NOTE: Six Chapters (Spoiler alert)

(5/10) Title: The title isn't intriguing or rare, it's very common and just by doing a quick search on AFF there are about 24k results related to it. I suggest changing it, it's a suggestion so if you like it and want to keep it then it's completely up to you, but with your creative mind I'm sure you can come up with a even more unique title. I didn't see how the title relates to the plot of the story, unless it's yet to be reveal, but I can't say I can pinpoint its exact purpose. 

(4/10) Character: Please don't be discouraged by the score I gave you because I will try to explain it thoroughly (and this is just my honest opinion because I want to help you improve). First off, you didn't lose all points because I believe Hana's character developed a little throughout the whole story. 

Hana annoyed me as she arrived at Baekhyun's workplace. Her way of thinking and behaviour sort of annoyed me. How old is she that she is questioning the importance of setting up an appointment ahead of time? It's the person at the desk's responsibility to question why a person wanted to meet her boss, but why did Hana appeared annoyed? No offense but the story was a turn off because I had high expectation of her as a good lead character. The main character (especially when written in her point of view, you have to make sure her way of thinking doesn't annoy your readers) is the driver to your story, and when you have unlikable lead, it kills the story. But when she got married to Hana, she seems more considerate of him and appeared friendlier. 

I cannot connect to Baekhyun at all. He's a hard character to read, I don't understand most of his logic. In fact it was difficult to understand every character's logic and reasons. (I'll explain in detail under storyline). 

The side characters, Kyungsoo, Minah, Daehyun, and Taehyung were so random. Since they were friends of Baekhyun they only appeared after his POV. I wish that wasn't the case, Kyungsoo seemed to be Baekhyun's closest friend, but he doesn't appear until Baekhyun met up with him.

Although I'm familiar with the idols you included, I wished you would have added more information because not everyone will know the personality behind the idols you've chosen. Who knows, maybe you added more personality to them or take out a habit of theirs in real life, we as readers don't know. Also, is this when Daehyun still has black hair or blond hair? Does Taehyung (V right?) has black hair, pink hair, another hair color you've chosen for him? There wasn't any description of any characters at all, not even the leads. The only image I have to rely on was them on the cover. 

You mentioned Chanyeol being her best friend near the beginning, but through hard times he never appeared to help comfort her or anything. He didn't really exist at all. Not just Chanyeol is my bias or anything, but since he is the lead's friend, I thought he would come up some time soon and help her. Honestly, through their four months together of marriage, just a scene of her contacting Chanyeol will really help the story. I mean it's been four months and that's a long time for them to do completely nothing. (Details will be included under storyline).

(6/10) Originality: Since the story moved quite fast I can't say I felt the emotions or pain the character were going through. But the idea of an arranged marriage is quite common. Maybe it's just me but the exact location of this story was in Seoul, S. Korea correct? However sometimes I feel the story jumps from Korea to some other place outside of Korea. 

(20/40) Storyline/Plot: The beginning was great; however, as mentioned under character, Hana did in one way or another ruined the start of the story for me. But don't worry, she's not the first lead female that annoys me, I've seen worst. Although it is another arranged marriage story, I expected a great twist. I never mark people down for a common storyline or "genre" (arranged marriage) because I believe it's not the idea of the genre that makes a story, it's the characters. The reason why they were forced into an arranged marriage was never revealed. There are many reasons as to why one's forced into an unwanted marriage, but all that was mention was that it was Hana's parents' decisions. But why? Through business matters? Personal matters? Why? And I believe they were still in High School as well but there was no mention of their schooling or education, except for the fact that Baekhyun studied overboard for two years. 

But why France? Because of fashion? But why fashions in France? Were they planning to learn from French fashionists and adopt the idea into S. Korea's fashion culture? 

The storyline was confused as I felt it moved too fast. Hana went from wanting to punch Baekhyun to suddenly falling for him. And what bothers me was that she's dying to be happy with Baekhyun when she was never closed to him from the get-go.

