Be mine, Lily flower-- Moelolz

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Author: Moelolz
Reviewed By: Eunriehyun

Requested Date: 10/00/15
Story Link: Link
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Review

 

Title: 10/10

 

The title fit well with the story. It gave a suspense and eerie feeling together with a bit of physiological. 

  

Description/Foreword: 10/10

 

A beautiful thought it through! Clean and well organized description. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

 

Great communication between the characters, they did sound real and the protagonist development wasn't rush like in other pieces of ff.


Behind the Author's Mind: 40/40

 

Great storyline! It seemed original and fresh and full of surprises!! And although the story continues the readers are left with wanting more...hell, I wanted more! 

 

Proper Use of the English Language: 15/25

 

 The only errors I saw were grammar and spelling mistakes, which can be corrected be using an app or a Microsoft Word document.  I saw errors in punctuation, and those that I already pointed out. The errors were presented in the first chapters. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
 

I loved your story. If I were her I would kill him in his sleep!! Oh, why doesn't he want her in his room....unless he has other girls there in a terrible state (!?) I think that your story will end in five chapters. Because it is almost at its peak, and what you I like for you to focus is in her decision making and what path will she go: the path of the victim or the path of justice. (I still think she should kill him to save herself and those she loves....without anyone knowing.lol) 

Sorry, I write this types of stories so I almost all the time end up on killing someone -with a reason. 

Thanks forthe reading and sorry I took so long.^^

 

Total: 90/100

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Comments

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WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#1
One more thing. I know the Description and the forward are super long. But I planned this story to be like a Novella/Soap Opera.
It may seem like I'm giving away to much in the Description and The Forward, but as you realize you might notice that I haven't.
There are three main parts to this story:
The Past-Childhood
The Past- Orphans/Teens
The Present- The main setting, in which the forward revealed nothing.

I'm an interactive author, meaning I ask questions at the end and leave hints here and there for the readers to try there best at guessing. (They become more invested in my story this way, lol)
WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
#2
-Username : WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
-Profile link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/49463

- Story title : Love Me Right
- Story link : http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/976222/love-me-right-mpreg-hunhan-taoris-kaisoo-sulay-chanbaek-chenmin

-Genre : OT12, Angst, Mpreg, Fluff, Comedy, Growth, Friendship, Life, and "LEARNING TO LOVE"

- On-going | To be a long fic.

- Reviewer : KaihleeLo

- So The title of the fic is "Love Me Right", but it has nothing to do with the EXO song; even though some would just assume. The reason why I titled it 'Love Me Right' is because 6 of the main characters suffered in their childhood and eventually were orphaned. They don't know how to let themselves love. In particular, Luhan. As for the other 6 'Love' and 'Lust' are two different things.

- So before you read, I would like to point out, that the pacing of the story and the built up is exactly how I planned. I don't want to rush Romance because you don't 'fall in love' over night, and the characters need to mature. Also, there is a pattern to my chapters "The Past" chapters are essentially flashbacks. "The Present" is taking place now. For every 5 "The Present" chapters, it will be followed by 2 "The Past" chapters; Childhood/Teen years.

- I have a reader who offered to proofread my chapters since I had some typos, and I don't have the time to go back and fix them. "I always update between 12 am - 5 am, so that is the main reason". She is still editing the earlier chapters so please realize I am fixing the errors.


Oh gosh this was a lot. I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous, and I wanted to explain the above before you review.
-Tigress-
#3
Chapter 127: Hey can I have someone send me my review here so I can save it?
This archive is non-selectable so I can't save it myself.