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Author: kpopcrown
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 3/10/17

Review Completion: 5/15/17 (Up to Chap. 34)
Story Link: Link
Reminder: 

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- Thank you for choosing BLK Review Shop, hope to see you again!

Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)
Writing Style?: Under "Proper Use of the English Language"
Realistic?: Under "Behind the Author's Mind" and some down below.
Easy to read chapters?: Under "Behind the Author's Mind"
Reviewer enjoyment?: Under "General Enjoyment/Last Comment"

Title: 9/10

Logical: 3/3

Before reading the story, I felt the foreword did its deed in revealing why the story title is what it is. Basically one would have to go through a hard time to see the color red as blood other than love/romance as the innocent would. I believe the title fits, blood is normally associated with mystery and angst when it comes to story genres. Rose is romance. So the story title and tagged genres worked well together. 

After reading the story, we got to learn and know what Blood Rose is. However I can't help it but feel that Renee's mother has something to do with Blood Rose..? If not Rose then perhaps Renee's father or Chanyeol? One of the biggest factor why I think so is because Blood Rose is active oversea and Renee's family lives oversea. And the simple fact that you intentionally named Renee's mother Rose and the ship Blood Rose intrigues excitement and confusion (good confusion). 

Otherwise the title is logically as it matches the story genre and is in the story itself.

 
Eye-catching: 2/3
Personally "Blood Rose" didn't sit right with me. If I were to scan a list of book titles, I would have assumed it had to do with vampires or something supernatural and would most likely click away. However, if say this book was in the "mystery" section of a book shelf, I probably would have pulled it out and read its summary. 

Original: 4/4
As far as research go, your story is the only or one of the few stories on AFF with the title "Blood Rose". So I would say it's original. 

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary did its job in giving enough away but not too much. It hooked me the moment I read it. And as much as I'll like to say that the summary is misleading, it's definitely not. Anyone who reads the summary would expect Jongin to be Renee's love interest, just because that's how most fic on here work if the characters were in the same position as yours. And I got to admit, I thought maybe Jongin was responsible for telling Renee red meant blood, but it was Chanyeol instead (I love the fact that Chanyeol was replaced with 'he' in the foreword to instill excitement.)

Appearance: 4/5
After the trailers and playlist, the author's note and credit section got messy. Some of the font were out of style, size, and color. I'll also suggest keeping all the banners' width size the same.  

Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Development: 5/5

The cast were quite big and there were definitely more than one second or third leads. I did try to give insights and touch on any development I saw from each major character. 

Renee: Renee is odd to me at first. Sometimes I love her, sometimes I don't but overall I'm quite envious of her (though she's fictional). Renee is realistic, I feel, she has flaws but is also good at what she does. I like the small details that were added to her, she listens to American music, watches drama, has Jae singing Adele's "Hello" as her ringtone, has panic attacks from time to time, etc. However, what bugged me was how quickly she became protective of her team, I never got the hint that they clicked or that they somehow mattered to Renee. Nor did I get the idea that Renee is very protective of her acquaintances. Yes, Sehun is a jerk from the get-go but it isn't enough to want to 'punch him in the face' all the time. And yes Sehun is bossy even to her team, but remember Renee is the intern here. It doesn't matter if it's another team's leader telling you what to do, he's in the same rank as her team leader. It's annoying that despite being new, Renee believed she's in the right not to follow Sehun's orders and instead got to choose what she wanted to do (it's even more strange that Yixing allowed this to happen but it could be because of his character). Despite getting a cocky feel from her, Renee is very independent, faithful, and clever. She fit in quite easily and was still brave enough to keep going to work despite being in danger. I must say Renee has and did developed. After taking a step back, I realized she's like any independent woman out there (in the real world). Depending and due to circumstances she constantly worries about her strength and whether she is fit for her task, and concerns at hand. By doing so she is unconciously setting a goal for herself everytime she gives herself a pep talk (or from another party). She wants to beat her old "useless" self and become stronger. And like any independent being, we set goals that are out of the world for ourselves because we are our own demons. We want to do better, to be better, and to become the best. In the end Renee is starting to see that she fit in and accepts that that's where she belonged. 

