NOTE: (Spoiler Alert)

(9/10) Title:It fits the storyline and make sense. Although I think it can be a little bit more interesting.

(8/10) Character: I like how each character has his/her own background story and they are all brought together into this one house. However, I do feel like the characters needs a bit more unique personality. A personality that shows “ah that is something she would do. Totally.” I suggest using a character chart when writing so you would remind yourself “is this the thing a caring person would do?” “is this the thing a moody person would do?”

(10/10) Originality: Well done. It was very original to have a fanfic like this. You group these idols together and gave them unique personality and background.

(25/40) Storyline/Plot: There is not really a big problem that they are assign to fix or a huge secret to hide. In another word, the drive of the story is not found. I think a great story always have a drive that moves the plot and readers together. The story was losing me by chapter 5, because I suddenly thought “what are they are trying to do?” Now you did have a great thing going on with the relationship development. Some of the scenes are definitely funny. I would recommend you to plot out a simple storyline before writing. Elaborate more on different events. For example, the character’s facial expressions and on.

(10/25) Grammar/Errors: There are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. It was too much that distracted me when I was reading. Another thing is Krystal kept turning into Crystal, which is very inconsistent. Also the “,” of each chapters are misplaced. It should be (content),(space)(content), instead of (content)(space),(content). Lastly, I am not liking the romanization of the korean words, because I don’t get most of it.

(2/5) Overall Enjoyment: 

It was not a keep-me-on-the-edge-of-my-seat fanfic, but it has its own taste and beauty. I thought you did good on sketching out each character’s relationship, but it was not as exciting as I was hoping. There are lot of telling instead of showing.

(64/100) Points Total

Bonus: Sorry for the long wait. Please don’t take these opinion too into heart. ^ ^ They are all based on personal experience and taste. It’s all about creating the fantasy you want. Happy writing.

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