However I loved how your story can be different from other arranged marriages because although it was a forced marriage, Hana knew her place and especially her obsession over fairytales. To feel like a princess, to pretend her life is a fairytale, and to cope with it even when it wasn't perfect. 

A great twist to this was Baekhyun was caught cheating by Hana. And that he had a legit reason to do it, however it was a selfish decision when he claimed to have liked Hana from her first appearance. But the fact that Baekhyun still holds onto his ex Minah did drag the story. And then when Minah and Daehyun admit to following by his father's orders, it was like "what the heck?" Why? Because Minah seemed smart for some reason (or a stalker), she somehow knew that Baekhyun slept with another woman for months beside Hana. Was someone telling her this? She seemed like a smart person yet she can't even find a better way to leave Baekhyun without getting attention. 

The pace of the story was slow and it's going in circles since the characters can't seem to deal with their feelings. 

(15/25) Grammar/Errors: There are a lot of grammar errors and misused words. Past and present tense were mixed throughout the whole story and it made it difficult to read. I tried to fix as many errors as I could, but I can't fix or point out all of the errors because I'm a reviewer after all, and that's a job for a beta-reader. However, I hope my suggestions will help you. From what I saw you didn't spell any words incorrectly either, it was just the past tense diction mixed with the present. 

Numbers below 10 should be written out. Baekhyun and Hana are considered cousins, not uncles and aunts. If Baekhyun's uncles and/or aunts have children then their children will be Baekhyun's cousins. If say we're talking about Baekhyun's siblings and they have children, then those will be his nephew and/or nieces. 

Original: “Nana?” He called my name. My nickname. He’s the only one who called me with that name. My heart beat faster every time he called me. His voice is so precious to me.

Suggestion: “Nana?” He called my name. My nickname. He’s the only one who called me by that name. My heart beats faster every time he called me. His voice is so precious to me.
(Here you four lines all stating the same thing "her nickname" yet it's spread out into four sentences. Keep it clean and precise using only one or two sentences to explain it.)

Original: “Yaa! Kkamjong!” I whined and he just smiled. Oh! God, I don’t want this night to end soon.

Suggestion: “Yaa! Kkamjong!” I whined and he just smiled. Oh God, I don’t want this night to end soon.
(The exclamation mark wasn't necessary, it's choppy with it.)

Original: “I’m going to miss all the moments we had together.” His voice turning low. It’s hurt saying like this, bidding goodbye to each other. If only I could stop the time.

Suggestion: “I’m going to miss all the moments we had together.” His voice turned low. It hurts saying it like this; bidding goodbye to each other. If only I could stop time.
(Turned* since it's been past tense till now. It's is short for "it is" so you wouldn't want to say "it is hurt" unless you meant to say "it is hurting" then it's is fine.)

Original: “Hey! Didn’t I said to you before, there’s no need to apologise.” He said, reminding me his words before. “And, it’s your parents’ decision. They know what the best is for us. Maybe I’m not the one who can be your groom. He’s –” He paused for a while before he continued. “– He’s so lucky to have you.”

Suggestion: “Hey! Didn’t I said to you before, there’s no need to apologise.” He reminded, “And, it’s your parents’ decision. They know what's best for us. Maybe I’m not the one who can be your groom. He’s –” He paused for a while before he continued. “– He’s so lucky to have you.”
(Reminding is already an action used for something that had already occurred or happened 'before'.)

Original: He is Baekhyun, Byun Baekhyun. Born on 6 May, 1992. We born on the same year and I’m just two days younger than him. After his middle school in Seoul, he went to French to continue his study in fashion there. Too early? Scratched that, I don’t even care as long as he can give me happiness. Will he?

