Title: False Vows

Note: Spolier Alert

Story link

Requestor's Username: gaksitalGaksital

Reviewer's AFF Name: Amizupen

Date Received - Date Completed: May, 3, 2015-May, 4, 2015

Title (8/10):

The title wasn’t strong enough to engrave into my brain. I suggest using darker adjectives to describe “Vows”.

Character (8/10):

I love all the extended metaphors you used in the text! In fact, the whole ending is an extended metaphor. It brings me into the characters’ deepest mindset. Gold stars! You did a great job with Jongin’s characterization. He has a few flaws and, sometimes, makes reckless decisions. However, I want to point out that he is slightly unrealistic. A lot of fanfic authors are not willing to shatter the ideal of perfection. On the other hand, Yoomi’s character earned my sympathy. She had a reason to be forceful and mean, but her obsession with the socially structured Kai creeps me out (which makes me wonder aren’t we all doing the same now). I do suggest you add a little bit more depth into Yoomi’s character on the aspect of being a crazy fan or etc. It will be even more mind blow if I have related myself to her when she was first introduce to the story. My last question is who is Soobin? If she isn’t the speaker, you might want to reconsider her existence in the story. If she is, then you might want to drop some bread crumbs for the readers.  

Originality (10/10):

I never read any fanfics like this before, but I have been hoping to read it. Not sure if you intended this, but I am glad to said I was uncomfortable reading the interaction between Jongin and Yoomi. Discomfort is a strong feeling. However, it made a big impression on me.

Storyline/Plot (36/40):

The plot carried a meaningful message, and the plot follow is smooth. You emphasized the beginning and the ending, which are the most important part of a great story. The ending is great. I like the imperfection of the ending. Not everyone lives happily ever after, and in case, he didn’t even live. The reason from hitting the full point is the drive of the plot. Jongin’s decisions seem a bit unrealistic. He really own Yoomi nothing, and in reality, she probably means nothing to him too. His decision felt forced for the sake of the plot.

Grammar/Errors (25/25):

Nothing so far. A golden star!

Overall Enjoyment (5/5):

I enjoyed your story. The imagery and dictions are wonderfully thought out. I have learned so much from reading it. The fonts are comfortable and the layers are great visual.

Bonus:

Thank you.

I apologize for any harsh criticism. Happy writing.

Points Total: (92/100)