Beneath Her Beauty

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for:  xoxoexo

Requested on: 10/14/2014
Finished On: 03/16/2015

NOTE: 30 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title: The title is good, but not perfect. Since the protagonist's beauty is so emphasized in the title it should be so throughout the story, too. However, as the story goes on, the beauty is rather neglected. Sometimes it is stated how beautiful the lead female is, but it feels a bit forced. At the end of the story Areum does not stay in reader's memory as a mesmerizing woman, so the chosen title is not accurate to the fullest. What is good, however, is that word “beneath” is combined into the title and that “beneath” is shown throughout the story.

(7/10) Character: Usually, the number of characters you have is too big. But you managed to distribute the reasonable amount of your attention to each character. It is very clear which characters need more focus from the reader and which are just there to act as the missing pieces of the puzzle that are not that important. However, there are some issues with a few characters. First of all, I think you did not manage to portray Kwon Areum the way you intended. She is supposed to be a strong protagonist, who has a thick shield and does not like to express her soft side due to what has happened in the past. When Kim Jongin comes into the picture she gives in way too easily and that basically destroys her whole image and how you wanted to show her. Speaking of Kim Jongin, he seems very perplexed. At times the guy even behaves as if he is bipolar. One moment he pushed Areum to open up and then suddenly he says how he is going to wait for her to tell everything on her own. I think the biggest mistake you made with your characters was their age. I understand the need to have those super-genius young people, who have achieved so much even though they are hardly of legal age. In real life, when so much pressure is put on teenagers, they are most likely to have a nervous breakdown or even develop a mental illness rather than behave so calmly in a complicated situation. Making all the characters at least two or four years older would make the situation much better.

(9/10) Originality: I do not find the idea of cold-appearing CEOs loosing their masks and breaking down very original, but you had a lot of unique details of character traits and plot.

(27/40) Storyline/Plot: The good thing is that the reader is hooked from the first chapter. It is also appreciated how you focus on the protagonist's inner dialogue, explore her thoughts and feelings. The pace is alright, too. However, some events do not make sense. For example, it is unrealistic for Kim Jongin to say how he sees right through Kwon Areum already during their third encounter. Besides, she had not told anything about herself for her “barriers to crumble”. Also, Luhan calling Nana despite not knowing each other seems too out of blue. Then, everything with chapter 13 is wrong: Areum sleeping with Jongin in one bed, Jongin being half-, Areum walking into the bathroom casually and Jongin just bashing the door open as if he owns the place. What is more, in chapter 21 it is very awkward for the doctor to bring up the death of Areum's father. The story starts really nicely in the beginning but it gets confusing and messed up with every chapter.

(18/25) Grammar/Errors: One thing that I hate very much in fanfics about Koreans is how sometimes authors use Korean phrases that are unnecessary. In your situation, it is the term “sajangnim.” I mean, you really could just replace it with “director.” Also, there were some spelling mistakes. What is really disappointing, the grammar gets worse with every chapter. A thing that I actually liked was your vocabulary. It is quite rich.

(2/5) Overall Enjoyment:  Actually, I liked the story in the beginning, but I got bored from the 5th chapter. It just got monotonous and did not intrigue me.

(72/100) Points Total

Feel free to give any further questions.

Please don't forget to credit our shop's logo in your Foreword.