Suggestion: He is Baekhyun, Byun Baekhyun. Born on the sixth of May in the year of 1992. We're born on the same year, yet I’m two days younger. After his middle school in Seoul, he went to France to continue his study in fashion there. Too early? Scratched that, I don’t even care as long as he can give me happiness. Will he?
(Saying 6 May, 1992 is awkward if you're explaining it. It will be alright if the character read it from a file or some sort; however, this wasn't the case. We already know she's talking about him, so again to keep it short, 'than him' isn't necessary. France is the country, location he went to, French are the language and/or people from France.) 

Original: Again, that question attack me. Will our relationship be this perfect? As beautiful as all the things that lie on my eyes right now?

Suggestion: Again, that question attacked me. Will our relationship be this perfect? As beautiful as the items/objects that are lying before my eyes?
(Since it's past tense again and the term 'Again' was mentioned, attack should be past tense. The last sentence just needed rewording and 'things' isn't a very likable word when it comes to descriping what the characters are seeing exactly.)

Original: “May I know, where’s Mr. Byun Baekhyun’s office is?” I asked.

Suggestion: “May I know where is Mr. Byun Baekhyun’s office?” I asked.

or..........

"May I know where Mr. Byun Baekhyun's office is?" I asked. 

(Coma is used to take a break or breathe when reading or talking, so it wasn't needed. There are to way to write this as long as it only has one 'is'.)

Original: “Do I have to go through appointment? Because I don’t have any appointment with him, I guess it shouldn’t be call as appointment for this situation.” I said calmly.

Suggestion: “Do I have to go through an appointment? Because I don’t have any appointment with him, I guess an appointment isn't necessary/required for our situation.” I said calmly.
(An appointment* Because she's asking to undergo her first appointment with Baekhyun. The last sentence was tricky so I changed it a little since it needed rewording somehow.)

Original: She was a bit blurred for a moment before she’s back to reality. “Okay. Well, who are you actually, Miss?”

Suggestion: She was a bit blurred for a moment before coming back to reality. “Okay. Well, who are you exactly, Miss?”
(I marked 'she's' purple because I think it would sound better if it wasn't repeated, but it's completely up to you whether to keep it or not. I notice this happens often but 'actually' are meant as 'exactly' due to the reading.)

Original: “I said go away! Go away!” He yelled with his back facing to me.

Suggestion: “I said go away! Go away!” He yelled with his back [faced] to me.
('facing to me' sounds a bit awkward. faced is in brackets because I thought if you wanted to add the term face, that's the best way to do it. Using the term "faced".)

Original: Are my voice to low or he is deaf?

Suggestion: Was my voice to soft or is he deaf? 
(Are = plural -majority of the time- so it didn't sound right here. Low should be soft rather than low since low is more like measurement.)

Original: “We are going to be married by next month. You know that, aren’t you?”

Suggestion: “We are getting marry next month. You know that, don’t you?”
(Going to be married sounded demanding.)

Original: Actually, did he accept this marriage because he wants too or it was just to satisfy his parents like how I am right now?

Suggestion: Did he accept this marriage because he wanted to or was it, like me, to satisfy his parents?
(I reworded it a little and cut off some fluff.)

Original: As we arrived on our first destination, I felt my heart bleeding. We walked inside the boutique and there was one wedding dress attracted my attention to it. I walked closer and looked at it. I sighed. It reminds me of last time. The day I went here with someone else. Someone that I promised to be together until my last breath. That someone that I still can’t put him away, out from my mind. I can’t. I miss him.

Suggestion: As we arrived on our first destination, inside the boutique, there was one particular wedding dress that attracted my attention. I walked closer and took a looked at it. I sighed since it reminded me of the past. The day I came here with someone else; someone that I promised to be together with until my last breath. That someone that I still can’t put away and out of my mind. I can’t because I miss him.
(I made a few changes because the sentence of feeling her heart bleed was out of place and awkwardly included.)

Original: I sighed. “You said before you are going to pay. Furthermore, you are okay with everything just like you said at the office.” I teased. “You’ve choose a dress for me, why don’t I choose our ring?” I pouted.

