characters before the story was over and it was a pretty long one shot. 

 

Total Points: 95/100

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.