Jae: The ex yet best friend of Renee's. The one thing I'm most curious about is when Renee was seeing Jae, how did Chanyeol feel? How does Jae feel about Chanyeol? Jae is very understanding and caring towards Renee, and is very likable. He's a hardworker and we can see knows what he needs to do to get on people's good side. He's a people person basically. You did a great job building up his character until the last moment, cause I balled my eyes out when he died. (Damn you Jimin!) I felt bad that Renee's backbone and lifeline was gone, just like that. But we learn very quickly that Jae's absence was going to be filled with someone else's. (Oh, what happened to Wendy after Jae's death? I don't recall her being mentioned).

Hani: Hani shares an interesting past with D.O, El Dorado's hitman. She is an emotional driven character. She speaks with her feelings and is a character who hold grudges. She refuses to listen to what she doesn't want to accept or disagrees with. Like Renee, Hani often shows up to work despite being in danger. Hani is no doubt courageous and brave, yet stubborn. But thanks to her Renee blended in perfectly. Hani is in charge of filling Renee and the other team members in on any info. they had missed out on. Hani and Yixing's scenes are meaningful to Hani (at least that's what I believe), their conversations are often deep and carried on by their emotions. It may be one of the many reasons why Hani preferred Yixing to Sehun as a team leader. 

Sehun: From reading the story to the comments, your readers really ship Sehun and Renee. I'm glad they ended up being together as Sehun is good for Renee. I just know Sehun will be able to help Renee become stronger. If they stick together, Renee will learn a thing or two from Sehun. Now character wise, we know Sehun has his own ways of managing his group and he certainly doesn't keep track or follow up on s personal lives outside of work. It could be that he's insecure that he had build up walls around himself and become immune to what others have to say. Sehun also does not sugercoat what needs to happen or be said. If he needs to cut a member loose then he does it for the better of his team. Thus even when Jimin betrayed them, Sehun didn't seem hurt by it (unless he was but didn't show it around Renee). It could be because he's professional (where professionalism is necessary) as we see that at work Sehun is more serious and always has on an expression that is ready to criticize or take any criticism without allowing it to get to him personally. But outside of work he can become caring, embarassed, and relaxed. 

Yixing: Renee's team leader. At first I thought he didn't have any leadership skills. But in reality he is very open to what s want unless it hurt their work. We don't know much about Yixing outside of work though at work he overworks himself and is passionate about his job and justice. Yiixing did become strict with Renee when he found out about her medical records. But other than that, he's calm and generally soft-hearted. 

Seokjin: The mother of the group as they claim. Jae and Hani constantly tells and tease Renee about Seokjin having a crush on her. However, rather than a crush I feel that Seokjin adores or admire Renee. I don't think he like Renee. Perhaps because Renee is filling in Soyoung's position that Seokjin showed some interest, as Renee seemed different from Soyoung. If Seokjin liked Renee, he would have reached out to her after Jae's passing and Jimin was announced to have pulled a Soyoung stunt. 

Taemin: Taemin is rather kind to Renee but often bicker with Hani. Other than work and weapons, Taemin doesn't have much interest in anything else. He's around but he isn't around enough for readers to really know him. We've yet to see if he has any dark or sad background that may have to do with him joining the team or having a passion for weapons.

Chanyeol: Chanyeol is Renee's adopted brother who is more than just a brother to her. We learned that Chanyeol masked his fear by bullying in high school and despite being a bully, he listened to his foster parents. He is giving up his own dreams to fulfill the spot Rose and Dylan would have wanted for Renee. Chanyeol is often mentioned here and there but most importantly he's getting promoted soon, so we'll see if readers will get to know him better then.

Overall I believe you have a talent for characteristics and managing a large body of cast, but at times their speech patterns are too similar. Normally when people speak, some don't use the other's name over and over again, but all characters tend to do that here. 

