Aurealion: Curse of the Park Twins

Reviewer: dhaatk
Review for: TheSociableIntrovert

Requested on: 09/29/2014
Finished On: 10/01/2014

NOTE: 18 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title: The title is actually great, because it's original and fits only to this story. The “curse” itself looks like a cliché, but then simple word “twins” is enough to intrigue the reader and realize that it won't be a typical “curse” story. However, I'm not giving all points, because, personally, I wouldn't be too keen on opening the story if I simply stumbled upon it.

(8/10) Character: I think the most important characters to be distinguished from each other are twins and you are doing a good job at it so far. However, Sanghyun's character is a bit lacking, it's still not clear enough how he is and I think it should be clear after almost twenty chapters. On the other hand, Sandara is easily understood, but maybe you give too much attention to her. At times I wanted to know more about the situation from Sanghyun's point of view. What is more, I fell in love with the King. He seems very brave, wise and just a perfect king.

(10/10) Originality: I'm giving you all the points for originality, because I swear I've never read a story like this before. Of course, there are plenty of stories about people being cursed, but I've never heard of twins being cursed. Plus, the curse in your story is truly original. I mean, twins getting cursed, so they share one heart and die the moment the other falls in love with someone... how did you even come up with this brilliant idea?! That's beyond amazing, I'm telling you!

(34/40) Storyline/Plot: I'm stunned how you avoid not only , but literally any skinship, except for the encounter between the twins in third chapter. You play with plot quite nicely, there's no lack of action and you give enough attention to describe characters' feelings. However, there are some gaps with missing information. For example, when you wrote about that huge event at the palace, there were two interludes with some mysterious old man and his student (?) and I'd have liked to get more information about them, what is their goal and why they rushed to the palace, did they get there in time, if not, what did they whitness? Also, you could have given more details about that man Sandara met at the palace, when she ran after her new pet. I'm still wondering wether he's responsible for the attack in the palace, since Sandara wished to go outside and he kissed her forehead as in fullfilling the girl's dream. Also, I'd like to know more about the other guy Sandara met under the tree. What's his fate and what happened to him next? And finally, what did queen do in chapter eighteen? I thought she was with the twins, but she wasn't even mentioned. Aside from these things, everything else is pretty clear.

(24/25) Grammar/Errors: I didn't spot any grammar mistakes, maybe just spelling, like misplacing letters in the words but it's the beta's work to fix that. What caught my eye, however, was the misusage of “you're”. In chapter fourteenth, you used “you're” where it should have been “your” several times. That's why I'm taking out one point. By the way, I love your vocabulary, the  words and how you use them is perfect!

(5/5) Overall Enjoyment: Even though I withdrew some points from storyline and characters, I enjoyed the story. Some places weren't fully written, but it didn't disturb smooth reading.

(90/100) Points Total

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

“This is my very first time writing a fantasy themed story, so I am really anxious about the correlation and adequacy of the elements I included in this story”

I think there's no reason for you to feel anxious about your fantasy writing skills. Everything feels in its' rightful place. Maybe you should put more attention in elaborating landscapes and so on. But that's all.

Feel free to give any further questions.

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