Hold Me Tight - Kurono_mitsuki
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kurono_mitsuki
REQUEST ON: 3/20/17
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 3/24/17
SCORE: 90/100
TITLE: (6/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - So far, there are not these big obvious hints that could explain why you chose this title but I have some guesses, some things that could happen so it would explain it.
EYE-CATCHING (2/3) - For me, the title was not really eye-catching, I mean it sounds nice and romantic but not really like something special that grabs your interest.
ORIGINAL (1/4) - Your title is not really original either, though I understand why you chose it, you are not the first one to come up with this idea and most of the other stories with this title have BTS pairings too so it takes away the originality.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - It doesn't reveal too much and though it is short, it has something interesting on it that makes you curious. it is like the whole story is still a mystery.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - the overall look is also really good, everything is easy to read and to understand and in order.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (9/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (5/5) - as we are still in the beginning of the story, there is no big development yet for the characters. But I have to say that so far the characters are good. They are interesting and chameleonic.
Though I didn't really think that Taehyung is weak, I didn't really expect him to snap at Jungkook and to scold him when his friends get attacked like this.
Though I didn't really think that Taehyung is weak, I didn't really expect him to snap at Jungkook and to scold him when his friends get attacked like this.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (4/5) - so far, we know how the characters are connected and who is the closest to who. We loosely see some interactions but for relations like the one of Yoongi and taehyung to put a more realistic feeling to it, there should be more, not only hugs but some signs that show how their relation really is something spec.
For Jungkook, he is described as something like a bad guy or more like a guy with bad behavior but somehow it doesn't really feel like it. It feels more like Jungkook is a child that had a bad experience in the past and doesn't want to get hurt again. So some actions of Jungkook that show clearer who he is would be nice and give you a better feeling for his character.
This is also something you can apply to the other characters so your reader is able to feel a connection to them.
For Jungkook, he is described as something like a bad guy or more like a guy with bad behavior but somehow it doesn't really feel like it. It feels more like Jungkook is a child that had a bad experience in the past and doesn't want to get hurt again. So some actions of Jungkook that show clearer who he is would be nice and give you a better feeling for his character.
This is also something you can apply to the other characters so your reader is able to feel a connection to them.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - So far so good, there are no logical holes in your plot.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - It is hard to say whether it is an original plot or not because there is not much plot yet, it was more like the introduction of everybody so we have to wait and see.
TONE (5/5) - The tone of the story is good so far, it fits the situations.
NARRATION (5/5) - The POVs make sense and once you started writing in one point of view, you stay with it. You don't switch them too often either which doesn't lead to confusions.
STORYLINE (9/10) - The plot caught my interest from the first chapter on as there were many open things in it. I mean the whole story starts with someone getting hurt and even ending up in the hospital but we don't know yet who this is and why he got hurt like that.
And though we didn't really get the answer to this parts of the story yet, it still is interesting because so far there is this introduction of the characters and their relations. There also some hints in the story so the reader can think about possibilities of what will happen and how your characters will be related in the future.
The plotlines sound good so far mostly. Jin and Jimin seem interesting as Jin has some problems and it also seems like there could be some jealousy between Jimin and Jin because of Honseok. I am really curious why Jin is having fear of germs Also the reason why Namjoon had to leave them behind has potential.
The story line between Jungkook and Taehyung sounds nice too but I have to say that it now reached a point where it should change a bit. Get a bit more extreme because Jungkook is acting the same the whole time. The baddest he gets is calling others loser so it would be nice to add some spice into this plotline like I mentioned above.
And though we didn't really get the answer to this parts of the story yet, it still is interesting because so far there is this introduction of the characters and their relations. There also some hints in the story so the reader can think about possibilities of what will happen and how your characters will be related in the future.
The plotlines sound good so far mostly. Jin and Jimin seem interesting as Jin has some problems and it also seems like there could be some jealousy between Jimin and Jin because of Honseok. I am really curious why Jin is having fear of germs Also the reason why Namjoon had to leave them behind has potential.
The story line between Jungkook and Taehyung sounds nice too but I have to say that it now reached a point where it should change a bit. Get a bit more extreme because Jungkook is acting the same the whole time. The baddest he gets is calling others loser so it would be nice to add some spice into this plotline like I mentioned above.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (22/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (7/10) - There are a few mistakes in your story that can easily be corrected. Here are some examples:
Mrs. Kim squealed when she looked at their new born son. → newborn
All that happened was that he recieved something. → received
He received the rise of bile in the back of his troat and the feel of blood trickling down the side of his face. → throat
"That's quite the force Taetae" said a pale male standing in the doorframe of his room. → Here you are missing the punctuation after using direct speech. There should be a comma behind TaeTae.
And there are more of those small mistakes over the published chapters so you should consider rereading your chapters before publishing them again. Like a day or two after you finished writing it so you are more aware of the mistakes you did. And if you doN't want to do it yourself you could also look for a beta-reader.
All that happened was that he recieved something. → received
He received the rise of bile in the back of his troat and the feel of blood trickling down the side of his face. → throat
"That's quite the force Taetae" said a pale male standing in the doorframe of his room. → Here you are missing the punctuation after using direct speech. There should be a comma behind TaeTae.
And there are more of those small mistakes over the published chapters so you should consider rereading your chapters before publishing them again. Like a day or two after you finished writing it so you are more aware of the mistakes you did. And if you doN't want to do it yourself you could also look for a beta-reader.
TERMiNOLOGY (5/5) - There was no overuse of phrases or words, you don't have a limited knowledge of words.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - Though you are using Korean in your story, you keep it at a bay instead of overusing it or randomly writing whole sentences in Korean.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (4/5)
overall the story is not bad so far. It has its interesting parts that made me keep on going though I didn't really like Jungkook and his behavior. The glimpses of the plot I got so far seem to be promising too and your writing style is nice too. So this story has potential and if you keep on working on it, I am sure that it will turn out well.
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