Relation/Cast: 5/5
The cast is quite large which is understandable for this kind of story. The cast consists of idols and OCs. Sometimes it's hard to know if someone is an OC or actor/idol but in spite of it all, the relations is realistic and believable. You handled the large cast well, I like that each and every character is playing their part and together all teams are moving forward.  

Behind the Author's Mind: 37/40

Logical: 10/10

I definitely can see the events in the story happening in real life. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Your research did you well~
Original: 10/10
I will say that here on AFF, this story is very original. Really, it's not a story full of twist and turns every chapter but it's very unpredictable in its own way. At the end of the day it all comes back down to how realistic the characters and story is.
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story is very easy going, even throughout the whole story it's very chill... if you know what I mean. However, though the scenes were described but the feeling wasn't all there for me (it could be because of my mood but who knows). 

Narration: 4.5/5

I get the feeling that the story was once written in first person POV? Because at random times in certain chapters, the narration would bounce from third to first person POV. 
Storyline: 7.5/10
It could be because of breaks after each update but the days didn't add/match up or were confusing. From what I read and took note of,

Day One - Renee's first day of work. Reviewing files her team has put together for El Dorado, a group her team is currently trying to tail.

Day Two - Second day of work, going to Incheon to examine the dead body.

Day Three - Renee learned more about D.O and Hani's relationship (or the lack thereof) and the team was told they will be cooperating with Sehun's team.

Day Four - The meeting with Sehun's team. Renee hacking and was hacked. 

Day Five - Bombing of Namjoon's vehicle. Hani had also said there will be a meeting "tomorrow", preparation was to undergo in three days time and that the raid would take place "next Friday".

Day Six - Renee left to rest and rested nearly the whole day. 

Day Seven - Renee goes back to work. Sehun confronted her into needing her to replace Namjoon for the time being. 

Day Eight - The raid. Confusion here is, it's not a "next Friday" and it definitely hasn't been enough days to prepare. However on this day, it was said that Renee has only known Hani for five days. So it is a Friday and they are given weekends off? But it's been a little over a week without a weekend? Even if putting "next" before "Friday" was a slip-up, it still doesn't justify or explain the other days. If day five happened in day four, it's still three days short for preparation. 

Between chapter 17 and 18, I believe it was said to be November but near the end of chapter 18 it became December. So there was a time lapsed there. And I thought Renee started working in August..? But she has only been there for a month? 

The story was repetitive and most of the earlier chapters were redundant. Often I'd read a line describing what was happening or being explained, then the characters would explain or say it using the same words, so it feels like I'm re-watching a scene. This takes a toll on the pacing and can really bore readers. Here's what I mean, for instances you'll have a scene (this is an example, not a scene taken out from the story)

It's raining and Renee sees a kitten trying to take cover under the dumpster, so she heads over there meaning to pick it up and take it in for shelter. As Renee tries to catch it, a bypasser notice her and approaches, "What are you doing?"

Renee quickly lock gaze with the stranger and reply, "I was passing by when I saw a kitten. It was trying to take cover under the dumpster so I wanted to take it in for shelter,"

Try using different words or just cut down on the narration if you're going to have a character repeat what was explained anyway. This drags the scene and chapter on and bores the reader. 

As for the story I like that you kept it realistic by throwing in all of these cases that needed solving. It gets the readers feeling and knowing what kind of pressure the teams and Renee is under. However, unlike the characters, I assume trying to tie and explain all of the cases together is much more difficult? Not only do the characters but readers have to keep track of who Exodus, El Dorado, Block B, 11)) 1)\ , L, Bang Xiumin, and Daewoo are and it's easy to forget who's responsible for what and why. (Unless they reread the chapters over and over again).

