The Day Minseok Disappeared - KYX1994
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Kyx1994
request on: 05/07/17
REVIEWER: deedee_zelo90
finished on: 07/10/17
score: 91/100
Title: (9/10)
LOGICAL (2/3) - Title of the story is new and fresh, it sure is long and it fits story plot. but I feel like it reveals story's plot.
EYE-CATCHING (2/3) - Is your title eye catching? Somehow it is, but like I have already stated it revealed story's plot and if you want to attract your reader, you need to choose a title that tickles their interest.
original (4/4) - Title, however is original and it's not cliche nor is overused, so I am on this giving you thumbs up.
story's foreword/description (9/10)
story's summary (4/5) - Storry summar actually tickled my interest, it made me wonder what actually happened to Xiumin. But for some reason I don't understand the use of word nth but then i realized you shortened it from ninth. To be honest it made me confused and i wondered why you decide to use short version?
appearance (5/5) - Appearance of foreword/description is well organized, it is very neat.
characters/casts (9/10)
character development (4/5) - Let's talk about your chacaters a little.
Xiumin- My first thought about him was 'reckless'. No matter how much the argument was heated you never would run away like that. You should always been able to talk things out wth your partner.IT's never good when you run away from your problems like that. However, you haven't really described him much so I have to say that is 'okay'.
Luhan - He has a kinda cliche personality, we all have read dozens of fan fictions where main character is 'Married with his job' and only cares about his carrer. I feel like his character isn't very unique. There wasn't times when I could say something bad about him. His personality doesn't stand out very much so to speak. So try and work on that in the future.
You did however good in this section but you can do so much better!
character's relations (5/5) - Through flashback, we can get a glimpse of Luhan and Xiumin's relationship. To me it was very realsitic however, becareful when doing flashbacks.
the author's mindset (35/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - despite all, your story does consists angst and mystery.
ORIGINALITY (8/10) - The story plot however is cliche, I have seen way more stories with the almost same plotline. But you tried also to add something new.
TONE (4/5) - the tone you used was nice however at times very confusing.
NARRATION (4/5) - You used Third person pov, you narrated it very well, but there were times, like I previously, where i got confused it was the part where you started flashback.
STORYLINE (9/10) - like I said already in second section. the storyline is pretty much overused and cliche. the flow at times was good but i think it could be better.
proper use of the english language (24/25)
proper grammar/punctuation (9/10) - Well, from your grammar usage I can see that english isn't your langiage but you tried hard. I know I am not supposed to tell you because englsh is not my first language but in order to attract your readers try to read new chapter and fix errors on your own. In this section you did fairly good.
termonology (5/5) - Your terminology is very good considering the fact that english isn't your mother language so you really have surprised me.
language barrier (10/10) - While reading your story, I haven't gathered any of korean's words.
Reviewer's enjoyment (5/5)
I am very sorry you had to wait for this long, In meantime I got sick so yeah :-/
on other hand, i enjoyed your one shot, i am very pleased you wrote my favorite OTP, i love seeing stories with pairing you use. I really hope i haven't discouraged you with my review, I tried really to point out things you should change so that you can do better next time.
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