Hot Like Kimchi, Sweet Like Ice Cream

Title (3/5)

Title is interestingly cute. Why I like it is because I also like hot food, except hot Kimchi because I haven't even tried that. Now I'm trying to be serious. The title does sound good for the one-shot, but it doesn't sound like a perfect fit for the story. Joon likes something hot and Jessica likes Sweet. That's a total opposite and surely, it only talks about them so it fits the one-shot but I think it could have been better. Something mind-blowing and catchy, something not about food because actually, the two leads only talked about that for a short time and not for long. It wasn't even the center of attraction then again it is just my opinion so don't bash me ;)

Poster & Background & Trailer (-)

You don't have one so I'm not giving any points here. Don't worry; it won’t affect your over-all score

Description & Foreword (9/10)

From what I see, it is a collection of one-shots (Rated M) so I don't know how I should judge this part. But let me try.

It's good of you to introduce the pairings in the description, but I see not everyone is there? I'm saying, Joon and Jessica aren't there (I totally understand that). For the foreword, having a table of contents is just nice. I really don't have anything to say actually. However, I have a tiny suggestion. Instead of putting big pictures of the pairings, why not just put icons so it would be 'tiny' and wouldn't look a 'little messy'? Just my opinion.

Plot (7/10)

Plot's easy to foretell but since I enjoyed how the two lead characters got close in a certain setting (a restaurant), I'm not going to deduct a lot of points here.

Originality (5/10)

Joon, a waiter and met Jessica during high school and she was the girlfriend of Joon's friend and then they met again in Joon's workplace. It's actually like a typical love story. What the wonderful thing is that the most interesting setting in the story, the restaurant where the two got close. I mean, the restaurant is common too. Male lead being a waiter is common. Female Girl divorcing a man is common and raising a child on her own is also common. Having someone to be close with, asking for him to be her waiter is also common. Not being able to go home because he has no money and so the girl offers he should stay at her home...Then they slept in one bed... everything is overused, I don't have to mention everything right? But since someone had requested this one-shot for you, I give in.

Flow (4/5)

It was flowing naturally smooth for a one-shot.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary(28/30)

First, avoid using repetitive words.

Ex. This time, Joon absolutely made sure he was her waiter this time.

Note: Notice how you repeated 'this time'? You can just delete the last 'this time' words. Your story will be better and more readable.

Second. You wrote some sentences that cannot stand alone. If you know what I mean...

Ex. Joon hadn't a won in his pocket.

Note: It's either you add the word 'brought' between hadn't and 'a'. Joon hadn't brought a won in his pocket/ Joon hadn't had at least a won in his pocket.

Just a question, a won is a money right? (LOL) Please excuse me I am wrong.

Third, mixing of tenses. It's good to read present tense but there is this time when you don't realize you actually mixed the present to the past.

And lastly, there weren't major mistakes that I should write and point at. Maybe a couple mistakes but you yourself can retype if you have a plan to proofread your one-shot.

Overall, you're really good at writing. I love your writing style, your vocabulary was splendid.

Writing Style (9/10)

You described well, I like it. You know descriptions or the emotions that can make reader feels as if they are there (in the story) is what I have been after for in a story. A story dramatized in descriptive and maybe unfamiliar words. Yours were simple, it wasn't that marvelous or professional let's say, but it was good and logical order (scenes in the story). You had a crisp style of writing, because I was certainly affected by a certain scene being described.

Overall Enjoyment (7/10)

I enjoyed your story although not wholly. It needs excitement because I thought it was boring and I still can't see how the chemistry is between Joon and Jessica base on the story. The plotline wasn't at all catchy; it was predictable so that's why I didn't enjoy it to the fullest. I see someone had requested that one-shot, I don't know what kind of creativity you had written or if there is, but I almost didn't notice it. It was boring in the first part.

I liked the ending though. How happy the three were, now that they were united and how Jaehyung accepts Joon as his appa (even though he is not). A touching ending and honestly, it made me smile at the end because the mother and son had decided to be with Joon.

I also apologize if I lack details in my review. I actually feel like reading so that’s why I picked your story but I never thought that I actually dont feel like reviewing. Hope that make sense.

Total Score: 72/90%

reviewer's note: As you can see, it's only over 90%. I did not include the Poster/Trailer/Background part.

Reviewed by: sususco123