Insecurities - thereforyou
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REQUEST ON: 12/1/15
REVIEWER: BLACKROSESTEARS
FINISHED ON: 1/03/15
SCORE: 92/100
TITLE: (6/10)
LOGICAL (3/3) - THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY YOU CAN SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TITLE AND THE PLOT SO IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE THAT YOU CHOSE THIS TITLE.
EYE-CATCHING (1/3) - THOUGH I CAN SEE WHY YOU CHOSE THIS TITLE FOR YOUR STORY IT WAS NOT REALLY EYE-CATCHING FOR ME BECAUSE THE TITLE ITSELF DOESN'T REALLY STAND OUT.
ORIGINAL (2/4) - THERE ARE MANY OTHER STORIES WITH THIS TITLE OR A VARIATION OF YOUR TITLE WHICH IS ALSO THE REASON WHY IT WAS NOT REALLY EYE-CATCHING FOR ME AT ALL. THERE IS NOT REALLY SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THE TITLE.
STORY'S FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION (10/10)
STORY'S SUMMARY (5/5) - AFTER READING YOUR FOREWORD WITH THE SUMMARY OF THE STORY I WAS REALLY CURIOUS ABOUT THE ACTUAL STORY BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY APPEALING TO ME. THERE WERE THE OPINIONS OF TWO PEOPLE ABOUT ONE PERSON WHICH SHOWS REALLY GOOD HOW YOU CAN BE SEEN REALLY DIFFERENT FROM HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF.
THEN THE LITTLE PART OF THE STORY WAS ALSO REALLY INTERESTING TO READ THAT SHOWED A BIT OF WHAT WE CAN EXPECT OF THE STORY.
APPEARANCE (5/5) - OVERALL IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD TOO. IT IS ORGANIZED AND NEAT SO YOU CAN READ THROUGH IT WITHOUT GETTING ANY CONFUSION.
CHARACTERS/CASTS (9/10)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT (4/5) - YOU DESCRIBE CLEARLY HOW THE CHARACTERS CHANGE THROUGH THE STORY ALREADY.
THERE ARE TIME JUMPS IN EACH CHAPTER WHERE WE CAN READ IT LIKE EMELYN IS AN INSECURE PERSON WITH SERIOUS PROBLEMS ABOUT HERSELF THAT CAN'T BE SOLVED WITHOUT HELP. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT OTHERS TO HELP HER, SHE BARES THE PAIN ALONE THOUGH SHE SPEAKS WITH SEHUN ABOUT IT. NOW COMES SOMETHING THAT WAS CONFUSING ME: YOU WROTE THAT SHE GOT DEPRESSED AND THAT SHE GOT BY HER FATHER BUT SHE HAS A RATHER GOOD RELATION TO HER DAD SO IT WAS A BIT CONFUSING. DID I MISUNDERSTOOD SOMETHING HERE?
FOR SEHUN, HE ALSO CHANGES BECAUSE AT FIRST WE CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW HE REALLY CARED FOR EMELYN AT FIRST AND WAS ALWAYS THERE LISTENING TO HER BUT AT A POINT HE STOPPED THIS AND RETREATED. HE STOPPED BEING HER FRIEND WHEN SHE ACTUALLY NEEDS FRIENDS. HE STILL CARES FOR HER BUT STOPPED SHOWING IT SO HE IS REALLY DOWN AFTER EMELYN MOVED AWAY.
THERE ARE TIME JUMPS IN EACH CHAPTER WHERE WE CAN READ IT LIKE EMELYN IS AN INSECURE PERSON WITH SERIOUS PROBLEMS ABOUT HERSELF THAT CAN'T BE SOLVED WITHOUT HELP. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT OTHERS TO HELP HER, SHE BARES THE PAIN ALONE THOUGH SHE SPEAKS WITH SEHUN ABOUT IT. NOW COMES SOMETHING THAT WAS CONFUSING ME: YOU WROTE THAT SHE GOT DEPRESSED AND THAT SHE GOT BY HER FATHER BUT SHE HAS A RATHER GOOD RELATION TO HER DAD SO IT WAS A BIT CONFUSING. DID I MISUNDERSTOOD SOMETHING HERE?
FOR SEHUN, HE ALSO CHANGES BECAUSE AT FIRST WE CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW HE REALLY CARED FOR EMELYN AT FIRST AND WAS ALWAYS THERE LISTENING TO HER BUT AT A POINT HE STOPPED THIS AND RETREATED. HE STOPPED BEING HER FRIEND WHEN SHE ACTUALLY NEEDS FRIENDS. HE STILL CARES FOR HER BUT STOPPED SHOWING IT SO HE IS REALLY DOWN AFTER EMELYN MOVED AWAY.
CHARACTER'S RELATIONS (5/5) - THE RELATIONS OF YOUR CHARACTERS AND HOW THEY ACTED WERE REALLY REALISTIC FOR ME. IT FELT LIKE EMELYN IS A CHARACTER THAT COULD ACTUALLY EXIST IN PEOPLE WHO SHARE THESE KIND OF PROBLEMS WITH HER WHILE SEHUN CAN BE THE FRIENDS OR THE FAMILY THAT ARE A BIT OVERSTRAINED WITH EMELYN AND THE FACT THAT SHE HAS SOME PROBLEMS SHE CAN'T SOLVE EASILY.
