Our Day

a.Title (3/5) : Just simple. Not bad.not really good, too. It’s straightfoward, but not appealing enough.

b. Poster & Background & Trailer (5/10) : No poster. No background. No Trailer. But i understand tho because it’s just a oneshot. Kkkk. The gif is really nice btw! It give sad vibrations[?], make reader knows that your story is a sad story.

c. Description & Foreword (3/10) : not appealing but i give you points because it explain the story well. But don’t you think you should make it a Little Longer? Or at least put hug lyrics there. I think it will looked quite good.

d. Plot (8/10) : I JUST WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING. IT’S SO SAD. AND YOU’RE LUCKY YOU GET A REVIEWER THAT ADDICTED WITH A SAD STORY T_T (?)

e. Originality (8/10) : it’s kinda hard to find this kind of story (which DBSK and JYJ really seperated.) because most of stories in AFF still use the old formation DBSK. But even know it’s kinda hard to find, there are still lots fanfiction like this so it’s not really original.

f. Flow (3/5)- it’s too fast. You should make it a little bit longer. Add more events. Maybe a flasback when They gathered together before finally seperated, or maybe add a flashback when JYJ tell HoMin that they want to get out from DBSK. It will add more sad vibrations.

g. Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (20/30)
wrong: The beautiful fans we could call our Goddess’s, the fans we could call our protectors.
correct: The beautiful fans we could call our Goddess’s. The fans we could call our protectors.
wrong: “Hyung?”,a husky voice whispered, I turned my face to my right side and saw Yoochun looking at me with a sad smile on is mouth.
-“Hyung?” A husky voice whispered.
[Enter]
I turned my face and find Yoochun looking at me with a sad smile on his lips.
wrong: He looked me in the eyes while he was singing it too me
-He looked me deep in my eyes while sing that song for me.
And a few little mistakes here and there.

h. Writing Style (6/10)
your writing style is fine. Just fine. Not bad, but not really good too. Just like your title.
For ex:
8 years already.
and 6 years full of love, laugh and friendship, but also hardship,fights,pain and lots of tears
2 years ago, my saddest dream came true.
2 years ago we lost our best friends. A part of our family, a part of my life
It could have been written like this:
8 years have passed since we’re together.
Years full of love, laugh, friendship and hardship, fights, pain and tears.
But now, it’s just memories.
2 years ago, my Nightmare came true.
2 Years ago, I lost my best friends, A part of my life. A part of my family.
And i suggest you to use more italic. It give sad effect lol.

i. Overall Enjoyment (7/10)
I enjoy this story well. Hope to see you again in this review shop!^^

Total: 63/100 %

reviewed by: christinovalya