Suggestion: I sighed. “You said before you are going to pay. Furthermore, you are okay with everything just like you said at the office.” I teased. “Since you’ve chosen the dress for me, why don’t I choose our ring?” I pouted.

Original: It seems that time flying fast right now and here we are, my big day! I’m a bit nervous and sometimes my tears fall down as the stylist doing the makeup. I can’t bear the pain right now even I’m trying to accept the truth. Baekhyun did try to steal my heart, and I hope he will take a good care of it. I hope.

Suggestion: It seems that time flew by quickly as we approached my big day! I’m a bit nervous and sometimes tears would fall down my face, as the stylist do my makeup. I can’t bear the pain right now, even when I’m trying to accept the truth. Baekhyun stole my heart and I only hope he will take good care of it. I hope.
(This was a messy paragraph. So I reworded most of the sentences.)

Original: I looked at her and she gave me assuring smile. I heaved a long sigh and smiled. “I’m so nervous, mom.”

Suggestion: I looked at her and she gave me an assuring smile. I heaved a long sigh and smiled. “I’m so nervous mom.”

Original: Along the way to the church until the ceremony start, my heart can’t stop from beating a hundred times faster. As my father walked me down the aisle to the altar, I saw Baekhyun standing in front with his white suit. He was looking at me with a warm smile that makes me feel so comfortable.

Suggestion: Along the way to the church before the ceremony starts, my heart beated a hundred times faster. As my father walked me down the aisle to the altar, I saw Baekhyun standing in front with his white suit. He was looking at me with a warm smile that makes me feel so comfortable.

Original: I left a small giggled and shook my head. “Come, let me show you…our room.” I barely able to say ‘our’ because the room before was just mine and now I’m sharing it with my husband. It feels awkward to call him as my husband. Aren’t we too young to be married?

Suggestion: I  giggled and shook my head. “Come, let me show you…our room.” I could barely say ‘our’ because the room before was just mine, and now I’m sharing it with my husband. It feels awkward to call him as my husband. Aren’t we too young to be married?

Original: That night, the dinner was different than before as the Jung’s welcoming a new member in their family. Baekhyun was a bit awkward but he managed to handle his pride. Every word he spoke managed to make me giggled a bit. Even the feeling as I sat next to him, it was different when I sat with my other friends especially the guy. Maybe because he took the title as a ‘husband’ to me.

Suggestion: That night, dinner was different than before as the my family welcomed our new family member. Baekhyun was a bit awkward, but he managed to handle his pride. Every word he spoke managed to make me giggled a bit. Even the feeling as I sat next to him, it was different when I sat with my other friends especially the guys. Maybe because he took the title as a ‘husband’ to me.
(Tricky paragraph. You went from explaining the story from a third person to Hana's halfway through the paragraph. Stick with one, since it's been Hana's POV, use it til the end.) 

Original: “A compliment of course but really, you looks younger.” I commented and gave him a warm smile.

Suggestion: “A compliment of course but really, you look younger.” I commented and gave him a warm smile.

Original: He wouldn’t touch me, he promise me he wouldn’t touch me. But he touched other girl or should I say, ? Was I wrong before for asking that stupid favour? Was he that hungry to have a ? But why he – can’t he just tell me what he wants? Who am I? A talking doll?

Suggestion: He wouldn’t touch me, he promised he wouldn’t. But he touched another girl or should I say ? Was I wrong before for asking for such a stupid favour? Was he that hungry to have ? But why he – can’t he just tell me what he wants? Who am I? A talking doll?

Original: That night, I guess it has been 4 months after our marriage. I was lying on my bed after I ate my dinner. Well, I’ve used to have dinner alone since Baekhyun sometimes went home late. Sometimes I wonder if his parents know about this actually. I rose up and looked upon the picture on my side table. Our wedding picture that sometime would hurt my heart upon seeing it. I miss those moments we have together before we get married. I sighed and took my phone. I felt so lonely and I wanted to call someone. I scrolled down the contact list and stopped by his name, my first love. I had tried to get rid of him from my mind but the fact of my life right now, I suddenly remembered about his words last time.

