Better Together

Title (2/5)

I don’t like the title, it’s really boring. I understand why you chose it, obviously because
Jaejoong and Lara are better off together. But it was really boring and there was so much in
the story that you could have come up with a wittier title.

Poster/Background/Trailer (/10)

Since there is none of these I’m not giving points.

Description & Foreword (4/10)

The description doesn’t match the story. You wrote in the story that Lara paid no attention
to anything going on in the Korea entertainment industry, hence why she didn’t exactly
realize who Micky and Junsu were at first. So you should change the description because
you wrote that she thinks that they are only in magazines and onscreen.

For the foreword, it was okay but it didn’t exactly catch my attention. It was okay to use
something from the story, but I think you could have chosen something more interesting
to catch the reader’s attention. Personally I think you should put a few scenes in to show
the reader the drama parts. From chapter fifty-seven, where Micky is mad at her and when
Jaejoong breaks up with her.

Plot (6/10)

The plot was really good! I was so sure that since there was an OC with an American name
(something that I detest more than anything) that this story would be dull and boring and
I would have to force myself to read all sixty-nine chapters. However, your character Lara
is just…I really like her. The situation is lifelike and while it is a big stretch, I found myself
really enjoying the story plot. It was also a huge twist that the OC is not a high school girl
new to Korea, the fact that you made her thirty-one really just made the story that much
better than any other OC story.

However, it was boring sometimes. You made the character very dull and just…boring.
When I picture Lara I picture an older woman with wrinkles, wearing an ugly dress suit. Her
personality is bland, her whole character is. But somehow or another, she really attracted
my attention. It was really good that Lara isn’t another annoying girl who’s so wrapped
up in her love life. I like that Lara focuses so much on work on such. She’s really a two-

dimensional character and complex, there’s a lot to her.

But still, the baseline is still very cliché. OC falls in love with an idol and they are separated
by their diverse lifestyles. It’s so overused.

Lara’s personality, how she keeps things from Jaejoong, it’s completely OC. Every OC
character has that personality where they keep things from their beloved idol because they
don’t want to interfere with the idols life, wanting them to put their career first. There is
always that person who tries to convince the OC to leave the idol. Hilyda (did I spell that
right?) tried to interfere with Lara and Jaejoong.

And when Lara got the promotion to London, that I saw coming. Jaejoong breaking up with
her because she kept it from him was expected too. So was the pregnancy scare. Although
it was nice to see that she wasn’t actually pregnant, if you wrote it like that I would have
given you a three on this.

Originality (6/10)

I have to be honest; it’s sort of an overused plot. Some girl moving to Korea and having a
hard time adjusting, lacks a social life, meets some random hot guys, then finds out they
are idols? Cliché. Same for what I wrote for the plot, basically.

So much was cliché, but Lara was such an interesting and different OC than all the other
stories. Just the mere fact that she is older is just…really something. It gives the story an
extra boost.

Flow (3/5)

The story flowed very well. You didn’t speed things up and rush through the important stuff
but you don’t drag it out. However, for the emotion part, I think you made Jaejoong fall for
her too early. Really, they only talked a few times and had two somewhat big interactions
before he kissed her, passionately. You don’t just kiss someone like that and say that
they’ve been on your mind since you met them. No, they needed some more interacting to
learn about each other. After their little kissing scene, Lara decides that she’s in love with
him too. Personally that just seemed so dumb and it screamed Twilight.

However, they didn’t get together right away, which was good. They still sort of rushed into
their relationship after they decided to say ‘ it’ to everything.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (28/30)

Everything was perfect! I couldn’t find many mistakes, but they were those dumb ones
everyone makes when writing. In chapter thirty-one, I’m pretty sure, you forgot to add a
few commas after some of the dialogues. You also wrote ‘he voice’ instead of ‘his voice’. But
like I said, silly mistakes that everyone makes while they write.

Writing Style (9/10)

You’re writing style is absolutely amazing, I can’t say anything else. Just, wow! It’s so nice
to read stories that have a good writing style and it’s so organized! The only thing, though,
don’t bold their speech.

Overall Enjoyment (20/20)

Since there wasn’t any background, trailer, or main poster I decided to forget that part and
make this 20 points.

It is so hard for me to get interested in reading OC stories, but yours is just…I’m addicted. I
absolutely loved it and I got excited to read a new chapter. I really enjoyed this story a lot
and I’m so looking forward to another update!

Total Score: 78/100%

Since the reviewer liked this story and she said to put it on the recommended list, then congrats because your story will be in the recommended list!

reviewed by: peacelovehugs