Love 102

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: Minderaser

Requested on: 01/30/2015
Finished On: 02/01/2015

NOTE: 2 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(8/10) Title: The title is unique, though I'm not so sure about its accuracy yet even after you've explained the meaning. Also, I suggest putting a brief explanation on this in the description.

(10/10) Character: All of the characters don't seem over-dramatic or too bland so far, so that's great. Another big plus is for not having too many characters. Most of the times, when people decide to write about groups that have many members, they make a big mistake by including all of them. You have managed to avoid such fail so far! It's great how you focus on Han/Jessica and Minseok/Sunny relationships, instead of trying to give at least a little role to everyone. For example, when SNSD girls were on the plane, you just mentioned all of the members being there, but only Jessica and Sunny came into the spot and that was good. The same is about EXO dorm, when Han gets scolded by the manager – all the guys are present, but don't really have a big role. Sometimes people name all the group members, but that just confuses the reader and makes all the characters seem the same. 

(9/10) Originality: Let's face it, doomed love stories between idols are nothing new in a world of fan-fiction. On the other hand, love itself is not an original topic, right? From these two short chapters I see potential in the story and I think it could become very original. 

(38/40) Storyline/Plot: It is very hard to evaluate plot since there is so little story written right now. Han coming to the airport just because he wanted to greet Jessica right before he takes off was romantic, buuuut a cliché, loved by twelve-year olds, who have just started reading fan-fiction. However, in the second chapter there is tension already, when it is revealed that Han lied to his lover about bruises on his wrists. What makes it better is that EXO manager is put into the position of antagonist. The topic of Korean EXO members being treated much better than the Chinese members is not new, but I've never read a story that would involve this before, so I'm very glad that you've decided to bring this up. What concerns flow, it's good so far. Considering such short length of these two chapters, a lot happens and reader faces much information, but the text is built well and the one who reads, wants to carry on. 

(22/25) Grammar/Errors: Your writing style is quite good, yet not perfect. There are hardly any grammar mistakes but those few that appeared made sentences look awkward. This also concerns unusual expressions you used a couple of times. Here are some of them: 
“They had just wrapped up the final leg of their European tour” – that “final leg” is really odd. I'm not a native English speaker so I don't know for sure if that's a real expression, but it seemed not real.
“more was expected to come” – “even more challenges should be expected in the future”;
“performing local and international tours” – “going on both local and international tours”;
“I just want to see her so bad” – “I just want to see her so badly” or “so much”;

(1/5) Overall Enjoyment: The story doesn't grab my full attention yet. Something just doesn't click for me, you know. I still remember your story “Marine”, I was so amazed by it, I probably expected something similar this time, but it happened to be quite the opposite. 

(88/100) Points Total

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