calling Mikachuu
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Title (1/5)
The title is very weak, I’ve seen so many stories with ‘Forbidden’ in the title. It’s completely
boring and overused, not to mention it doesn’t even match the story. If their emotions are
forbidden then they would try hard to be with each other, not give up their romance.
Poster/Background/Trailer (1/10)
Obviously it was something you made yourself. It honestly doesn’t look that good at all. The
story is focused on Siwon and Eun Ae so the poster should only be them. Why did you add
Hana when she only appeared vaguely at the end of the story?
Description & Foreword (2/10)
What if you're in love with someone and the only thing left to do is to give up and move on? Are you going to
fight for your love even if it hurts? Or accept the fact that you're not meant to be with that person?
Why? Why do you have to give up and move on? You have to explain that, give a little
insight to catch the reader’s attention. This should explain why the title is ‘Forbidden
Sentiments’.
This is the story of two persons named Choi Siwon and Lee Eun Ae who are best of friends. What will rule in
the end? Love or friendship?
Don’t ever write ‘this is the story of…’, that is beyond amateur. You need to write Siwon and
Eun Ae in the first sentence too.
Honestly, the description doesn’t match the story or the title at all so I can’t even give you
any advice on it.
Foreword:
First off, if you’re going to write an author’s note then put it at the very end. Secondly,
telling people that this is only your first or second story is AKA “I at writing, you don’t
want to read this.”. Do not tell people that, it makes them uninterested because it shows
that the story is going be written very poorly.
For the character descriptions, you obviously wrote them without thinking ahead. Eun Ae is
a college freshman? In the story you wrote that she was fifteen. What the heck? Also, you
don’t need to put this: (this one is a fictional character lol). Just put OC if you want, but
most people will automatically realize if it’s an OC.
Choi Siwon: we already know that he’s from Super Junior, obviously, so what was the point
in putting that there?
Kim Hana: She’s barely in the story, you don’t even need to put her description here
because she’s unnecessary.
You also don’t need to listen Eun Ae’s friends because they aren’t there until the last two
chapters of the story. Unless the characters are vital to the story, don’t put them in the
description.
Plot (1/10)
What the heck is the story even about? It starts off in a completely random place, a girl
breaking up with a guy. Why? If you’re going to write something, give details about the
story. What happened before? Did they have a history? Stop writing so much on their
thoughts and emotions because all you are doing is writing the same thing over and over
and no one wants to read that.
The story makes absolutely no sense and I couldn’t follow it at all. I had to read it three
times to realize that Eun Ae and Siwon were just friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend.
Originality (6/10)
Nothing to say, just that I’ve seen it before.
Flow (1/5)
Because the plot makes no sense, the flow is terrible. It’s all over the place and I can’t even
concentrate because I’m trying to figure out what the story is even about.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)
Spelling is great.
Punctuation, you could work on. You need to look up comma use because you don’t know
when to put them in.
Vocab: Obviously you use synonyms to make your story sound more mature. It doesn’t.
Grammar: Is okay. Good, not great, could do better.
Writing Style (2/10)
I don’t even know what to say for this. Your writing style is so bad it makes me want to
just write the story for you.
1: Point of View.
It’s fine if you are telling people when you are switching the point of view, but do it plain
and simple.
Siwon’s POV
2: Thoughts, Dialogue, Texts
There are several things you can do to emphasize if the characters are talking, thinking,
texting, etc. You have everyone all over the place. Random sentences are bold, italicized,
have quotations, and none of makes any sense. I had a really hard time figuring out what I
was reading.
For thoughts: Obviously you are writing this in a first person point of view so you can’t do
anything about the thoughts. So stop making random words bold, it’s annoying.
For texting: I can’t tell what is a text conversation or a phone call.
You wrote this as a text, I think:
"Siwon, goodbye. It hurts already. If you're wondering why I'm selfish and unaware of your feelings, it's
probably because I lost myself while I was loving you. You're the only thing that revolves around me so you
can't blame me for this. I don't want to push myself just to be with you. I know you're not in love with me. I'm
sorry if I kept on loving you even if it's not right. Good night."
Eun Ae’s POV
To make it look like an actual text and not someone’s thoughts, write it like this:
From: Eun Ae
Siwon, goodbye. It hurts already…
You see?
3: There is this fancy little button on the editing page which puts a bar to separate change
of scene. Use it. Put it at the start, changing scenes, and at the end of the story before your
author’s notes.
Until you fix this, I honestly can’t give you a good review because it’s too confusing to even
read.
Overall Enjoyment (0/10)
This was the worst story I have ever read. It was so bad that I had a really hard time
making this review. Obviously since no one commented on it and you only have one
subscriber that means it’s not something people want to read. I would not recommend this
to anyone and I seriously advise you to study other stories and get a sense of writing style
before making another story.
However, everyone starts off as a crappy writer. I wasn’t perfect when I started writing.
Just take my advice, study other people’s writing style and then keep writing. The more you
write the better you will get.
