My Kitten Can Talk! What the F-!

Title (3/5)
The title is really cute, but it doesn’t fully capture your one-shot. I’ll explain more in the flow.

Poster & Background & Trailer (8/10)
I don’t really love the poster but it’s nice! The background is fine.

Description & Foreword (2/10)
Already, I can see grammar errors and that is not a good sign. First word we see in your description: ‘descriptions’ is wrong! Why did you decide to add in an ‘s’ when you only have a description. Also it isn’t necessary to write that that there when you the word description is seen in big letters. Adding in the character information is not necessary because you have information that could be easily written into your one-shot. A description should contain a short summary of your story—not necessarily giving away your plot but teasing your readers with what your story/one-shot is about. 
Still on the description; what you wrote doesn’t satisfy me—what do you mean by ‘and they lived happily ever after?’ It seems random and it doesn’t have any relation to your one-shot.

The foreword—again, why did you write in ‘foreword’ when there are huge letters before it that spells out the word foreword. Anyways, what you wrote in the foreword is what I would call an author’s note and that’s not what I should only see. A foreword is called a foreword for a reason and that reason (in my opinion) should contain a prologue, excerpt, or a quote (relevant to your story). In your case, you have a somewhat “prologue” on the first chapter so I would suggest you put that in your foreword. It’s more appropriate.

Plot (8/10)
The plot is really interesting, but you have a lot of grammatical errors so half the time I wasn’t sure what you were trying to say. And I don’t quite understand the situation about Pilsoon’s parents. Why would you make them be absent? It seems random and too extreme for a one-shot.

Originality (8/10)
Not exactly an original because you don’t have very many surprising events to make it original. Sure the plot is interesting, but there’s nothing in the story that has me jumping out of my seat. It’s pretty bland.

Flow (1/5)
The flow was slow. Since this was a one-shot, I was expecting to read what the title said. Instead, you took forever to just get to Myungsoo talking and all. I mean, looking at the title, I was expecting Pilsoon to find the cat (Myungsoo) while walking home; she gives him the milk and freaks out immediately! Then she tries to find a way to help Myungsoo go back into his human form rather than Pilsoon be oblivious about it and just do what she normally does. To be honest, I was misled.

Plus, this is a oneshot—one-shots do not contain two chapters but one chapter; and in the one chapter, you need to have your plot, rising action, , falling and conclusion all there.

Also, I do not feel the chemistry between Pilsoon and Myungsoo. It was just ‘oh-you’re-myungsoo-and-you-have-to-live-with-me-because-you’re-a-cat-so-let’s-fall-in-love.’ There was no emotion between the two so how could they have fallen in love? I mean, sure, they lived with each other for a whole month but that doesn’t have any affect. To which is why I said it would have been better for Pilsoon to find out about Myungsoo earlier so they can develop some feelings for each other quickly. But instead, you decided to take another road, made it difficult, and ended up with two chapters instead of one.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (3/30)
You have so many errors and I did not find them to be cute. I would name them but there’s just so many that I can’t. I would advise it that you get someone to proofread this for you because the grammar makes me want to pull my hair. Well, maybe I could give some examples; for say, this one:

What you wrote: Her business went fine and many customers went to her café that night. It’s a fortune to her.
What you could have written: Business was fine; customers would come every now and then to the café which was a fortunate.

•  Reason for the change; went is not the appropriate word choice because it’s an action word and, well, business can’t went, can it? I don’t understand why you wrote ‘that night,’ so I took it out and added in ‘every now and then’ because it doesn’t sound like you’re talking about right now. But if you are, you didn’t make it very clear. The rest is all about sentence structure.

Your use for words makes me cringe because I feel like you’re using words that you think are right. An example would be this:
What you wrote:  He smiled in satisfied.
What you should have written: He smiled in satisfaction.

•  Reason; it’s the appropriate word to use.

I have another example and this example is the one that makes me pull my hair:
What you wrote: Every time she looks at Myungsoo, her heart softened and began pounding hardly. 
What you should have written: Every time she looked at Myungsoo, her heart would soften and begin to pound her ribcage like crazy.

•  When you’re using ‘Every time,’ you’re speaking of every moment, so it would be more appropriate to word the next sentence with ‘would soften’ because you aren’t talking past tense anymore. I don’t understand why you wrote ‘hardly’ when it doesn’t even make any sense. Hardly is an adverb with a negative meaning used to indicate that something is true or exist to a very minimal extent. In other words, it means that something is almost entirely untrue or impossible. You use this word often and it’s wrong! Please do not use this word if you know its meaning.

Writing Style (1/10)
I don’t like your writing style—you have a mouthful of words that do not make any sense and your sentences are really choppy. You need to be more descriptive when writing—show your readers what your characters are seeing and how they’re feeling! Don’t just write ‘He is sad.’

An example would be the “prologue” you have:
What you wrote:Myungsoo walked out from his car. He sighed and reached out his phone. Suddenly, he stepped on something soft.
What you could have written: Getting out from his car, Myungsoo inhales the airy night with relief and exhales with exhaust. He reaches for his phone in his pocket and brings the device to his face. With a light tap, the device wakes up, projecting light into his eyes, almost blinding him. Taking a step forward, Myungsoo felt something soft brush the exposed part of his feet.

• Reasons for the change; you can’t say Myungsoo walked out of his car. I mean, how can you do that? Was he standing in the car and decided to walk out? A better word would be to ‘get out.’ The second sentence; you don’t clarify how he reaches for his phone. Did he just extend a hand forward and reach for the phone in mid-air? I don’t know. The third sentence (of mine) is just adding more to the sentence because the way you wrote it was too choppy. You need to add more details rather than getting to the point.

Another reason why I don’t like your writing is how you’re writing your character’s thoughts. Why are you putting an asterisk there? It’s simple to write one’s thought; all you have you to do is this: I like milk, thought Myungsoo. Nothing too complicated, right?

To end this category, do not post up pictures of who you are writing about. You need to describe the person or object! That’s what you do when you write—you write to describe a person, object, or thing! You don’t post up a picture and add in author’s note below it.

Overall Enjoyment (1/10)
No enjoyment on this one-shot simply because of all of the above. You need to work hard on your grammar because that’s the only thing that’s in your way. I can barely understand what you were trying to say and if I have to guess, that’s not a good thing.

Anyways, don’t be too disheartened with the score—it only means room for improvement! I encourage you to write more and pay more attention to what you’re writing. Good luck with your stories!

Total – 35/100

Reviewer: vangbby