I also understand that because you wanted to make it as non-fictional as you can, the events weren't exactly fun to read. It felt like I was reading an article about what have happened and what took place instead of reading a story for my own enjoyment. Which is why this story is so original but don't forget that when people come to read on AFF, they don't want a documentary, they want a good story. I enjoyed reading about the characters and getting to know more of Renee's daily life, but I wasn't really interested until the video of Jongin came in. It was so fun and cool to actually see how crazy Jongin is. The way he told the story and the description of him controlling his emotions throughout the scene was beautiful. Then we go back to small events that will lead to something big but it takes a while to get there. Finally BAM, Jae is dead. Blood Rose join the game, Sehun and Renee hook up. 

I'm not sure if them succeeding in their raids intentionally (to give readers a idea of how truly, realistic their power and capabilities are) or coincidentally (are the bad guys purposely letting them succeed?) and that's what I'd like to know (if reading updates will answer that then great. If it doesn't then it should be considered). 

I suggest also putting an estimated number of chapters this story will have. Because I've read 32/34 chapters but I feel like it hasn't truly started.  

Now when requesters ask for realism, I try to read and see the story in the most realisitc way possible. There's a few things that felt unreal to me and it has to do with the story's timing overall. I felt that the bombing incident was not taken very seriously by anyone except for Sehun. Normally when a bomb can blow up a car and send its body parts flying, I'll think the sound itself is very impactful and would be damaging to the ears. True story, people can go deaf or hard of hearing. I was honestly hoping that during the raid, maybe something happen where Renee's eardrums begin hurting because of what have happened and she'll rip the bluetooth out from her ear or something of the sort. Not only would it seemed likely possible, it would have added some excitement to the raid. But everything went smoothly and TOO well. Renee getting hacked too, and not just by anyone but someone from a gang, felt unreal as she was left in the hospital alone. Is no one truly worried that the gangs might come back for her while she's in the hospital? I mean the incident was all over the news so I'm assuming the bad guys knew they were very much alive? Plus the hospital is a public place where people can easily come and go so is Renee and Namjoon in VIP rooms or..? 

I also felt that Zico gave in TOO TOO easily. He admitted to his crimes just because Yixing offered a deal that normally would be the most humane thing to do with the dead. Perhaps not only was the details of Zico and Hana's relationship not revealed, I also wasn't sure if they were truly together because of love or business. And though Zico's gang is fairly small and one of the hundreds and thousands of street gang out there, I would think Zico wouldn't be so cooperative? Especially with the police and detectives? I get that his emotions may have gotten the best out of him as he just found out that Hana's dead, but Yixing basically convinced him in five or six sentences... 

I have a problem with Renee's internship, she getting accepted and permanently hired after ONE week of work is very unreal. Especially after only working FOUR of those five days. Even if she caught the biggest criminal in all of South Korea interns don't just get hired after a week of work (though trying to catch the biggest fish in the sea would have taken more than a week anyway) or because of their abilities from one case alone. They have to go through a process and work for a few months (from what I know it's at least 12 weeks, so roughly three months) before becoming official. I know it'd be hard to change it now as this took place early on in the story, but this is for future reference. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 21/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 9/10

There were minor errors but due to it being repetitve, it seemed like there were quite a lot of mistakes. Majority of the issue had to do with slip-ups and the reverse usage of on & in & at along with there & their. I've addressed some issues down below. 

Chap. 2
Original: Yixing led us to a car and pretty soon we were zooming through the streets of Seoul. The tall buildings then changed into trees and roads became fewer and fewer as Hani noticed the signs. “Incheon? Why are we headed there?” (Top half)

Issue: Nothing really wrong with this body of text other than the fact that it was swiftly switched to first person POV. 

Original: “The body was dead for almost 28 hours.” Was the first thing they heard from the doctor standing beside the corpse.

Issue: This was brought up in one of your other reviews. "Body" just isn't the right and fitting word. Body (when not referring to as a person) is a physical form of some sort and to say the body is dead is like saying the heart, mind, organs, limbs, everything is dead but biologically and scientifically that is incorrect and impossible. Victim, subject or even casuality would be more fitting. I mean body can work but that's contextual. 

Original: “No it’s just that,” suddenly Hani’s face distorted in pain, “We thought the other guy was dead, Renee. I thought I saw him die with my own eyes.”

