Free Time

Title (3/5)

Simple and sweet. I don’t know how the title will fit the story just by looking at the forward but it makes me curious enough to look for more.

Poster/Trailer/Background (7/10)

I really like the animation in the poster. And since it is a love story, I really liked the red/ pink color scheme.

Description/Foreword (3/10)

The description does its job; describing. I would suggest making it a little more attention grabbing. It sounds a little boring to me. And for the foreword, I suggest doing something else. The forward is a place to give a brief teaser of your story, not a place to put your characters. Of course you can keep your characters there, but there also needs to be something else too.

Plot (4/10)
Truthfully, the plot seems boring to me. The idea of a kpop idol girl group meeting Shinee is totally overused. Despite your awesome writing abilities, if the plot lacks interest, people won’t read it. In chapter 2, it seems highly unlikely that Shinee will meet up with an idol group, since scandals might occur. Adding drama, even small bits like this, can change the story quite a lot. And that Minho kiss came from nowhere, you know? There was no chemistry, no love buildup before then. It was sudden and the reader has no feelings about relationship. It’s just bland.

Originality 2/10
Lame story plot. Sorry. It just sounds to….used. Boring. I’ve read about a million of these.

Flow 2/5
Although I liked the flow in the beginning, the kiss threw me off. Where did that come from? I suggest you start adding more information, more subplots, more drama before adding a kiss like that. Yes, it was sudden, but too sudden is not always good.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30)
“They purposely sat like this so Mikyong and Soyoung couldn't sit together because they always cause trouble when left unsupervised”
That is a run on sentence. Separate at “couldn’t sit together” and “because.”
“The boys face turned red and he shyly closed the window”
Boy’s. Watch punctuation!
“During a story Eunhee was telling him about how Soyoung and Mikyong blew up a television her phone started ringing”
It’s kind of worded incorrectly. “During a story that Eunhee told about how Soyoung and Mikyong blew up a television, her phone started to ring.” It sounds more neater and straight to the point.

There wasn’t much mistakes, other than punctuation. I think every sentence had some punctuation mistake, like a missing comma. But they didn’t detract from the story.

Writing Style (8/10)
The style of your writing is pretty nice. It is clear, quirky and fun. Now if you only fix your plot, you will be all set to go!

Overall Enjoyment (3/10)
I didn’t enjoy this story only because of the lame plot. I actually felt like you were letting such good writing talent go to waste. If I were you, I suggest you think. Think for a plot that is original or hasn’t been used too much. Create your own twist! Writing is about letting your creativity shine; not to create cheap writing.

Total Score: 60/100%

reviewed by: susanyuenkim