Total Score: 24/100
The title is very weak, I’ve seen so many stories with ‘Forbidden’ in the title. It’s completely
boring and overused, not to mention it doesn’t even match the story. If their emotions are
forbidden then they would try hard to be with each other, not give up their romance.
Poster/Background/Trailer (1/10)
Obviously it was something you made yourself. It honestly doesn’t look that good at all. The
story is focused on Siwon and Eun Ae so the poster should only be them. Why did you add
Hana when she only appeared vaguely at the end of the story?
Description & Foreword (2/10)
What if you're in love with someone and the only thing left to do is to give up and move on? Are you going to
fight for your love even if it hurts? Or accept the fact that you're not meant to be with that person?
Why? Why do you have to give up and move on? You have to explain that, give a little
insight to catch the reader’s attention. This should explain why the title is ‘Forbidden
Sentiments’.
This is the story of two persons named Choi Siwon and Lee Eun Ae who are best of friends. What will rule in
the end? Love or friendship?
Don’t ever write ‘this is the story of…’, that is beyond amateur. You need to write Siwon and
Eun Ae in the first sentence too.
Honestly, the description doesn’t match the story or the title at all so I can’t even give you
any advice on it.
Foreword:
First off, if you’re going to write an author’s note then put it at the very end. Secondly,
telling people that this is only your first or second story is AKA “I at writing, you don’t
want to read this.”. Do not tell people that, it makes them uninterested because it shows
that the story is going be written very poorly.
For the character descriptions, you obviously wrote them without thinking ahead. Eun Ae is
a college freshman? In the story you wrote that she was fifteen. What the heck? Also, you
don’t need to put this: (this one is a fictional character lol). Just put OC if you want, but
most people will automatically realize if it’s an OC.
Choi Siwon: we already know that he’s from Super Junior, obviously, so what was the point
in putting that there?
Kim Hana: She’s barely in the story, you don’t even need to put her description here
because she’s unnecessary.
You also don’t need to listen Eun Ae’s friends because they aren’t there until the last two
chapters of the story. Unless the characters are vital to the story, don’t put them in the
description.
Plot (1/10)
What the heck is the story even about? It starts off in a completely random place, a girl
breaking up with a guy. Why? If you’re going to write something, give details about the
story. What happened before? Did they have a history? Stop writing so much on their
thoughts and emotions because all you are doing is writing the same thing over and over
and no one wants to read that.
The story makes absolutely no sense and I couldn’t follow it at all. I had to read it three
times to realize that Eun Ae and Siwon were just friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend.
Originality (6/10)
Nothing to say, just that I’ve seen it before.
Flow (1/5)
Because the plot makes no sense, the flow is terrible. It’s all over the place and I can’t even
concentrate because I’m trying to figure out what the story is even about.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)
Spelling is great.
Punctuation, you could work on. You need to look up comma use because you don’t know
when to put them in.
Vocab: Obviously you use synonyms to make your story sound more mature. It doesn’t.
Grammar: Is okay. Good, not great, could do better.
Writing Style (2/10)
I don’t even know what to say for this. Your writing style is so bad it makes me want to
just write the story for you.
1: Point of View.
It’s fine if you are telling people when you are switching the point of view, but do it plain
and simple.
Siwon’s POV
2: Thoughts, Dialogue, Texts
There are several things you can do to emphasize if the characters are talking, thinking,
texting, etc. You have everyone all over the place. Random sentences are bold, italicized,
have quotations, and none of makes any sense. I had a really hard time figuring out what I
was reading.
For thoughts: Obviously you are writing this in a first person point of view so you can’t do
anything about the thoughts. So stop making random words bold, it’s annoying.
For texting: I can’t tell what is a text conversation or a phone call.
You wrote this as a text, I think:
"Siwon, goodbye. It hurts already. If you're wondering why I'm selfish and unaware of your feelings, it's
probably because I lost myself while I was loving you. You're the only thing that revolves around me so you
can't blame me for this. I don't want to push myself just to be with you. I know you're not in love with me. I'm
sorry if I kept on loving you even if it's not right. Good night."
Eun Ae’s POV
To make it look like an actual text and not someone’s thoughts, write it like this:
From: Eun Ae
Siwon, goodbye. It hurts already…
You see?
3: There is this fancy little button on the editing page which puts a bar to separate change
of scene. Use it. Put it at the start, changing scenes, and at the end of the story before your
author’s notes.
Until you fix this, I honestly can’t give you a good review because it’s too confusing to even
read.
Overall Enjoyment (0/10)
This was the worst story I have ever read. It was so bad that I had a really hard time
making this review. Obviously since no one commented on it and you only have one
subscriber that means it’s not something people want to read. I would not recommend this
to anyone and I seriously advise you to study other stories and get a sense of writing style
before making another story.
However, everyone starts off as a crappy writer. I wasn’t perfect when I started writing.
Just take my advice, study other people’s writing style and then keep writing. The more you
write the better you will get.
Total Score: 24/100
reviewed by: peacelovehugs
Don't forget the rules ;)
we're NOT taking any request! The shop is busy so if you guys can refrain from requesting anymore reviews!!!
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