Issue: “No it’s just that,” suddenly Hani’s face distorted in pain, “we thought the other guy was dead, Renee. I thought I saw him die with my own eyes.” The w in 'We' needs to be lowercase as there were no ending or concluding marks that came before it. Say there was a period, question or exclamation mark after 'pain' then the w would have been uppercase. 

Original: "On her 20s. fair skin. Long brown hair. Renee tried to forget the scars that covered her body, but it remained their nontheless."

Issue: "In her 20s. fair skin. Long brown hair. Renee tried to forget the scars that covered her body, but it remained there nontheless." 
- IN is used to denote a moment enclosed in time. It is therefore used with other parts of the day, with months, with years, with seasons.
- ON is used with days and dates. Also, it may be used in special parts of the day and special holidays. Distinctively, ON is used when you do not enclose something.
'Their' should have been 'there' as 'their' refers to a title or body of people. 

Chap. 3

Original: “I’ll be as blunt as I can,” He started, “Kim Jongin is back...."

Issue: “I’ll be as blunt as I can,” he started, “Kim Jongin is back...." Again no concluding punctuation to indiciate that the sentence has ended.

Chap. 6

- Yixing's name was reversed with Seokjin's when Renee was warning the others about Yixing and Hani being surrounded.

- P.O was also written as D.O after being caught. 

Chap. 8

Oh and you might want to fix the font style during the text exchange with Renee and Hani :D 

Overall your writing style is superb. Just fix those mistakes and re-read the later chapters for more of the same errors. 

Termonology: 4/5
As mentioned, the main issue is reversing the meaning and misusing prepositions such as 'in' and 'on', at times 'at'. Here's a link that will direct you to a simple and brief explanation of how they differentiate. 

At first I thought it was just a typo but throughout the story nonetheless was misspelled as nothenless as well. 

As I read some of the comments and reviews, one of your commenter did pointed out that addressing Chanyeol as half or step brother is incorrect and misleading to which I agree. Like the person who commented, I suggest you or your beta readers fix the mistake as I've seen it around. Half-sibling in certain places mean sharing a father but having different mothers, but overall it's when siblings shared one parent biologically. Step siblings doesn't have to do with blood relation but it does through marriage. So unless Rose or Dylan is also married to one of Chanyeol's biological parent, he can't be Renee's step brother either.

Otherwise your wide range of used terms were outstanding. I wish I can describe and tell my story like you! 

Language Barrier: 8/10
One of the biggest thing that irked me was the spelling of not one but some characters name. Try to keep them all consistent by either writing/typing out their names in one word rather than having the space that Koreans normally have. For example Im Ji Nah should be Im Jinah, Kim Yeon Su should be Kim Yeonsu. Otherwise every Korean names should be spelled with a space, Se Hun, Jong Dae, Jong In, Ha Ni, and so on.

Unnie, hyung, yah, and ssi were often mention and use. I personally have nothing against it but as your reviewer I do have to speak up and give you any tips necessary. If someone who isn't familiar with said Korean terms and expression, they can easily become confused. It's also a fact that certain native speakers don't like it when their cultural expressions are used in a story written in English. It sounds better and it says a lot but if you're not familiar with it, you won't understand it. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I'm thankful I was given a chance to read and review this story! The funny thing is I've never read a story where the lead female is a computer science major, which is a major I'm working on getting myself. And from one of your A/N you're only 14/15!? Yet you're writing about such a difficult topic! Kudos to you! I'm staying subscribed (expect comments from me when you update) because I want to see what happens next. Normally I prefer mystery, action over romance but I'm dying to know more about Chanyeol and Renee's relationship. How would he feel about Sehun and so on :) I believe I've said everything I wanted to...hopefully. 
 

I apologize as I did say I should have the review up in a few days time. But life happened so I couldn't read for two days >_<

[On your form] I have to agree with you, Zelo and Jongup are life! Gosh I swear Jongup became my bias ever since I dreamed about him. xD Not that he wasn't a bias wrecker before.. 

Total Points: 91/100