Saudade - It's_Ally
BLK's Review Shop ACHIEVEPickup
NOTE: Six chapters - on-going
(8/10) Title: Great title but it was too short. It slipped my mind the next day and it took me quite a while to remember the name.
(6/10) Character: Starting with Chen, he loves books. He makes friends easy, I guess since he became besties with Krystal through books already.
For Krystal, she loves books. She's always depressed? .. To me she seems like an introvert but turns into an extrovert when it comes to talking about books.
For Suho, he hasn't shown up yet.
I couldn't pick up any character development. Who knows, maybe it's because I had no interest in this story at all.
(8/10) Originality: Plotline was quite unique. Angst stories are just as common as any other tag, so just like the originality it's going to exist somewhere else too. You didn't earn full points because it's not going to be possible. Unless there's a time traveling machine that lets you go back and delete the rest of the stories, then be my guest.
Other than that, there's no such thing as being original.
(31/40) Storyline/Plot: Starting from the prologue, it was perfect. Almost too perfect except for that question that I had at the end of the chapter. Did a car hit them? While they were in a car, another car crashed into them? A car collided .. with a uh, parked car .. God that's one stupid driver. It's one thing if their car was actually moving but because this one was parked that just makes it even funnier.
Flow(affected overall enjoyment) was too slow. Usually stories with short updates leave me craving more but for your case I just wasn't interested. I actually finished most of this review before chapter six, and when I went back to go check out your story again I found out you updated. I was going to read chapter six, but I forgot the whole point of the story. That resulted in me having to reread chapter five, which was a complete bummer.
Cliffhanger at chapter six didn't leave me wondering anything either. He waved to someone he knows, and in the next chapter we'll meet them.
(24/25) Grammar/Errors: I understand that English isn't your first language, which is why below this I'll correct some mistakes for you. I've also included a correction side and a suggestion one, and all of this is in chronlogical order.
In chapter one, I would just suggest for you not to capitalize the word ALWAYS like that, just italicize it. And, or like, erh what. Indentation is the only other thing I can say here.
Chapter two;
Original: Why would I create people out of my imagination? more precisely, two boys.
Correction: Why would I create people out of my imagination? More precisely, two boys.
Reviewer's troll comment; Gurl, it's obviously supposed to be boyies*
Chapter three;
Original(Near the ending): "Wow"
Correction: "Wow."
Chapter four;
Near the ending, you forgot the period again. You also forgot it during her visions.
Chapter wtf;
Original: I don't know.
Correction: Yeah ..
Suggestion: Are you sure English isn't your first language?
Note: Still can't believe it. ^
Compliment time; Your vocabulary ranges wide.
Note: If I've made a mistake myself or you think the correction isn't needed or right, comment down below so I can fix it or explain it to you.
(1/5) Overall Enjoyment: You could get high points for everything else on the list but here is where it does downhill. If it's an angst story then I want it to be an angst story. No emotions felt here. She lost her memory? I've never been through that, and I've never had a best friend forget who I was. I never had visions, I never met new people because I'm always stuck in my house. I expect you to make me feel like I've experienced these situations before, but that's where you failed.
(78/100) Points Total
Bonus: Your questions and focuses for us:
Additional comment: You sure did skip a lot of questions. If you would've put something in the focus section, your review would've been a lot more detailed. I only play by the rules given, so if you want me to comment on something else message me and I'll update this chapter.
Feel free to message me if you have any further questions.
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Review for: It's_Ally
Requested on: 08/30/2014
Finished On: 09/01/2014
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