Suggestion: That night, I guess it has been four months after our marriage. I was lying on my bed after I ate my dinner. Well, I was used to having dinner alone since Baekhyun would come home late from time to time. Sometimes I wonder if his parents even know about this. I rosed up and looked upon the picture on my side table. Our wedding picture that sometimes hurt my heart upon seeing it. I miss those moments we have together before we got married. I sighed and took my phone. I felt so lonely and I wanted to call someone. I scrolled down the contact list and stopped by his name, my first love. I had tried to get rid of him from my mind, but my situation right now reminded me his last words last time.

Original: “Hana! Hana! Where are you?!” His voice was a bit cracked and I guess he was drunk. That’s him, when there’s no s, he will go to the bar for drink.

Suggestion: “Hana! Hana! Where are you?!” His voice was a bit cracked and I guess he was drunk. That’s him, when there are no s, he will go to the bar for a drink.

Original: The elder looked at the woman who keeps on hugging me and shook her head. “I guess Baekhyun is the father while you are his daughter right now.” I chuckled and shook my head too. Then, my mother pulled her arms and caressed my cheeks. Her sweet smile that always come up to my mind whenever I feel down, the smile she was giving to me right now, I wonder if that is one of the reason my father falling in love with my mother long time ago.

Suggestion: The elder looked at the woman who kept hugging me and shook her head. “I guess Baekhyun is the father while you're his daughter right now.” I chuckled and shook my head too. Then my mother pulled her arms and caressed my cheeks. Her sweet smile that always come up to my mind whenever I feel down, the smile she was giving to me right now, I wonder if it was one of the reasons why my father fell in love with my mother a long time ago.

Original: I felt worried and curious about her since I don’t have any news about her. Well my parents still don’t know her so I guess I can’t ask them. Maybe I should try to call her again later or just go to the place we used to hang out before. Where? The club.

Suggestion: I was worried and curious about her since I haven't heard any news about her. Well my parents doesn’t know her so I guess I can’t ask them. Maybe I should try to call her again later or go to the place we used to hang out before. The club.

Original: That feeling control me up when every night I brought some girls from the club and huntedthem. I can’t resist the pleasure and Hana didn’t do anything but keeps on running away from me. I know I was wrong but for real, I can’t hold that feeling inside me, I can’t stop even I tried. I went home drunk and sometime I brought the girls but when I woke up the next morning, guilty killed me. There was once I’ve thought that maybe I’ll just do it with her but her favour keeps on lingering in my thought.

Suggestion: That feeling controlled me every night I brought girls from the club and hunted them. I can’t resist the pleasure and Hana didn’t do anything but kept on running away from me. I know I was wrong but seriously, I can’t hold this feeling inside me, I can’t stop even when I tried. I went home drunk and sometimes bring the girls with me. But when I'm awaken the next morning, guilty would kill me. There was once I’ve thought that maybe I’ll just do it with her but her favour keeps on lingering in my thought.

Original: “Who? Hana? No, she wasn’t. It’s you, Baek. You cheated on her. Are you telling me about Minah? Stop thinking about her, Baekhyun. Please stop. Minah is nothing to be compared with Hana. Hana is your wife now. No wonder Uncle called me to help him about you. He gave me permission to punch you if you are still like this but I’m being good here Baek. Talk to Hana and settle things up. I’m going to send you home.” He dragged me outside and drove me home.

Suggestion: “Who? Hana? No she isn’t. It’s you, Baek. You cheated on her. Are you telling me about Minah? Stop thinking about her, Baekhyun. Please stop. Minah is nothing compared to Hana; she is your wife now. No wonder Uncle called me for help. He gave me permission to punch you if you continue to act like this, but I’m being good here Baek. Talk to Hana and settle things up. I’m going to send you home.” He dragged me outside and drove me home.

