Why Me?

Title (1/5)

Bad title choice—it doesn’t give me a sense of what this story is about. Go for something stronger and more appealing because, after all, the title is the cherry on top of a sundae—it’s the cherry that’ll capture a reader’s attention at first glance. You wouldn’t want a sundae without a cherry on top, would you?

Poster & Background & Trailer (1/10)

The poster could have been much better; it looks really amateurish and there’s so many other great graphic artist/s on asianfanfics that you can go and request from. The background shouldn’t be a picture of the main girl that you used—it distracts me from the story because I can’t help but look off to the side at the background for a couple of seconds before I can continue reading. A plain background is good enough.

Description & Foreword (3/10)

The description was too wordy, and you also have a lot of grammar mistakes. Descriptions should be short and simple, there’s no need to write a whole paragraph because you can either give away the plot, or you can write too much that it doesn’t make any sense. In your case, I believe you wrote too much—it doesn’t even match what your story is about. Or maybe you weren’t thinking ahead and you wrote what was on your mind at the moment—I don’t know. I would suggest you think about your future chapters before you continue writing and change your description so you don’t mislead readers.

The foreword definitely did not make any sense to me—even you said it was confusing. If it was confusing to you, why did you decide to leave it there? You could have just left your foreword empty. Or you could have written a quote there (that is relevant to your story), or maybe a sentence from a song that inspired you to write this.

Plot (2/10)

The plot is really messed up—like I said in the description, what you wrote didn’t have much of an impact to your story. Sure the first chapter had something to do with it but the rest of the story… no. I feel confused with what you’re doing and I feel like you don’t really know what you’re doing either. I feel like the plot is really blurry at the moment and I can’t find a clear spot. You should definitely put more thinking into this story before continuing.

Originality (8/10)

I can see the originality being put into this story—hence, the fact that you used a female K-Pop star rather than an OC and I really appreciate that! I was expecting to see Howon as the male lead though.

Flow (1/5)

To be honest, I was really confused and lost reading this story. I wasn’t sure what was going on and there was way too many things happening one after another. I don’t think that many events could happen so suddenly. It was just like BAM! BAM! BAM! There was no explanation to why these events happen. First her crush gets her mixed up with her twin, then she wants to kill her twin but fails, then she runs away—which I find a bit too extreme—then she gets arrested, and so on and so forth. You need to slow things down!

Also, your chapters are way too short. It was hard for me to really understand what was happening. I’m not saying you should write 6-7 pages for a chapter but, 3-4 pages would be nice.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (5/30)

Lots and lots and lots of problems in this section; your grammar usage, spelling, and punctuation had a lot of problem. The vocabulary was fine, not the best but it was fine. Your grammar usage only had problems because of your spelling and punctuation. You need to proof-read your chapters before posting them because a lot of the spellings mistakes you have are pretty much words like ‘wrapping’ and ‘rapping.’ If you don’t know which one to use, get a dictionary! Don’t use words that you think is right, use words that you know is right.

The punctuations—the minute I saw the punctuation problem, I quickly lost interest. When you’re writing dialogue, you never put the comma after a dialogue is read.

What you did: “Your life could be in danger”, said Gikwang.

What the correct way is: “Your life could be in danger,” said Gikwang.

Also if you end the dialogue with an exclamation point, question mark or period, DO NOT ADD IN A COMMA AFTER THE END QUOTATIONS. There’s no need to do that because you’ve ended the dialogue already so why add the comma? You have this problem in every chapter and it really irritates me because I can’t focus on the story. Please go back to re-read your chapters and correct them. And please proof-read your chapters before posting them up. You wouldn’t want to hand in a poorly, unedited essay to your teacher for a grade, would you? I don’t think so.

Now, this really gets me to thinking that you just write you chapters in the edit box rather than writing it onto Microsoft Word, or google docs because if you did then, those two would have been a big help with this category. Please tell me you’re using one of them.

Writing Style (4/10)

The writing style is really nice but because of your punctuation problems, I didn’t like it much. I think you have potential in writing you have to fix your punctuation, spelling and grammar before you can really write.

Also, I would have preferred it that you describe Hyosung’s feelings towards her sister because I didn’t feel the hatred. I want to feel how Hyosung feels rather than reading words that just says she hates her twin. I want to feel the excruciating pain Hyosung felt when she was shot in the shoulder!

Overall Enjoyment (2/10)

Due to the confusion and grammar, spelling and punctuation problem, I did not find this story to be enjoyable. I like the concept of this story but your description is really misleading. That’s all I have to say, good luck with future chapters of your story!

Total – 27/100

Reviewer: vangbby