Sinful Desire

Title (1/5)

Not an interesting title and it doesn’t particularly match the story well.

Poster/Background/Trailer (3/10)

The poster is okay but there’s just too much stuff going on. The quotes completely take up too
much attention and they aren’t even spectacular quotes. Personally I think you should just keep
Jonghyun and Key’s faces and get rid of the other three and then take out the weird texture in the
poster.

Description & Foreword (1/10)

I’m going to be honest, I hate your description. Every time I look through the Jongkey tags your
story is always there and then I read the description so many times that I just can’t stand looking
at it anymore. Anyways, it’s an okay description, basic and to the point but nothing that’s ever
made me want to read it in the seven-eight months you’ve written it.

The long author’s note for the foreword is unnecessary, just credit the maker of the poster and
leave it at that because no one actually cares about the rest of the stuff. And also, never write that
it was based off a manga, movie, book, or anything. That’s grounds for “I can’t come up with my
own stuff so I’ll steal someone else’s and change it around a bit!” I will never read a story if the
author says it was based off or inspired by something already, no matter how good of a writer the
author is.

Plot (6/10)

The plot was okay, but I wasn’t particularly interested in it because it’s commonly used and there
wasn’t much to differentiate it from other stories like it. The way you wrote the characters was
okay, but they seemed off in a way. Honestly though, the plot didn’t make much sense to me.

Originality (5/10)

Mafia/gang stories are too common and your plotline was rather cliché.

Flow (4/5)

The flow was okay.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (12/30)

There are a lot of incorrect forms of words and verbs in this.

You need to spell out words and capitalize the words proceeding dialogue.

And there were several spelling mistakes.

Is English your first language? Because it does not seem like it and I detest reading or reviewing
stories if the author cannot write correct English.

Writing Style (4/10)

You definitely have a lot to improve on. Everything was written so amateur that I couldn’t take
it seriously. It’s just word after word with no emotion or description to it like a good book would
have.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

Even though it was Jongkey I didn’t enjoy it much. I don’t like these types of stories and your
writing style was just awkward to read. Although the chapters were long and had a lot of words,
there were several mistakes that made me not want to read it at all.

Total Score: 36/100%

reviewed by: peacelovehugs