The Immortals: The Mortal Prince - Victoria_luhan
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Story Details
Author: Victoria_luhan
Reviewed By: Eunriehyun
Requested Date: 08/09/15
Story Link: Link
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Bonus:
Plot:Is only starting but I can see how all the main character are meeting by fate and how the villain is approaching and growing stronger. I can honesty feel the shivers!
Flow: The flow is in a neat pace, but is taking to long for your uptake and ......don't let your readers wait!^^
Grammar: I did saw lots of errors,some of them I didn't understand completely and made me think if it was necessarily to understand and if it were important, I just lost some info regarding the story. So in such cases I suggest you open a Microsoft Word and before posting a new chap paste your work in Microsoft Word for any errors also you can use Google drive-word is really helpful.
Review
Title: 09/10
Logical: 2/3
So far the title is just becoming the characters, is still developing.
Eye-catching: 3/3
The title is quiet the catch, firstly because immortals we -the readers - tend to look forward to mythical things and if is combine with mortal the better.
Eye-catching: 4/4
The title was nice and hooking but what helped was the poster. It gave my mind the image of the guys becoming one to destroy the villain and how power and confident they have become. So great combination!
Description/Foreword: 10/10
Summary: 5/5
The introduction was good and it filled you in. It was almost like a trailer given us a taste of the actual thing.
Appearance: 5/5
It was neat, well organized and you even provide us with the definitions of each character and place and organizations you would use. But remember even if you did put the info is important to provide it once again at the right time.
Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10
Development: 5/5
Kai's development was not exactly how I had thought it would be. (I thought the once to 'corrupt' Kai would be Luhan,but not the case,yet (?)) Luhan was smarter than the average kiddos as well as Kris but I did love their progress. The others are starting to look a bit more human and realistic so is good.
Relation/Cast: 5/5
Because Kai is the main guy here I tend to focus on him the most, his relationship with Yinxi and D.O. was funny, but I love the relationship between him and Luhan ever since the baby scene! With everyone else Kai tries to put on a mask he obviously doesn't like and is trying to get himself out of his royal duties.
Behind the Author's Mind: 38/40
Logical: 10/10
It made sense and I can see where its going,but I can't wait to see the upcoming conflicts and the twists of this great story.
Original: 10/10
It did seem original and refreshing.
Tone: 5/5
It was good so far.
Naration: 3/5
I saw that you were really into telling the story,how about letting the characters take over once in a while (?) IT was a good start ,I just hope that in your future chaps there is more emotions and realization.
Storyline: 10/10
So far the storiline is coming along and is done in a well pace. Keep it up.
Proper Use of the English Language: 21/25
Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 06/10
Again, try using Microsoft Word or Google drive for editing before posting anything.
Termonology: 5/5
The dialogue, the scenes were good and very looking forward to.
Language Barrier: 10/10
No problem.
General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
It was worth reading that I tell you, I'm sorry it took me to long.*bows* I like the flow is taking and I really want more chapters! I hope you update soon is a knowledgeable story and is worth it.
Total: 93/100
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