This is Wrong

Title (2/5)

I think that the title is too bland for the story.

Poster/Background/Trailer (/10)

Description & Foreword (5/10)

Not much you can write for one-shot without giving too much away. But the single sentence was
interesting enough to make me want to read more.

Plot (6/10)

Interesting but I think you could do a lot more with what you have. I feel as if it was written half-
heartedly, like you had a spectacular idea and didn’t know what to do with it or something.

Originality (7/10)

Overall, it’s cliché but you gave it such an interesting twist that was completely unexpected.

Flow (4/5)

I suppose for a one-shot that it was good, but I think even for that you could have slowed down
and given us a little bit more.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (30/30)

Good.

Writing Style (5/10)

I’m sorry to say, but your writing style hasn’t improved from the last story I reviewed for you. It
still lacks so much which isn’t good because you have a lot of potential as a writer. My advice to
you is to find the really good author’s on the site and study their writing style. You can learn a
lot from trying to decipher how your stories and theirs compare.

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I do like the idea and I really think that if you made it into a multi-chaptered fic that it would be
a success. However, you still need to improve on your writing style for it to be something that I
actually enjoy a lot and want to read.

Total Score:  64/90%

reviewed by: Peacelovehugs