Here To Spy

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: crazyasianlady

Requested on: 04/13/2015
Finished On: 04/19/2015

NOTE: 3 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(10/10) Title: The title is really accurate and well-chosen. It reflects story's main idea and gives slight spoiler to what will the story be about. Really, a great choice!

(9/10) Character: So far, characters are good and nicely written. Some of main characters (Leah and Seth) personality features can be distinguished already. For instance, Leah is quite persistent, but seems like a caring person. While Seth is rather protective, always ready to be there for his friend/crush. The way Leah and Seth interact is very cute and heart-warming. However, there is one detail that may not seem very logic for some readers. The age of all characters is too young. If the main characters were two or three years older, it would be more beneficial. Their wise decisions and thoughts in general would make more sense.

(9/10) Originality: Spy stories are gaining more popularity and sometimes they all look the same. However, the main mission that spies get in this story makes a great impact on originality factor.

(37/40) Storyline/Plot: There has not been a lot of story written yet, so not a lot has happened. However, the storyline is good. Nearly to every event there is an explanation. But a couple of things distract reader from following the story fully. The fact that main characters are not dropping school to become spies, but they are doing that just during summer vacation should be mentioned in the beginning, not in the third chapter. Because until the latest chapter it is not clear that Leah and Seth got a job for a temporary period of time. Also, Seth breaking the window just to get into Leah's room is illogical. No matter how hard the reader tries to look at this scene from different perspectives, it does not make sense. Same is with Leah's father breaking the door (“All of a sudden, my bedroom door falls to the floor, the lock and hinges broken”)

(23/25) Grammar/Errors: The grammar skills of yours are really good. The choice of words and the vocabulary in general is very satisfying. Only a couple of mistakes were noticed:
“Does your parents know<...>” – “Do you parents know”;
“Is that’s how you treat women?” – “Is that how you treat women?”.
Also, the usage of non-English words sometimes might be tricky and should be paid extra attention to. For example, using such words as “yukatas” or “kingyo-sukui” is totally okay, because these are names of traditional things of a country and they do not have equivalents in English most of the time. But writing “Konnichiwa” and etc. should be avoided, because such phrases can be easily translated and do not add anything to the story. Also, if you want to emphasize that a character spoke in different language, you can state that in narration, for example in this situation “ “Good evening,” he greeted my parents in Japanese.” ”

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: I might have expressed some critique but overall I actually like what I have read so far. I totally keep being subscribed and anticipate for next chapter!

(93/100) Points Total

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