What?! My husband is DongHae?! review

a. Title (2/5)

I don't like it. I know, it tells the plot of your story but it just sounds common, I mean the words "My husband is..." etc.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (4/10)

It's okay. Just a little bit problem with the written title? It's not the same with your actual title "What?! My husband is DongHae?” the "What" word is not there. Also, the photos are not well-colorized, but I like the plain cute pinky background and the font.

c. Description & Foreword (6/10)

The question "how is it going to turn out?" made my mind racing with predictions. I like how you didn't reveal much, but revealed maybe the middle of the story or the . I don't know what to call that. And also, about your grammar there, I will check them.

correct:

What If your Best friend whom is a Kingka...

(or What if your best friend, a Kingka...)

Becomes your HUSBAND?!

wrong -> But if almost Everyone knew it except you?

I don't really understand it much, and I'm not sure if my correction is right to what you meant in that sentence. Let me try, should it be...

Everyone knew about it except you?

-Also, I've got a question right there. Why did you say "you/your" when there's no "you" in your story, it's entirely Jessica and Donghae not you and Donghae right? So you should put Jessica instead.

correct:

When Jessica was 15 her father died in an accident but before her father died he made a will for Jessica to marry his Friend's son when she turns 18.

But it turned out  that her father's friend's son is her best friend. Jessica father's kept it a secret until Jessica turns 18 then he'll tell her but Jessica's Father told her family members , Friends and Donghae's Family .Only Donghae and her did not know that she/him is supposed to marry her/his best friend.

Jessica is going to turn 18 in just a few months but how will her mother tell her that she is supposed to marry Donghae after she turns 18.

Her father's only wish is for her to marry Donghae.

That's it. I like your character description although you only showed Donghae and Jessica's personalities. Your foreword which is your prologue is also nice, just a few grammar mistakes and misspellings that you can check later.

d. Plot (3/10)

I'm not attracted to your plot. It's common, I've read a lot of fics about this certain girl marrying a kingka or something or her best friend and they do not know they like each other. It's also a bit childish for me. It was too predictable for me too.

e. Originality (4/10)

It's not original. It's cliché. You should have added a little bit of creativity.

f. Flow (2/5)

There were only 3 chapters and it's not even a three-shot. I actually didn't want to review short chapters but since you asked me to, then okay. But I think the flow is too slow. The 'hit-by-the-ball' part and the 'fever' part didn't help at all. It made me think they are exaggerating too.

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)

You have a lot of mistakes but I'm going to point them up to you one by one. I'll tell you things you should know when writing. First, when someone talks :

'Another day of school'Jessica said with a sigh.

Corrrection -> don't use a single ' when someone talks and add a coma after the sentence. The right one should be: "Another day of school," Jessica said with a sigh.

Second, don't just call their parents Donghae's father and Jessica's father, it's messing the story. I think you should give them a name.

Third, stick to one style. Like for example, if its past tense then the next should be in past tense.

Another are:

Chapter 1:

stupid alarm clock,Jessica say while she was still in the bed starring at the ceiling.

correct: "Argh, Stupid alarm clock!" Jessica groaned while she was still on the bed staring at the ceiling.

After that she tie her hair in a ponytail with her fringe in front and went out her and go downstairs.

correct: After that, she ties her hair in a ponytail with her fringe in front and went out of her room and then goes downstairs.

Jessica smell the eggs and bacon that her mother cook before she went out to work.

correct: Jessica smells the eggs and bacon her mother made before she went out to work.

correct: Jessica quietly ate her breakfast while waitingfor Donghae to take her to school with the other super junior oppas. She has no friends except the super junior oppas but every time sees her with the super junior oppas every girl wished to be her because super junior are the Kingkas and good-looking guys in school. Jessica was only in the school for a few days because she transferred there from another school because her father had to work in Korea.

Donghae is supposed to help Jessica around Korea.

Misspellings:

wrong: relized

correct: realized

I found a lot of mistakes in Chapter 1 and other chapters. You might as well check Microsoft Word to check your misspelled words and wrong punctuations. It's really helpful. You can improve your writing skills with it.

h. Writing Style (5/10)

Colorful. I don't like it since in 1st chap, blue fonts, the next orange then the next blue again. I think you should stick to one color and make it automatic. Black is the perfect choice. Just saying.

i. Overall Enjoyment (3/10) - 

To be honest, this did not entertain me. Just one part I like the best if when Jessica got hit with the soccer ball, I think that's quiet embarrassing and at the same time, hilarious. But not enjoyable for me, maybe because there was only 3 chapters and the husband thing is not in the chapters yet. It's a slow-paced story which didn't entertain me, also because Jessica and Donghae likes each other already. Their love story didn't even bloom yet.

Total: 39/100%

My note: I'm sorry if you got this score. Please do not be discouraged though. You can add other chapters and then it'll be good. Hmp, I guess you got this score too because you only had 3 chapters which is slow and predictable.