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Author: velvetmajesty

Pairing: Kaisoo, Sekai
Reviewed By: kpoperrose

Requested Date: 12/23/15

Review Completion: 01/02/16
Story Link: Link
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Title: 10/10

Logical: 2/3

The title signified the time when Kai and Kyungsoo were happy together, which was a long time ago. Unfortunately, I had to read the foreword to understand how the title tied in with the story.

Eye-catching: 1/3

This may be an eye-catching title for some but for me, I though of a pretty cliche story so it wasn't that eye-catching for me.

Original: 4/4
I haven't encountered a fic with the same tite.

Description/Foreword: 7/10

Summary: 2/5

It was intriguing summary, however, the summary was a little confusing and this might cause potential readers to not read the story. The summary was also grammatically incorrect.

Appearance: 5/5

Everything was arranged neatly so no problem here.

Character Development/Showcasing: 4/10

Development: 2/5

The characters were developed but not showcased well. 

Kai is an easy going guy who easily adjusts with the simple, peasant life.  He and his mother are the only people left in his family. He also harbors an interest for photography and wants to go to medical school.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, is a clean freak who is uptight but unsurprisingly efficient. He is an heir of a big company and has uncaring parents who only care about the development of their business.

The reason why I thought that the characters weren't showcased well was that Kai showed absolutely no interest in medical school and suddenly wants to major in medical school.

Relation/Cast: 2/5

The relationships between the characters are good but they weren't planned throroughly.

Kai and Kyungsoo are the epitome of 'opposites attract'. They started off as partners for their practicum and eventually fell in love. Unfortunately, I don't think that they actually love each other as much as they claim to. If they did love each other as much as they claimed, they would've been ready to fight for each other, even if the other's ignoring them.When Kai didn't text Kyungsoo back, Kyungsoo assumed Kai didn't love him and instead of fighting for him, he sort of just let it go. Even when Kyungsoo wss distancing himself aeay from Kai, Kai never noticed or had any suspicions. I understand that he had to take care of his sick mom but he should have thought about Kyungsoo's well being for at least a second.

Sehun and Kai are the couple which depicts the classic, unrequited love. Sehun is Kai's best friend and has been in love with him for quite some time. Kai ends up accepting Sehun's confession because he thought that he had no chance with Kyungsoo. Despite him wanting to believe otherwise, Sehun knows that he was just a rebound. This is why he kept on asking for confirmation that he was better than Kyungsoo. They eventually break up. There was nothing wrong with how Sehun and Kai's relationship was written.

Behind the Author's Mind: 28/40

Logical: 10/10

Nothing seems very odd or illogical.

Original: 8/10
Everythimg seems pretty original.

Tone: 5/5
The story was written in a foreshadowing tone which matches the plot perfectly.

Naration: 2/5

The tenses used in the story were inconsistent.

Storyline: 3/10
The storyline dragged on at first and went too fast after. I think this was because you tried to fit in many days of the story in one chapter. This caused the storyline to sort of dragged on at first without really much meaning. I personally suggest that you pick the important days in which influential stuff really happened and write the day's happenings in detail. 

After the practicum ended, you sort of rushed the whole story. While Kyungsoo and Kai weren't really seeing each other and were too busy dealing with their problems, there wasn't a lot written about each incident that happened.

Proper Use of the English Language: 20/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 6/10

There were some grammatical errors. For example,

In Chapter 1:

'They hanged out with people' should be ' They hung out with people' This is because the past tense of hang is hung.

Most of the grammar mistakes were because you got your prepositions mixed up.

Terminology: 4/5
You vocabulary wasn't that expanded but wasn't that limited either. It was just right

 
Language Barrier: 10/10
There were no overused Korean phrases.

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 1/5
It wasn't a really enjoyable read. The pace wasn't all that great as stated above. Also, because the story was very plot driven, I couldn't really sympathise with the characters. The characters themselves and the characters' thoughts weren't really introduced and written in detail so I couldn't feel a connection with the characters. I realised how much I didn't know about the characters when Kai wanted to become a medical student

Total points: 69/100

A little note from me

The plot of the story itself was a good plot. Sadly, the characters just weren't showcased properly and the pace wasn't consistent. If you don't have one, I suggest to get a beta reader just to fix the grammatical errors and prepositions. Personally, the most important thing for me in a story is relating and understading how the character feel. 

Anyways, good job overall and I apologise for the long wait. I hope you continue writing and fighting!

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