NOTE: Foreword - Chapter 8

(06/10) Title: Honestly I think the title fits and only came from Jackson but I'd love to see a different title. I feel the title doesn't portrays the storyline. However it was clever of you to use that as your title because it's totally different. Plus it only ties in with the beginning when Jackson was still known as the school's wild & y. 

(7/10) Character: Character development, I sense that Mark begin relying on someone and went out more when he met Jackson. However, I want to see more development of Mark's in different aspects. Like, since he begin calling Jackson's mom, mom, does it effect his lonely days without his mother. He was envious at one point but I would love to see more of a relationship between him father and him. Jackson wasn't developed as much as I'd hope for. Yes, he was the school's popular boy but after changing he became a total stranger to the school. I mean, was there not one single girl interested in a "selfish" Jackson? I find it interesting how all the girls there would squeal and follow Mark around but not once did he decided to hang out with any of them. Although they're annoying, he didn't even hang out with one boy? 

(9/10) Originality: The story feels real. You can feel each character's burden and to be honest I pity them. You description of two lonely boys coming together was enticing and new. Although I find it funny that the two spends a lot of time away from others, despite  not having difficulty communicating, it was an unique way to go. Rather than Jackson is the rich boy and Mark plays as the poor outcast pretty girl (lol). So that was great!

(30/40) Storyline/Plot: Is it just me or Mark was homo at heart? He becomes flustered, embarrassed, and blushes a lot (that's adorable). I love the way you're going with the storyline. (I LOVE GTA V LOL) I wish there were more scenes and more description of each scene though. I have to admit that the story really lost me until the last two chapters where I became more interested. As much as I love the characters and the idols you chose to portray each role, I couldn't image each scene thoroughly. I wish each scene were more clear even if it drags the story. It skipped around a lot and I wasn't very fond of that. 

(17/25) Grammar/Errors: Please please proofread your work. Thought and though are two different words but I find that you used "thought" even when you meant for it to be though. I found a lot of errors: misspell, run on sentences/paragraphs,  leaving a word out, and just using the incorrect term to get your idea across. Please proofread that's all I ask. English isn't your first language but you did well! Just make sure you double check what I've listed. Embarrassed were use way to much that I got annoyed. Instead of embarrassed or embarrass I'm sure you meant "flustered" or "blushes". Your tenses needs some work too (but who am I to judge, I'm a fool at it myself haha). Your story would have been way more enjoyable if your vocabularies weren't so limited. Also, 'weird' was mentioned way too often. Use different adjectives and verbs instead.

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: Who said I didn't like it? I love it! I mean it's Mark and Jackson! Yay! And GTA V! -fan girl- PERFECT! They're so adorable when they play games! Ahaha. I subscribed and up-voted cause duh! I'm hoping to see more of the story and from you! 

(74/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Romance: Although it wasn't very romantic I got to say it's still adorable and perfect. I wouldn't have asked for any more romantic scenes, the sleeping together is already AMAZING! 

 This is my first time requesting for a review, so please tell me if I did something wrong: 

Well first of all, thanks for requesting! I know it's a bit nerve wrecking especially when having a stranger read your story! Thanks again I love you! Haha 

 Keep writing author!

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