STORY LINK

Reviewer: Amizupen
Review for: BanaInsMelody_eva

Requested on: June 8, 2015
Finished On: June 27, 2015

NOTE: 4 Chapters (Spoiler Alert)

Title (6/10):

The title is questionable. It’s not super attractive, but it has it’s charm. I inferred that within 24 hours the character have to accomplish something.

Character (3/10):

I apologize for being so harsh, but I hope I can help you in identifying the things you need to work on. Characters in the story is weak and flat. There are no development or any changes throughout the story which makes the character like L have no dimension. Characters’ emotions are way too flat. It seems like there are no in between. I can not imagine myself talking to Ah Ri, who only shows smile or weird face. Please don’t be discourage. You will improve every time you write. Try to pick out a thing that you want to work on. It’s not easy to turn an imagination into a story, but is not possible.

Originality (5/10):

I read a lot of story like this. The idea of letting the main lead to fall in love again and again is overused. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing, sometimes you can turn a cliche into originality. In fact, I had wrote an one shot with a similar concept.

Storyline/Plot (18/40):

There is a plot, but boring. The same thing happens over and over again. There are not a lot of excitement when I continue, because I knew L is going to back to that cafe and met Ah Ri again. Then they will fall in love with a in sentences. To make a story like that interesting, you have to add changes and progression to it. Making characters fall in love with in a day is possible, but it not easy to convince the readers. Why did he like her all of a sudden? Just because she is pretty?

“"N-n-nice to meet you too, Myungsoo," Ah Ri stuttered at the beginning as she was actually startrucked by L.

"Please, just call me L. It sounded better." L smiled. Ah Ri nodded and bowed again before giving his order in.

Ah Ri's heartbeat was palpitating inside her chest, hardly. 'L' that name rang across her mind. 'I think I've fallen in love,' both L and Ah Ri thought at the same time. “

Right after they introduce themselves, they fall in love. Sure! Love-at-first-sight can happen, but a real human will have doubts and uncertainties. A story plot can smooth that out. A great way to improve story plots is to read other people’s story. Anterograde Tomorrow, a fanfic with similar idea, is a great example to study from, but still remember to keep it original.

Grammar/Errors (15/25):

I saw a lot of mistakes, but is ok. Grammar are important, but they are not as important as a story’s plot, characterization and development. Try to be aware of grammar usage in the future when you are reading and writing. It really helps.

Overall Enjoyment (1/5):

I apologize once again. I didn’t enjoy the story, because of the reasons above. Don’t give up keep writing. These are all technique of writing. They can not compare with passion, creativity and persistence.

Bonus:

I apologize for any harsh criticism. Happy writing!

Points Total: (48/100)

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