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Author: WooGyu_KyuSung_YooSu
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 11/02/15
Review Completion: 11/04/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Title: 9/10

Logical: 3/3

The title has to do with the story in every sense. It's common for a person to want to be loved right from their partner, despite their differences nor pasts. Not just romance-love but all kinds of love. 
Eye-catching: 2/3
Is the title eye-catching? I would say no if I haven't seen the poster. Because then it immediately made me think to myself "who's the 'me' in the story?" Is there even a me? Or is there an us? Or we? Or me as in which character of the 12 'me'? 
Original: 4/4
Obviously the title isn't original or new, it's been used multiple times but this won't stop me from giving you a full grade. It would be strange if I downgraded this part for the title as it makes sense that many stories will have the same title. 

Description/Foreword: 9/10

Summary: 5/5

Personally I thought it was clever of you to use a pregnancy as the "summary", not one one but six pregnancies. It got me going and excited to see what's going to happen. There is nothing wrong with a long summary as long has it's hooking, however long summaries will come with more grammical mistakes. "eached" is not a word and 'thier' should be 'their'. "peice" = "piece" / "chocking" = "choking". 

I'm sure you knew this, but because your summary was so long you may have missed it. (I know the feeling, I love long summaries for my own stories and I tend to miss the errors). Common mistake. Otherwise your summary is very intridging. 

In order to keep the story interesting (in my opinion) all I suggest is that you delete the action in the characters section. Leave it a mysterious, who is saying what? Who of Luhan and Sehun is saying which line? It's no longer interesting if you're already giving away what happened, and what the two are going to say. 

I guess I'll give you an example? You decide for yourself which one was more to your interest. These are pure examples~!

"I've never loved you." 

"Don't lie to me. You did love me." 

"Keep telling yourself that, but I don't love you! In fact, I hate you." 

vs. 

"I've never loved you." Said Suho as he squirmed under Yixing's arms. 

"Don't lie to me. You did love me." Yixing screamed before he threw a punch against the bed that held him and Suho. 

"Keep telling yourself that, but I don't love you! In fact, I hate you." Suho cried in return.

 Now, imagine as the reader reads on and saw the second part in the story. What would they think? Would they be surprise to see who said what in the summary portion? Or would they just move on, already knowing who said what? So the real question is, do you want to surprise them? Or would you rather just tell them, without wanting to surprise them? The decision is completely yours, since you did imply that I shouldnt spend much time here. I'm aware you have a plan of your own, but this was just a mere suggestion xD

Appearance: 4/5
The usage of colors and bold fonts is very effective. So kudos there. As for the whole appearance, it's simple, not very busy, maybe too colorful with the warnings (even when we're already at the rated M section, plus you've also tagged mpreg. I know some readers does not look at the tags and warning, but to those who will see them, I suggest maybe using a darker color for the blue? Since you've been using black/gray and dark red for most of the foreword).  

Character Development/Showcasing: 9/10

Development: 4/5

Since we're just starting to know the kids, it's most likely that they may develop later on. As for the adults, Luhan, who's influence as a kid wasn't so great grew up to become a great parent. I was quite surprise, actually, how he grew up to be so open to kids. As a kid he tend to keep to himself after his mother kept bringing in more men who verbally abused him. I wanted to see how and what made him change, since he seem to be the lead character. 

Also the reference of the real personality of the idols were incorporated into the story. So other than the fictional family and lives they all lived, EXO was really just EXO. 

At first we get that the 'fathers' are the bad guys who left the mothers to fend for their young, but the way it goes, there were no bad guys xD Maybe Satan Kyungsoo (JK) but the fathers were made to be badder than they truly are. 
 

Relation/Cast: 5/5
The cast is quite large especially with the additional children, however the problem isn't always the numbers but the roles of the characters itself. Below I'll try to point out what I have noted of each child, it'll help me with pointing out anything strange and perhaps help you to see if the personalities of each children was conveyed correctly onto your readers. And honestly speaking not many writers want to deal with such a large group of characters, but I must say you planned it out well. You gave the characters their own hobbies, likes, and dislikes. 

Ziyu (Luhan&Sehun's son): One of the younger children who enjoys playing and sees nothing wrong with it. Ziyu's misprounciation and speech disorder automatically shows his age, he's still a child who requires a lot of care and attention. He's Lovelyz's number one fanboy, well I'm Ziyu's number one fangirl lol. 

Xiudae (Xiumin&Chen's son): Xiudae is sweet and considerate of others. Xiudae's appearance are very limited but we know he's one of the youngest and unlike the others he has a blanket. 

Hoxing (Suho&Yixing's son): Hoxing, the second oldest is like any bigger boy, he doesn't want to appear tiny or as a child in front of his peers. He's also a lot quieter and as you mentioned, he fades into the background though he's equally loved. We all know he's a fan of books (he's like Matilda lol). And along with Zifan and Jongsoo, Hoxing all take martial art classes under Tao, so it's not surprising that the three are more mature and manlier. 

Jongsoo (Kyungsoo&Kai's son): The third oldest has a photographic memory, so he's a lot smarter when it comes to memorizing and such. Also as one of the older child, he's more mature. (We also get it that he has a thing for Ziyu).

