30 Days of Love

Title (4/5)
It’s definitely caught my interest. It sounds interesting enough for me to click on it. There’s just one problem, it is capitalized wrong. The ‘o’ in ‘Of’ should be lower case.

Poster & Background & Trailer (10/10)
The poster is beautiful and the background matches it completely. It gives off this angsty feel with its black and whiteness and quotes. There’s no trailer, but I’m taking points off for that because it’s optional.

Description & Foreword (5/10)
I was a bit disappointed with the description because of the grammatical errors. I know you said your English is broken, but in all honesty that’s no excuse.

You see, it’s not that the first part of the description didn’t catch my interest–it definitely did– but it would better suit the foreword in my opinion.

You wrote: This is a story about when a girl loves a boy.. and when a boy loves a girl..

At first, the boy and the girl doesn't believe in love..

But, their love starts to blossom after a few accidental meetings..

Jealousy is a must in every relationships..

I’m confused. Are you ending each sentence using a period or an ellipsis? If it’s a period then there only needs to be one - . If it’s an ellipsis then there only needs to be three - …The first sentence would be okay with an ellipsis, but the rest should have been periods.

Correction: This is a story about when a girl loves a boy… And when a boy loves a girl…

At first, the boy and the girl don’t believe in love.

But their love starts to blossom after a few accidental meetings.

Jealousy is a must in every relationship.

I’ll tell you what I tell everybody else who put character profiles in their description or foreword:  I’m highly against them. I feel that they give away the story. Majority of the time, readers actually don’t really pay much attention to the profiles. And the few that do completely forget what they just read the minute they clicked next. A simple character chart would be sufficient. You’ll be explaining the character’s background and personalities throughout the story, so there’s really no point for the profiles.

The foreword is basically a teaser or a sneak peek at chapter one or the whole story in general. It’s not used for credits and notes. You can put that at the end of the description.

Plot (5/10)
It was kind of predictable and boring, but the whole Jessica going to a shaman to place a curse on someone is new.

Originality (5/10)
The only thing original about this story is the curse/spell placed upon Yoona.

Flow (2/5)
This is going pretty fast. This story is all over the place and it confused me.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/30)
Since you have ten chapters, I’ll only point out some mistakes in chapter one.

You wrote: "Wait.. Saengie,, you don't believe in love? I thought you're inlove with that Donghae kid? Oh, wait.. Not you.. It's my

other chingu xD" Sunny eonnie's joking I think..

Correction: "Wait. Saengie, you don't believe in love? I thought you were in love with that Donghae kid? Oh, wait… Not you. It's my other chingu" Sunny eonnie's joking I think.

Once again, if a sentence ends with a period, it’s one. If it ends with an ellipsis, it’s three. At the end of the quote you put ‘xD’. Never do this. It’s unprofessional. Just explain the emotion, you don’t need to put an actual face.

You wrote: But, for real..

Correction: But for real.

You don’t place a comma after a coordinating conjunction. It goes beore it.

You wrote: "Stop getting in love then xD" Kyu said then run back to the computer to play his favourite game.

Correction:  "Stop fallingin love then,”  Kyu said. He ran to the computer to play his favourite game.

You can’t get in love. You fall in love. For the ending of the conversation, you’re missing a comma before the end of the quotation. You do this periodically throughout the story. You said Kyuhyun runs back to the computer. That doesn’t make sense. He was just sleeping before Donghae came back to the apartment.

Your spelling is good, but you really need to work on grammar and punctuation. I suggest asking a good English speaking friend to revise and edit your story.

Writing Style (4/10)
You use an overabundance of Korean terms. Hyung, oppa and similar words are alright, but you you’ve included words that not everyone knows. This is a story written in English; it’s best if you don’t include so much Korean terms.

In chapter four, Sunny appears out of nowhere. I could have sworn it was only Seohyun, Donghae, and Yoona in the previous chapter.

Your characterization is bad. I have no clue what any of the characters look like and their personalities are all over the place. It was quite confusing to read.

Overall Enjoyment (0/10)

I quickly lost interest because of your bad grammar.

Total - 45/100

reviewer: Kakurine039

Note: I'll tell you what i tell everybody else that gets a low score: I’m sorry if the score is low. And I hope I wasn’t too harsh. Hopefully this will help you improve your writing and stories. Don’t give up!