How's Life Again?

a. Title (5/5)
I didn’t get the meaning behind the title at first, but after I was done reading the story, I understood it completely. 

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (N/A) 
I can’t see your poster on my computer, so scoring will be exempt for this section.

c. Description & Foreword (8/10)
It’s a decent foreword, but your character chart is redundant. There’s already a characters section in the foreword. There’s no need to re-introduce them again.


d. Plot (6/10)
There were a couple of holes in the plot. For instance, you never revealed clearly what happened between Donghae and Yoona. Also, I thought the scene where Changmin pops out of the coffin seemed a bit…ridiculous. I don’t mean to bash you, but you could’ve come up with something much more dramatic and powerful. The ending however, sent chills down my spine. I could just envision all the members of Smtown gathering under one banner. Teamwork rules!


e. Originality (8/10)
The story was an interesting attempt in imagining what idol life must be like beneath the surface. I like how it explores the relationships between the characters. It could be a lot better, but I give you points for effort.


f. Flow (2/5)
The flashbacks and constant changes in POV’s took the joy out of reading this fanfic. Try to work on your transitions the next time you write a story. It seemed as if the story had ADHD. It was jumping around the whole place!


g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (19/30)
If you’re going to write in the past tense, you must keep it in the past throughout the whole fic (unless you’re writing a flashback or whatnot). The first chapter was narrated in the past tense and then BOOM, the next few chapters were in the present tense. Can’t do that, dear writer. Also, your spelling and vocabulary could use some improvement. It seemed as if you didn’t take that much time to proofread your writing.


h. Writing Style (6/10)
Please, please, please, do not mention the characters with terms like ‘Ice Princess’, ‘Maknae’, or ‘Kid-Leader’ (unless you’re writing a comedy, which you most definitely weren’t.) It just kills your writing. 


i. Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
This story was alright. It could be a lot better. Some parts I absolutely loved (the ending), and some parts I thought were absolutely unnecessary. The emotional scenes in this story were pretty good. I think you have potential to write a better story. Best of luck. ^_^


Total - 61/90

reviewer: indielokimin