Baekyeol (Baekhyun&Chanyeol's son): Among the rest, Baekyeol is the most troubling to deal with as he's very active and reckless. Just as any child, Baekyeol's actions are quickly understood though not proper. 

Zifan (Tao&Kris's son): The oldest boy, he's kind yet masculine for his age. He looks after the younger boys when no adults are around. And unlike his childish father, Zifan is a lot more like his father in the aspect of maturity.

Taehyung: (Baekhyun and Daehyun's son, Baekyeol's younger brother): Taehyung is two years old, the age where children are starting to talk. 

Haowen: (Sehun's son): A lot more mature for his age and expressionless like his father. And the way he informally calls Sehun by his name means the two are equal, which isn't Korean tradtional, but it shows how well Sehun respect Haowen. 

The relationship between the children and their mothers were all played out well. It does feel like we're in a home with six mothers and children and many things are happening. Overall I believe you know what you're doing with each child and character. At first I was a bit surprised as to how you were going to display each character's role, but in the end you really had a firm grasp of your characters. 

I'd also say the characters were quite easily visualized as someone familiar with EXO, but anyone who doesn't know EXO may be afraid of the cast, especially when 1/3 of the casts are basically OCs. 

And not to mention, I love Sunggyu and Dongwoo's entrance in the story lol. In all honestly readers can expect, EXO, INFINITE, BAP, FX, MBLAQ, BTS, 2NE1, and SHINee in this story lol. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 38/40

Logical: 10/10

As far as science goes I'd say the story was logical. There wasn't any fantasy nor fiction to the story's plot.  
Original: 10/10
I'm a rookie reader in the mpreg field, so I must say this was original and very different from anything else I've read. The idea of six mothers, six fathers, and six children (666 xD) is just an interesting combination. I meaen sure there were more characters to it, but the original six, made the story a lot more different. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story was constant, there were no randomness in your tone as the author. 

Naration: 5/5

Told from a third person's POV, the narration was fairly done well as well. Nothing out of place and no random switching of the character's pov. Even when the focus was shifted. 
Storyline: 8/10
At times the story is draggy, mainly because you've gathered the whole cast into one scene, and it's difficult as an author to do—to explain what every character is doing in the moment. That then drags the focus of the story.  The flow of the story is played by the past and present, every scene is either the present or pasts and it hops around quite a bit. If one really follows the whole story then it wouldn't be confusing to read, in fact it's easy to follow. But missing out on a chapter can really mess up the follow up of events that has happened and why it happened. I know a lot of readers hate the flashbacks and pasts at times, or the time lapses, but I thought every one counts since it gives us more about the (in this case) mothers. 

I love the twist of Jongin being Suho's younger brother. That was a good twist. Then there's Jongsoo who has a thing for Ziyu. And surprisingly Haowen likes Lulu. 

The story starts picking up with the relationship between Lay, Suho, and Kai. It means Hoxing and Jongsoo are cousins (yay!). 

Proper Use of the English Language: 20/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

I'm aware that you have a beta-reader, but here are the common mistakes I've spotted. Some 'then' needs to be 'than', when comparing. Then has to do with time, than is comparision. 

A way to remember this is that there is no 'e' in comparison, so it's than'. Or when 'compare' just remember that the 'a' still came before the 'e'.

Time has an e'' but not an 'a', so it's then. 

At first I thought 'their' was just a typo but I noticed all of them were 'thier'. In chapter one Baekhyun's name was left as 'Beakhyun' as well. Punctuation is the least of your worries, however I'd say proofread and make the small edits on grammar. 

Termonology: 5/5
You have a firm grip as vocabularies so termonologies wasn't a problem, as far as I could see. 

Language Barrier: 7/10
Many authors loves to insert Korean words, like 'appa', 'omma', 'yah', etc. I suggest writing them out in English, because one it distubrs the flow of the reading. Readers are reading it in English and then all of a sudden there's a Korean word. It throws off not only any readers but native speakers as well. Two, don't forget that readers are well aware of the characters and story being in Korean, so we would assume they were already speaking in Korean. And three it's alright since you used simple terms, but in case you were to insert large words that would have a reader stop for a brief moment to read out what you've written. To non-Korean speakers, it takes us a moment to fully read and understand 'gomsameda' (I probably butcher the whole spelling) when we could have easily read 'thank you' and move on. Four, unless your intention is to teach us Korean, I'd suggest not using the language at all. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 4/5
This is probably my second mpreg? The first one was Donghae as a woman so I'm not even sure if it was mpreg xD Either way I enjoyed the facts behind the story, the scienctific facts and how the story is playing out so far. I'd admit that the story does seem draggy at times (which I completely understand, I mean if you were to rush the whole story then that would have been terrible) but the read was amazing!

My favorite child is probably Hoxing lol, I just love his role and how he interact with Lay. Super adorable! I'd love to read just a chapter of Hoxing lol, or even a sequel when he's all grown up xD I fangirled so much when he's in the scene. Call me crazy but you can't stop me from crushing on your ficional six year old OC son of Suho and Lay!

Either way I hope this was at least helpful. Or at least assures you how your story is coming off as~

Also it seems you're an Inspirit too? Grateful to have reviewed this work of yours fellow Inspirit!

Total Points: 89/100