Original:  Hana was back facing him and he can sense that the girl wasn’t having enough sleep too. 

Suggestion:  Hana's back was facing him. He could sense that the girl didn't get enough sleep either.

Original: He must be having not enough sleep last night.

She must be crying all night long.

Suggestion: He must be slacking sleep last night too.

She must have been crying all night.

Original: “Mummy, how are you right there? Does everything alright? Are you… happy there?” She lowered her head and a tear escaped from her eye. “It’s my birthday today mummy and all I can wish for now is having you by my side. I’m hurt right now that urge me to suicide but I don’t have any guts to do so. Why it has to be me, mummy? I shouldn’t have born to meet the world or even to meet that jerk. If I wasn’t here right now in this world, I bet you are still living happily with daddy. I know that I was the reason for your death.”

Suggestion: “Mummy, how are you? Is everything alright? Are you… happy there?” She lowered her head and a tear escaped from her eyes. “It’s my birthday today mummy and all I could wish for is having you by my side. I’m hurt right now, that it urges me to suicide, but I don’t have any guts to do so. Why does it have to be me, mummy? I shouldn’t have born to meet the world or even to meet that jerk. If I wasn’t here right now in this world, I bet you would be living happily with daddy. I know that I was the reason for your death.”

Original: “Hana, it’s your life and you should know what the best for you. Think about your future later on. Do you still want this life continue on? You know, I hate to see you being hurt till like this. I hurt too because you are like… a little sister to me. Think about it and do something. I want to see your smile again. I miss that heart-warming smile of yours.”

Suggestion: “Hana, it’s your life and you should know what's best for you. Think about your future later on. Do you still want this life to continue? You know, I hate to see you hurt like this. I'm hurt too because you are like… a little sister to me. Think about it and do something. I want to see your smile again. I miss that heart-warming smile of yours.”

Original: They started to eat and there was no conversation since they were hungry; didn’t have any breakfast and now they were eating at 2 o’ clock. Sometimes they would steal a glance at each other and a smile formed on their lips. After eating, Hana took their dishes and washed them. While she was washing at the sink, she felt a warm hand wrapped her waist from the back and as she craned her neck to the right, Baekhyun quickly pecked her lips.

Suggestion: They ate in silence  since they are hungry by skipping breaking and just eating now, at 2 o'clock. Sometimes they would steal a glance at each other and a smile would form on their lips. After eating, Hana took their dishes and washed them. While washing them at the sink, she felt a warm hand wrapped her waist from behind and as she craned her neck to the right, Baekhyun quickly pecked her lips.

(2/5) Overall Enjoyment: I would have enjoyed the story some more if everything was more explained and extended out. I upvoted because I want you to know it is a story with potential and I know it'll end nicely. So please don't be discourage by my grading~ Even professional writers has flaws and have many people review their work for them so please keep that in mind~

(42/100) Points Total (Points does not make your story, they make perspective!)

Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:

Since English is not my mother language, I guess my grammar, vocabulary, and spelling might have some mistakes. Plus, the way I use the tenses might spoil the story too:

This may come off as harsh but it's how I really feel. I feel like the story was not well thought out or explained, it could be because English isn't your first language but it doesn't take fluent English to write a good story. I believe you need to start anew, right from the beginning and insert further details and explanations. I hate reading stories that creates more questions than answers and this story did just that. Especially when I can't comprehend the character's logic. Or have a very good beta-reader go through your story and help you shift things around while you include more scenes. 

I can't tell who's connected to who, Haru's biological and foster parents confused me. If I could, I would ask for a family tree of all characters in the story. 

Sorry I took sooooo long, I planned to have it done earlier but the correcting took me a while~ I hope you won't take my review as any sort of intention to bash both you and your story. You put in the effort and I could tell despite your busy schedule, but that applies to anyone and everyone. I'm glad I got to review your story after coming across of your request~

Thank you for choosing BLK Reviews and for your patience! Hope to hear from you again!

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