Chained Destiny

Title (1/5)

The title did not catch my attention at all. There are so many stories here with the
either ‘chained’ or ‘destiny’ in the title. It’s overused and completely boring. Since your
story is about angels and heaven, I really think you could come up with something way
better to match the plot.

Poster/Background/Trailer (4/10)

Background: I figure that you chose the cloud in the sky with the sunlight peeking out to
represent heaven, but there’s really nothing fancy about the picture you chose. As your
story is about heaven, you should have chosen something more biblical representing.

Poster: It was a little dull and did not match the story well. The watches and butterflies
have no relevance to the story.

Description & Foreword (5/10)

First thing, your description and foreword rather annoys me because of all the colored fonts.
You should really just stick with one color.

Description: It was okay, but you should write a bit more. Add something about the
characters and give the readers a hint about what they’re about to read.

Foreword: Was an author’s note, can’t really say anything about it. Just keep it plain and
simple thought, it’s not often that people actually take the time and read them. The more
you write on author’s notes, the less likely people are going to take the time and read them
instead of just clicking the next button.

Plot (7/10)

The plot was good, but I didn’t give full marks because it’s not complete and there’s only
five chapters worth. It doesn’t give us much, still introductory stuff.

Originality (7/10)

You got originality down perfect. I’ve read a few angel fics before, but this was a lot
different than them. But, the general concept is very similar to the rest of the angel fics out
there.

Flow (2/5)

The plot was kind of all over the place. The story is mainly about Woohyun and Sungjong,
right? So that’s who the plot should focus on, not all the other characters. But, on the other
hand it is good that you give the other characters personality and a purpose. However, just
keep in mind that you are writing about Woo and Jong, it should mostly be about them.

Give some about the two main characters, a little about the others, and go from there.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (26/30)

Everything seemed to be written quite well!

Spelling and vocabulary were perfect. All the words were spelled correctly and you didn’t
use big words that were out of place. A lot of people try to make their stories seem more
like a novel by using long synonyms in replace for regular words and it makes their story
awkward.

Grammar, I found one mistake in the first chapter. You wrote “…as long as their happy.”
You should have used ‘they’re’ instead of ‘their’. Their shows ownership, if they possess
something, so if you used they’re it would have been read like this: “…as long as they are
happy.”

Punctuation was good, just one thing. For dialogue, use a comma at the end of a sentence
instead of a period. Like this:

“Please take care of me Woohyun.” Sungjung said.

Should be written like this:

“Please take care of me, Woohyun,” Sungjung said.

Also, put a comma before mentioning a name in dialogue and after putting quotation marks
always capitalize the first letter of the word after it.

Writing Style (10/10)

You have a very nice style of writing. Everything is organized well and the sentence
structures are great. Your paragraphs are perfect, not too long but at the same time not too
short.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Honestly, I did not enjoy your story at all. Mostly it was because I do not like angel stories,
but the way you described heaven completely ruined it for me. The whole ranking, cloud
home, memories, and all that just…it’s not very heavenly. I know we all have our own
imagination to what the other side if like, but I just didn’t like how you wrote it.

Total Score: 62/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs