I'm Also Your Stalker - CRAZZGURL
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Author's username:
CrazzGurl
request on: 6/30/15
REVIEWER: eunriehyun
finished on: 9/11/15
score: 55/100
Title: (10/10)
the title was unique and original, it appeared to give the reader the hints of comedy and romance-which It sort of true- also it was use in the correct time and it was well put.
Nicely done.
story's foreword/description (05/10)
Personally it gives alot of the story and it looses the readers interest, so I would consider you work on it. (;
characters/casts (05/10)
From the beginning you show improvement regarding the first story of "I'm also your stalker" and I could almost imagine them as people you find around the corner of the street.Also needs improvementbut you're getting there ^^
the author's mindset (15/40)
IT did drive me insane the switching from 3rd person's point of view to 1st, as a writer I'll advise you that you go in one direction: you eitherwrite in first's or third's,never go switching it confuses most of your readers. Personally, writing in third's pov is move enjoyable, fun to write and your story receives more readers as well as personal enjoyment and the best part you improve as your story goes on.
I must admit that adding the question in chapter three was a total downfall it made me want to stop reading,because:
1- is inside the paragraph,
2-is better to give the hint that they're being watch than to actually point it out.
proper use of the english language (8/25)
Chapter one: Lunchtime must be separated.
Chapter three: They, Said, He(capatalize)
Chapter four: "..on his edge of eyes" change to the edge of his eyes.
Capatalize 's' in Shouted
Chapter five: capatalize 'w' in we.
Change: "...have a dinner" to "have dinner"
Capatalize 's' in scrolling , looked to looks (because this chapter is in first point of view)
Instead of using (?) Use your own words to describe how Baek Hyun felt as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"..Where the restaurant located" insert 'is' between restaurant and located.
Capatalize: of course,he, our
"Wuth" change to "with"
Chapter six:
The dinner (remove 'the')
Capatalize: He, she, the
"Why he no be gentleman here...I'm disappointed. " change to "why isn't he acting like a gentleman, was it all and act? Or was it because of the waitress?! I'm quite disappointed."
"Head headed down" remove "Headed"
Chapter seven:
"You what?!!" Change to "your what!?"
Chapter eight:
"You're face are pink" change 'are' to 'is'
Chapter nine:
"Brcause" change to "because" , "feeling" change to "feelings" , "his sons" change to "her sons"
Reviewer's enjoyment (2/5)
IT was fun to read,but because of the SWITCHING between points of views and the grammar it gave me nit the satisfation that i was Looking for.
Also, I'm going to say it l, junhee is one heartless ! How dare she does that,man.>:( Overall,I would advise you to read though and get a beta reader..
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