Thank You, Goodbye & I Love You

Title(4/5)

I really like the title. When I read the description, I knew it has something to do with the title. Of course. Although the title isn't pretty catchy in the eyes of readers, you might be able to draw other readers who love angst or sad stories because your title sounds like that. 

Readers would be curious about why the title is like that, who said that and why. By reading the title, I already imagine things like lovers who need to be separated because one had to die and in the end he'd thank him/her; say goodbye and I love you then dies. It sounds predictable because of the title but even so, I can't even think of a better title for your story.

Just one suggestion. Write 'and' instead of '&'

Poster & Background & Trailer(8/10)

First of all, wow poster. Second of all, epic. Lastly, it's nice. Well, I love the main poster. It's amazing and really appealing. You have a fitting background. These two helps draw readers in, including me. Maybe one thing I don't understand, the main poster has a fantasy feeling and I don't know, the title combined with the poster doesn't really look good together. Including the font used, it's not a very good choice for the genre of your story.

Description & Foreword(8/10)

I didn't really find your description appealing. The moment I read it, I thought this is just another story with someone who has a critical condition, someone who doesn't want his family to know about. Besides the clichés, I love the way you write although there were a couple of mistakes here and there.

Your foreword is only your notes, but I don’t really mind.

I'm not really good at explaining things but here are some mistakes in the description:

Error: The doctor was silence for a moment, feeling unsure with what he should react at this kind of situation.

Correct: The doctor fell silent for a moment, uncertain of how he should reactin that kind of situation.

Error: 'you will also hurt the people that love and care about you until now.'

Correct: you will also hurt the people who love and care about you until now.

Error: The doctor was shocked with what the patient's respond towards his words.

Correct: The doctor was shocked of how the patient responds towards his words.

Plot(6/10)

I like the plot but I have read couple of stories with the same plot as yours. It also lacked emotions and creativeness. I didn't find the twist I was looking for, it was all too predictable. Dongwoon came, he talked with Doojoon and Doojoon asked what he would do when he recovers...Dongwoon says all his plans with him, which is all predictable and not as touching as I thought it would be.

What I like about it is the characters. I like how Doojoon doesn't like saying I love you but instead, he'd nod but then in the end he said those three romantic words. I don’t like how Dongwoon is like in your story. Only because, he got completely insane and shouted at the doctor that it was his fault and that he's a murderer. Okay, so at that part, I wasn't expecting that.

Originality(4/10)

Having someone with an illness, not telling anyone he would disappear in the world one day and suddenly dies while his lover plans for their future. I knew it was coming. It was foreseeable.

Flow(4/5)

The way it started was good. It's a one-shot fic anyway, so it began precisely nice and ended well.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(23/30)

I saw some mistakes in your description so this time; I'm going to take a look at your chapter.

Time, please don't stop ... not right now

-You should always use capital letter after a punctuation mark. That makes it ' ...Not right now'

Do not add punctuation after a different punctuation.

- For example '...,' is not right. When you already have periods, don’t add any comma anymore. It wouldn't be appropriate.

He knew that he was holding back his tears to not fall from his eyes.

- He knew that he was holding back his tears not to fall from his eyes.

For making him worry so much to his illness.

- For making him worry so much about his illness.

Junhyung startled and lifted up his head to face his brother,

- Junhyung was startled as he lifted up his head to face his brother,

His eyes was sparkling because of the tears.

-his eyes were sparkling because of his tears.

As he hold back Dongwoon's hand tightly

-as he held back Dongwoon's hand tightly. 

Also, dont use run-on sentences. That's a total turn-off. Separate sentences into two instead of using a comma. There were some sentences in your story that can stand by itself so separate them and it would be better.

'letting the tears fell and wetting all over his pale face'

-letting the tears fall and wetting his pale face

'Although tears started to roll to his cheek'

- Avoid repeating words like 'to'. A better way to write this is: Although tears started rolling on his cheek or although tears started to roll down his cheek

'Smiling before gave him a kiss on his right hand again.

- smiling before giving him a kiss on his right hand again.

Only Dongwoon who could understandit.

- Only Dongwoon could understand him.

If one day I have recovered, what will you do to celebrate it?

- If one day I recover, what would you do to celebrate?

The blonde guy didn't even at Junhyung's sudden presence

- The blonde guy didn't even realized Junhyung's sudden presence (You didn't need to put 'at')

which used for measuring his brother's heart beat

- Which was used for measuring his brother's heart beat (Just don't forget 'was')

How do I suppose to do when you're not by my side anymore?

- What am I supposed to do when you're not by my side anymore?

The doctor gave a sympathy look to the blonde guy

- The doctor gave a sympathy look at the blonde guy

He has gone. You have to be able to let him go

- I think it's better to simply say 'He's gone. You have to let him go.'

Writing Style(8/10)

It was fine although you need to show more emotion for the story. It's just that it didn't make me cry at all although I was ready to cry. Maybe I'm just too numb this day. Also, I didn't like how you addressed the characters with their hair color. I mean, that really annoyed me and sometimes confused me. Blonde haired guy, dark brown and brunette... Delete that and just stick to their names.

Overall Enjoyment(7/10)

I really like angst and sad stories and I was expecting too much about this. Maybe if you showed a little bit flashbacks, it could have been better. What disappointed me is that I could almost see what would happen next. However, even though it's like that, I still enjoyed reading it. The downfalls are 'it's predictable', 'not too much emotions shown or expressed' and sometimes I said to myself 'this is getting boring'.

Total – 72/100

reviewer: sususco123
remember to check the foreword for your status ;

don't forget to credit reviewer and shop.

And I apologize that I changed the reviewer since the reviewer who was supposed to review is busy;

and well, I decided to fire her

but can come back whenever she's free ;)

I also apologized for the lack of details in this review.