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[GDRAGONYOONA] Don't Think Too Much is Simple!
Title (3/5)
Well, first things first, I think it would look better if you didn't put [GDRAGONYOONA] at the beginning. Also, the title is wrong - it's not supposed to be "Don't Think Too Much is Simple", it's supposed to be, "Don't Think Too Much it's Simple!"
Poster & Background & Trailer (4/10)
Poster & Background & Trailer (4/10)
The poster seems kind of cluttered, I don't think the little mini Yoona and GD should be in it. Also, it would look nicer and cleaner if the pictures were higher quality and the quotes were a bit bigger in size. The background matches well, but again, it would look better in a higher quality.
Description & Foreword (5/10)
Description & Foreword (5/10)
It was still good, you didn't give too much of the plot away. But still, I think you should have added a little bit more suspense into it. It didn't seem that exciting and it doesn't intrigue me.
Plot (3/10)
Plot (3/10)
I was just.. confused. I didn't really know what was going on, it wasn't clear to me. Although, when I did understand some of the parts, it seemed cliche. It seemed like just another one of these overly-used, boring plots. It didn't really excite me.
Originality (3/10)
Originality (3/10)
Again, it did seem cliche. I guess it did have a hint of originality in it, but not enough to fully satisfy me. It didn't seem unique, it just seemed unoriginal.
Flow (5/5)
Flow (5/5)
The flow was quite good, not to fast nor to slow.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (5/30)
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (5/30)
I don't want to give all of your grammar errors, so this is only for the foreword/description.
Okay, well, in the foreword, you wrote:
"What happened, Yoona? Why you come to my house at 6 AM like this?" Jiyong opened the door.
"Oppa, what the sleepy head?!" shout Yoona, and she entered my house.
This is a sunday morning. Because of that, I've been make a plan to sleep until afternoon. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY MY GIRLFRIEND COME AND FAIL MY PLAN?!
"YA! Yoona! What happened? Jiyong asked Yoona, she's in the kitchen now.
"Hmmm" Yoona keep quiet. She just mumble.
I entered Jiyong's kitchen. But Jiyong asked me, about my purpose. While walking, I've thinking about it.
When I was walking for sleep last night, something disturb my mind. I thought about Jiyong everynight but I never be like this. Jiyong have a danger smile. A smile that could make girls crazy about him. I'm so afraid, I could loose him. We've been dating for 8 months. Because of that, finally in the morning I was cooking for him at my house and go as fast as I can do.
It's a hot morning. Maybe going to rain soon. I know, Jiyong very thirsty. And, TADAAAAA! He walked outside to the kitchen and grab a glass. He wait me for answer his question. But I still quiet.
He ask me again, "Yoona baby-ah, why you come to my house? Tell me what's wrong"
OH I LOVE JIYONG'S VOICE >,<
Only silence from me. He just keep seeing me, waiting for my answer.
But he couldn't stand his patient. He acted as if there problem in his heart.
"OH IT'S SO SICK, OH I MY GOD, OMO!!" he shouted very loud.
I found alot of errors there, and I also found quite a few while I was reading the chapters. You might wanna fix it, and change it to something like this:
"What happened, Yoona? Why did you come to my house at 6AM?" Jiyong asked, opening the door.
"Oppa, what the heck?" Yoona shouted as she entered my house.
It's Sunday morning - I made a plan to sleep all afternoon. And yet, my girlfriend came to ruin my plan!
"Yah, Yoona, what happened?" Jiyong asked Yoona, who was now in the kitchen.
"Hmmm." Yoona mumbled.
As I entered Jiyong's kitchen, I thought about why I came here in the first place.
While I was walking around at night, a thought creeped into my mind. Jiyoung has a killer smile - one that can make girls swoon over him instantly. I'm afraid, afraid that I could loose him. We've been dating for 8 months, he wouldn't betray me, right?
"Yoona baby, why did you come to my house?" Jiyong asked once again.
I only answered with silence. He just kept staring at me, waiting for my answer.
Finally, his patience ran out.
"OH, IT'S SO SICK! OH MY GOD, OMO!" He shouted loudly.
And, again, expand your vocabulary. Don't use boring words, instead find better words, ones that are more descriptive and exciting. Also, you might wanna just read over your chapters to fix your errors.
Writing Style (6/10)
I didn't really like how you switched POV's constantly. It would have been better if you just changed the POV's in every chapter, like one chapter is GD's while the next one is Yoona's POV. Also, you don't have to bold the dialogue, just make sure to use your quotation marks.
Overall Enjoyment (2/10)
Overall Enjoyment (2/10)
I honestly didn't really enjoy reading your fic. Although I know you could get better. Don't take this review too seriously, it's just to help you. I do understand that English isn't your first language, that's probably why you had lots of grammar mistakes. Although I didn't enjoy this fic, I know in the future you'll get better. Just keep on working at it!
Total Score - 30/100%
reviewed by: -dinoraawr
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