THE AUTHOR'S MINDSET (39/40)
LOGICALLY (10/10) - THE PLOT MAKES TOTALLY SENSE AND I THINK THAT MANY PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY RELATE TO THIS OR UNDERSTAND PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING THE SAME PROBLEMS AS EMELYN.
ORIGINALITY (10/10) - THERE MAY BE OTHER STORIES THAT DEAL WITH THE SAME PROBLEM, HAVE THE SAME IDEA BEHIND IT BUT STILL IT DOESN'T TAKE AWAY THE ORIGINALITY IN YOUR STORY AT ALL.
TONE (5/5) - IT IS A REALLY DARK VIBE BECAUSE OF ALL THE NEGATIVE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO EMELYN AND HOW SHE GOT PLAYED BY TAEHYUNG BUT IT FITS THE SITUATIONS AND DOESN'T RUIN THE MOOD OF THE STORY.
THOUGH WHEN IN THE LATER CHAPTER EMELYN SAYS SHE STARTS TO FEEL HAPPY, LEARNS WHAT HAPPINESS IS, THERE IS STILL THIS VIBE THAT SHOWS THAT SHE STILL IS NOT FULLY RECOVERED AND THAT THERE WILL BE HARD TIMES IN THE FUTURE.
NARRATION (4/5) - OKAY, I LIKE HOW YOU HAVE THE DIFFERENT POVS IN THE TIMES TO SHOW US EMELYNS POINT OF VIEW BUT ALSO HOW SEHUN SEES THE THINGS AND HOW HE FEELS BUT SOMETIMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE IN THE FUTURE PASSAGES, IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHETHER THE NARRATOR AT THIS POINT IS A GIRL OR A BOY WHICH CAN BE REALLY CONFUSING. IT WOULD BE GOOD TO CHANGE IT A BIT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT NAMES INTO IT, JUST SOMETHING THAT SHOWS CLEARLY WHAT GENDER THE PERSON HAS.
STORYLINE (10/10) - I WAS ALWAYS A ER FOR THESE KIND OF STORIES BECAUSE I CAN RELATE TO THEM AND UNDERSTAND THE CHARACTERS SO THIS STORY WAS NOT AN EXCEPTION.
THE START OF THE STORY IS REALLY INTERESTING AND YOU DESCRIPTIONS IN THE STORY MAKE IT EVEN EASIER FOR PEOPLE WHO READ THE STORY TO RELATE TO IT.
WE GET TO KNOW MANY THINGS ABOUT EMELYNS PAST IN SHORT SNIPPETS THAT AT FIRST I THOUGHT WOULD BE HARD TO FOLLOW BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY NOT SO YOU DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB THERE.
WE ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING NEW THAT HELPS US TO UNDERSTAND EMELYN MORE LIKE SHE ACTUALLY SEEMS TO BE REALLY PRETTY AND SEHUN IS A GOOD FRIEND OF HER THAT REALLY CARES FOR HER AND LIKES HER MORE THAN JUST AS FRIENDS. HE ALWAYS TRIED TO PROTECT HER BUT WAS NOT ABLE WHEN SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH TAEHYUNG WHO BROKE HER HEART. IT GOT EVEN HARDER FOR HER WHEN SEHUN STARTED TO LEAVE HER UNTIL THEIR FRIENDSHIP BROKE. EVERYTHING TURNS WORSE TO THE POINT EMELYN WANTS TO COMMIT SUICIDE BUT HER DAD IS ABLE TO SAVE HER. SHE GETS TO SEE DOCTORS AND THEY HELP HER TO BECOME BETTER, AT LEAST IT SEEMS TO BE THAT CASE SO FAR. SHE MOVES AWAY WITH HER FATHER WITHOUT TELLING SEHUN WHO NOW SUFFERS BECAUSE HE LOST HIS FRIEND AND LOVE.
EMELYN STARTS TO SAY SHE IS HAPPY BUT IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T FEEL LIKE SHE REALLY IS. IT MADE ME REALLY CURIOUS ABOUT THE FUTURE CHAPTERS OF THE STORY AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YUGYEOM DIDN'T APPEAR SO FAR SO YOU REALLY ARE ABLE TO CATCH THE INTEREST WITH YOUR STORY AND YOUR WRITING STYLE.
PROPER USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE (23/25)
PROPER GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION (8/10) - THERE WERE NO MAJOR MISTAKES THAT WOULD BOTHER YOU WHILE READING THE STORY BUT I STILL WANT TO POINT OUT TWO MISTAKES:
EMELYN WOULD BE HERS [HIS] FOREVER.
HIS HANDS WAS [WERE] IN HIS POCKETS.
TERMINOLOGY (5/5) - YOUR VOCABULARY IS REALLY GOOD, THERE IS NO OVERUSE OF ANY WORDS OR PHRASES.
LANGUAGE BARRIER (10/10) - ALSO NO OVERUSE OF THE KOREAN LANGUAGE IN THE STORY.
REVIEWER'S ENJOYMENT (5/5)
OVERALL I REALLY ENJOYED READING YOUR STORY BECAUSE IT IS REALLY WELL WRITTEN AND I WAS ABLE TO BUILD A CONNECTION TO IT.
SO I HOPE THIS REVIEW CAN BE HELPFUL FOR YOU AND I AM REALLY SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REVIEW IT.
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