NOTE: (Spoiler Alert)

(7/10) Title: The title fits the story; however, it could be a little bit more attractive towards the readers. A title is a book’s cover, and, undeniably, we all subconsciously judge a book by its cover.  

(6/10) Character: Sehun’s characteristic went over my head. He has that bad-boy-but-loves-you manner. From my understanding, Sehun seems to love his wife; however, I can’t clearly identify the passionate love from him. I suggest to add more details on the characters’ movements and facial expressions. Show the story! If you are going for the materialistic characteristic for OC Brianna, then you have earned yourself a golden star! You done a great job on describing her desires and expressions.

(5/10) Originality: I had read similar fanfics before. It was pretty predictable once I start reading. One thing that kept me with the story was the hope of change in the relationship. To be honest, it seems to be an utterly unbalance relationship. One character is more dominant than the other, especially with the scenes, but it was entertaining. Hey, no fangirl would hate reading that if it is Sehun!

(25/40) Storyline/Plot: I like how you kept “it” as a mystery until the end. I kept thinking about “something” other than a diamond ring. As I have mentioned before, the other events are pretty predictable. However, there is no denial that you are really good at writing scenes. Well done!

(20/25) Grammar/Errors: 

I have noticed some small mistakes on syntax and grammar.

For example,

“She smiled as she watched her husband enjoying the treats that she gave him.”

She smiled as she watched her husband enjoying the treats that she had gave him.

“The wine bottle and his glass were empty and he looked sleepy.”

Preferably: “The wine bottle and his glass were empty, and he looked sleepy.”

“She didn’t want to waste her time, even for washing the dishes, so she just put all the dishes in the dishwasher after she the lights and blew out the candles.”

Suggestion: She didn’t wanted to waste her time on washing the dishes, so after she the lights and blew out the candles, she put all the dishes into the dishwasher

(3/5) Overall Enjoyment: The scenes are on point. The plot could be more appealing. I suggest to add a stronger pinpoint on the conflict of the story. I personally wouldn’t go out my way to pick out this type of story, because I am not into the control vs. submissive relationship. However, without my personal preference, this is a good fanfic. It can light up that fangirl craziness.

(66/100) Points Total

Bonus: I apologize if I have offended you in anyway. Thank you.

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